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How to handle stepgrandchildren that are out of control

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hfactor Fri 10-Dec-21 16:21:13

I have many stepgrandchildren. One family does not discipline or teach the kids appropriate behavior. When they stay here, there is constant screaming, breaking of toys and our personal items, scattering their clothes and our possessions all over the house, making messes without cleaning up.
The father, who is a single parent, ignores them and asks like he's in a hotel when they stay here from out of town. My husband waits on them hand and foot, both of us cooking all meals, cleaning up after them, and watching them while the father watches tv or is on his phone. They don't listen and I'm at my wits end. He never thanks us with paying for a carryout or meal or in any way.
This stresses and tires me out. We're in our late 60's and I don't have the energy for this anymore. I've asked my husband to tell them they can't stay here anymore and he won't do that. He also won't straighten him out with groud rules for their visits. Other than evacuating when they are here and hiding things I don't want them to touch, I really don't know what else to do.
Help!! Don't want o end up in divorce court over this.

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DiscoDancer1975 Mon 13-Dec-21 12:13:17

This is outrageous. You have to be firm with your husband, and say it’s no longer happening, and mean it. It’s your home too...and it’s not fair. If you came home to find that mess, presumably you’d assume you’d had burglars, and report to the police!

I can only imagine how awful this is, as there’s no way I or my husband would ever entertain this.

If your husband won’t do it....then leave. As someone else said, go to a hotel...anywhere, and don’t go back until all is cleaned up. Put all your possessions somewhere else if you can.

Your husband needs to see you mean business, and to be honest, he may never do this whilst you stay at home, appearing to be ok with it.

It’s time to kick a..e. Good luck.

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Hithere Mon 13-Dec-21 12:19:30

Is your house childproof?

Issue no. 1 is the father of the children, who doesnt discipline them

Issue no. 2 is your dh, not setting any rules.
That is your home too and both have to agree to a visit, not just one.

The idea of you taking a vacation while they are there is good, and your dh also makes sure the home is the same way as you left it when you come back

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