Is this a good or a really bad idea?

They will be fine, but maybe to show you care and are thinking of them vouchers to have tasty meals delivered or a hamper with delicious treats would be good. Not sure they will get much support from health visitors though things have changed a lot?. My DS and DiL had twins and took any help they could get if anyone visited they were given a baby as they walked in the door! My independent DD and SiL didn’t want help but appreciated meals provided. Hope you get to see the new baby soon !

As the others have said, don’t do anything.
A Doula has to be selected by the parents, you could choose one they don’t get in with
Just to be clear, I was suggesting footing the bill for a doula-of course she would be of their choosing and they have probably chosen and booked one already.

Much appreciate all the advice and I will back off... I kind of thought that would be best but glad to hear such consistent opinions.
Will think about the hamper or meals idea but I am sure they can just order Uber Eats or whatever.
We will plan to visit after about a month but only if they agree and most definitely would NOT stay with them!
Thanks, everyone

No it’s not a good idea, always excited about the arrival of the new grandchild,offers of help , if declined you have to accept gracefully and accept it is the parents wishes that come first,not the grandparents.

Wishing you a lovely time when you visit your new grandchild Philippa60

Nice thought but I wouldn't. ?

Your decision is the right one Phillipa60

Offer your love and congratulations, ask if there is anything they want as a gift (their choice too) and enjoy your visit and new DGC.

Ps they may wish they taken you up on your offer after the baby arrives but may not tell you that.

A delivery of a favourite food hamper would be more than acceptable at this stage.

I think the Covid lockdowns have changed many new parents perceptions. Many of their friends will have been at home with out any support with their newborns because of the restrictions and so setting their own routine has become the norm.
Just keep the emails etc bright and breezy and enjoy the baby when you can.

Philippa60, - a very bad idea - do, please, take the hint and leave them to get on with it.

You are, of course, quite right with 'they don't know what they are facing with a newborn' (do any of us?) but they'll manage, just fine, without 'help'. They don't have other bored toddlers around to deal with.

They probably want to avoid any visits - with associated stress and Covid worries - and just concentrate on settling in with their new baby.

I used to get so fed up with a constant stream of visitors - meaning I had to offer drinks/snacks/lunch and felt obliged to chat (when a nap would have been so welcome).

There was the irritation of them all 'wanting a hold' (like pass the parcel) - and the ridiculous need to go upstairs in my own house to breastfeed and settle the baby. Repeat - for all four children. It wasn't 'help' - it was hindrance!

I’m finding this hard to understand. I won’t bore you with my own circumstances but will give you a summary of them. No family support available and I was ill after the births of both my children. Husband had a demanding job and wasn’t at home much. We still coped (no choice) and I’m sure your DS and DIL will do the same.

Absolutely leave them to it as they have requested. There is no reason 2 adults can't cope with their own new born baby. My husband and I did just fine without any help, no problems and not difficult.
It's quite patronising to say they can't cope without you. And to have independent adult children is far better than dependent, helpless, anxious ones.
Wait until invited, and never interfere as it will always backfire. Listen to them, hear what they say which I don't think you've done, already.
Sure, some babies and/or mothers can have a bad time and health problems after a poor childbirth experience...but you will be informed of that, and let's hope both mother and baby will be absolutely fine and thriving.

I think you have to accept it, OP, hurtful or not. They may change their minds after the baby’s actually arrived,

COVID aside, I really don’t understand this ‘no visitors for a month while we bond’ business, but judging from MN, it seems pretty common now. Or should that be ‘fashionable’?

Personally I was only too pleased to show off my new babies to family and friends, and dd has been the same with her 3. We first met all of them within hours, and she was always happy for anyone else to enjoy a cuddle.

I dare say there can be problems with the sort of people who stay too long and expect to be waited on, so if parents or in laws etc. are that type I can well understand it.

IMO visitors in the early days should come prepared to muck in, put the washing on, hang it up, or do anything else that clearly needs doing, and preferably bring a meal that can just be shoved in the oven to heat up later.

As far as I could tell, all dd’s friends were the ‘bring a meal and muck in’ types.

Witzend, absolutely, that is the kind of parents we are and exactly how I was with my DD and her 3 births. I was "on call" to help her as needed, and the cooked meals we brought round were very welcome.
She in no way had to wait on me!! It was the opposite (and always as been, her eldest is now 13) and we have a great relationship.
Our relationship with my DS and DIL is also great but so different and this "leave us alone to bond" bit was news to me. But of course I respect it and will do as I am told.
It just feels very unsupportive of me, but the consensus on here has helped me see that I really do need to leave well alone.
Thanks

We had no such expectations of ‘no visitors for a month’ when I was having babies if people called they called its a dreadfully elite sort of pretentiousness nowadays that truely annoys me I want to say ‘get on with it’
Having said that you have made the right decision phillipa just go with the flow and have fun when the time comes

I agree with witzend about showing off the new addition. I was besotted with mine, and wanted every one else to meet them and see what all the fuss was about!

It's so thoughtful of you
Philippa 60 to worry about them, but your decision to leave well alone is undoubtedly the best for now.
Things are done differently now.

Well put BlueBelle

bad idea. Don't do it

Be wary of too much 'food for the freezer' type gifts.. if they are organised the freezer will be stocked to the hilt already.... maybe VOUCHERS for delivery food... so they can indulge as and when they wish... easy to do online for you and them..

The road to hell is paved with good intentions so please don’t do this. Do let them know that should they need you then you will be there but it is entirely up to them. Leave them in the driving seat.

Fleur20

Be wary of too much 'food for the freezer' type gifts.. if they are organised the freezer will be stocked to the hilt already.... maybe VOUCHERS for delivery food... so they can indulge as and when they wish... easy to do online for you and them..

That was why I suggested Cook! Vouchers- and they don’t need to be cashed in all at once.
#beentheredonethat

One of the many advantages of living in London is the availability of good quality food which can be delivered and easily, so don't worry too much about how they will cope with food. As others have said, go with the flow, book yourself an AirBnB for sometime just after the baby is due, go to the theatre, go to the parks, enjoy the city, and then go and visit your new grandchild when they are happy for you to do so. Enjoy your trip, and your new grandchild.

Don't do anything at all - including sending food unless they ask

Meal prepping is what is very much known before having a baby - as they are so independent, they have it covered.
If not, wait to be asked or they can manage

It is great to want to help - don't let this need of helping become an imposition to others

My mil tried to pressure us into a baby nurse (she also pushed extremely hard to stay with us to “help”). We were clear on what we wanted and declined.

That was two years ago. It was challenging, as having a newborn is for anyone, but it was nothing we couldn’t or didn’t want to handle ourselves.

I know you mean well, but they are grown adults. Give them some credit. Allow them to struggle and figure things out for themselves if it’s what they have chosen to do. Can you imagine how it feels to know your mother (or mother in law) doesn’t think you’re capable of caring for your own child?