Is this a good or a really bad idea?

Do not do this.
They want to be alone with their baby. Respect their wishes.

Thanks for your comment, Esspee. Just to be clear: I wouldn't have done anything independently, just make the offer for them to think about.
And if not help with the baby, perhaps other help like arranging delivery of meals?
Or just do nothing at all?

I would respect their wishes. My son and his partner had the same plan before the birth of their first child. The plans went out of the window though due to the circumstances of the birth and they called to ask us to come which we were happy to do. We had been prepared not to see them for a few weeks though.

I'd leave it. Visit in about a month (stay in a hotel though). See how things are and act accordingly. You might spot something you could do or buy that you can't think of right now. Tell them you'll be visiting in a month though, don't want to let them think you're not interested or don't care. Good luck.

As they said they’d rather bond with the baby alone then no other decision to be made. If it turns out they can’t cope then I’m sure they’d ask for your help but at the moment accept their wishes.

Back off. Just say you'll be happy to help if they need any and leave it at that. Millions of new parents deal with their first baby without much outside help and this couple live in London where there will be health visitor cover for the first few days.

Non-interference is the safe option. Just express your delight at the birth and send a wee gift. Then ask if a visit (not staying with them) will be acceptable at some point in the forst few weeks.

First congratulations. A grandchild will bring joy but have a care. They have said they want time alone. They will manage perfectly well on their own.
It’s a kind thought and you can offer but doubt they will accept and as you say they may see it as interference.

Philippa It's a kind thought but let them find out for themselves. Their plans might work out fine or they might not. Just tell them you'll be visiting when they are ready. They may be "ready" sooner than you expect !

or just do nothing at all
That would be the answer.

No no no that is just giving out the message I don’t trust you with my grandchild , you can’t manage
I would have been mortally offended if either my mother or mother in law had even thought about it

Why on earth do you think that they won’t manage with a new born ……We all did there’s two of them I managed my first born in a foreign country with a husband working away and a baby full of colic We all have managed perfectly

Respect their wishes and come to visit when they are ready
Now I ve come down off the ceiling I realise you were just trying to help but please don’t
Good luck

I agree. They will manage fine. I understand your wish to help. Maybe you could send them a grocery order with just a few basics but lots of treats. That might be a help. When my DGC were born their auntie (on the other side of the family) did this and it was very well received, and easy to do from a distance nowadays.

I wouldn’t send a nurse to them.

I would arrange delivery of some tasty ready to cook meals, Cote, Rick Stein, Hawksmoor and many chefs/restaurants provide this service.

rubysong’s idea of a grocery delivered packed with treats is a good idea.

I think it is massively insulting to say that two intelligent adults ‘don’t know what they are facing’. I am sure that most of our generation had little or no help from parents. The husband might have had a few days off, but that was it. I am sure your son will get parental leave.

Just enjoy your new grandchild and trust the parents. So much has changed in baby care, including the advice from midwives to spend time bonding with the baby without relatives.

I have 8 grandchildren with 20 years between the first and last. Even in that relatively short time, advice has changed with each batch.

I think you have to respect their wishes. It can’t have been easy for them to say they didn’t want visitors in the early weeks. I wouldn’t mention the nurse option as it may be taken the wrong way. Maybe you could arrange a voucher for them to choose some nice meals to be delivered from a local restaurant.

Crossed posts on the food theme GrannyGravy13

Good points from grannywanny, well I agree with them. I was going to suggest the high quality meal delivery as well. I was the good quality meal deliverer when my children had new borns but I live locally so could call down with things ready to eat or freeze.

If they have been doing NCT or Hypno-birthing classes I wouldn’t worry about not knowing what they are facing. These groups always foster strong friendships and support groups among (especially) first time parents.
They may already have a doula booked (I think this is the trendier version of a post-natal nurse) as they are very popular. You could make discreet enquiries and offer.
I also think a generous voucher for Cook! frozen ready meals which can be cooked from frozen might be appreciated. I have done this twice and D raves about their Lobster Macaroni Cheese!

If my mother-in-law had done anything like this I'd have been absolutely furious.

Don't do it.

Of course it might not be that hard? My first one just ate and slept, ate and slept. Plenty of time for me to read books.?

Please respect their wishes, much as you’d like to help. Have you asked the couple what they’d like? Lots people batch cook and fill the freezer just before a baby is due.
This is an exciting time but can be fraught with misunderstandings!

Leave them alone as requested do not give in is my advice. We were told our daughter and SIL were going to manage without visitors or help for the first weeks. We accepted their decision but our daughter rang and asked us to visit while still in hospital. We were met with disapproval by our SIL. Who felt we had ignored their wishes to give them time alone.
We are supportive when we are asked and we do get on well. I feel it has changed our relationship though it’s not quite the same as it was.

As the others have said, don’t do anything.
A Doula has to be selected by the parents, you could choose one they don’t get in with.
However, food for the freezer is an excellent idea.
We managed without any help and we were absolutely fine, our parents were working and MrOops could only take a couple of days holiday to help me, no freezer, no washing machine either, I think you underestimate their ability to cope.

We live in a time where people can get anything they could possibly want delivered at any time of the day and even night in some cases. No one needs deliveries of home cooked meals these days as they can choose from a host of healthy foods delivered to them without any emotional input.

Additionally, she can have her parents with her on video chat any time she wants, and her friends too- or anyone who they feel will support them. It's not as if they will have no one.

I would back off and wait to be invited for a short visit. I know it's really hard, but its different when it's not your baby and it's your DiL and son's choice to be alone with the baby. Im sorry and I know its hard, but you have to wait til you're needed or asked for, if you want to have a good relationship. Being a GP is very different to being a parent.