Right or wrong.

I'd be done childminding for Son and D.i.l. They can take care of their own child and CoVid problems.

I am worried, things are already bad with son, now they have escalated to not being involved in care for the grandchildren, DIL has now seemed to side with your son. This is not a good path to be on for you at all.

I’m afraid your son acted like a spoilt child, I would be reminding him what I do for him, and if I want a day out I’d be having one, his child, his problem! I would be reading him the riot act, you sound a lovely grandparent, I too help with grandchildren when asked, but I none of my adult children would speak to me in this way

VioletSky,
Yes, you are correct, I should have said no to looking after my GS's when I knew I could pick the virus up. ( it's Norovirus ) but because I wanted to let my DIL have a few hours rest that's why I did it so yes I was in the wrong. My son told me a while ago that now I am retired it is my duty to look after my GS's which I took umbrage to and this is why things are how they are. They have always said I should put them first before my OH. The reason they have said they don't want me to have any contact anymore is because when I mentioned about me catching the virus from them they said I was out of order and that it was an excuse not to want to see my GS's. I have tried to talk to my Son and DIL about things but it always seems to go pear-shaped. I can't seem to make them understand that I love my GS's and love looking after them.

Edge is there a reason your son doesn't see you and your partner as a unit? Do they not get on?

It doesnt matter if they get on or not really.
Son and dil just have to be reasonable.

Hithere

They are horrible and blackmailing you

But this is the thing - they are the parents and they will play the card if they want to
They know you would be devastated if you dont see the kids.
They hold all the power
I am sorry you are in the situation - eventually they would drop you when they have no use for you as the kids grow.
Personal boundaries are so important. You teach others how they treat you

?

VioletSky,
I'm sorry I can't answer your question. as it's to personal.
I am glad of all the advice I have been given as I can put thing into perspective.

Edge I asked because I have been reading all your comments and there is a common theme in them:

That son thinks you should put him first and he and his children should come before your partner.

I understand that you don't want to talk about it but it seems obvious to me that there is something there and you might have an inkling why your son feels this way.

Whether or not you agree with how your son feels and the demands that you put him first, I think you have to remember that for your son, those feelings are real and are having an impact on him.

You don't want to be cut off from your grandchildren so you can't engage in arguments with him, you need to set those boundaries and stick to them politely.

You need to protect yourself from getting viruses when you know his family have them.

It takes 2 people to have an argument so wherever this is coming from you can only be responsible for your behaviour and whether or not you listen to your son so that this can be resolved before you end up in a full on estrangement situation.

That's my thoughts after reading what you have said anyway. You can choose to go with "selfish ungrateful son" etc but I don't think that will get this situation resolved for you.

As much as I love my grandchildren, I would be the one cutting all contact with the family if their parents were to treat me like that.

Maybe the person you give priority to, should be the person who gives You the most support?

Perhaps your OH was cause to a break in a prior relationship that mattered to DS. Perhaps DS is selfish and acting out to you. Perhaps you could slowly begin less childminding?