9 o’clock birthday invitation!

Hi everyone and THANK YOU for your answers, the ones I liked and the ones which made me reflect - or both. I find it very useful to hear different points of view. Would I feel/think different if is was my “own” grandchild? I don’t know because I don’t have any biological grandchildren yet, but I love the step-ones as if there where…I guess. The child here is NOT the problem, the, as we name them here, “curling parents” are, in a way. I find it boring, unnatural and damaging the way EVERYTHING is about the children (and again, the children are NOT the problem here), well, that’s another (but important) discussion. I think that we will arrive as it suits us best, 10 a.m. tastes better, and yes, I wonder too, will we be asked to leave when the child needs to nap…..? :-) Summa summarum I wil take the essence of all your good advices, with so many fine women haven taken (haven taken?) time to answer me,I can’t be anything but grateful and inspired. I’ll let you know how it went. Kærlig hilsen Karen

An invitation is notsummons.
You can choose to decline if it's not convenient for you.

As for the timing - it is the parents call.

This is a bday party for a child and what is the point of setting it up at a more convenient time for the adults if the child is going to be cranky and spoil the whole party?
Adults are usually more adaptable than kids

I think some parents believe the world must revolve around one child while others take the view that a bit of give and take makes life so much easier all round!

Is the timing a big problem to your dive? If so stay over in a B&B or arrive late and leave early. Parents choice on time.

It would be rude of you to expect to stay later because you arrive later. I think you should expect to leave when the party ends regardless of when you get there.

As HiThere says, it is an invitation, not a summons. You don’t have to go, and it is one day. Our child’s GPs are retired and if we selected 9am as a party time and they couldn’t make it as it was too early I would think they were not very interested in their GC. My in laws are retired, they have no other plans that it would clash with it would just be whether they could be bothered to get up and ready a bit earlier or not.

I think it’s quite mean to criticise parenting and say everything is always all about the child when this is just one isolated example. My first thought was that it isn’t to benefit the child but the parents. They don’t want a rubbish night if their child hasn’t slept well for their nap, and I don’t blame them if they are a bad sleeper.

Think that this breakfast party sounds a lovely idea. 3-year old is likely to be at their best early in the morning, and can then go on to have the rest of their day as near to normal as possible.

Of course, the birthday day should be round the needs of the birthday child.

Really do not understand what the OP is actually complaining about. If they do not want an hour and a quarter drive to get this - then they can find a B&B overnight. Anyway, surely 7.45 am is not a dreadfully early start on a summer day.

Wish I had thought of this idea when my children were small - getting through the birthday party day until the normal (back then) 3 pm start was always so very difficult.

I gather it's the parents that irritate you, not the child, karen. Is it possible therefore that you'd be critical of their parenting (having an early b'day party in this instance) whatever they did if it didn't happen to suit you?

Karen, you asked and it’s ‘have taken’ . Your English is excellent.
I have never heard of such an early start for a party, but hope you enjoy it.

Baggs not the parents per se more their parenting style. OP was wondering about others' views on making a child's needs central to every decision & adjusting life around that. To be fair Karen has responded and said she was reflecting on all comments.

Pumpkin82 you comment made me think about my relationship with my AC. I would be mortified if they thought of me as a 'guest' who had to leave at a set time! I hope I never outstay my welcome but I have often stayed on an had a cup of tea and helped with clearing up!

Hmm you do sound very critical of the parents who don't sound like they have done anything wrong. 5 quarters of an hour is 1 hour 15minutes - is that what you mean? My DGC are all up at 6am often at weekend as well so at 9am they have been up for 3 hours. When we mind them we have to be there at 7am for parents to leave for work. 3yo does not have a nap but sometimes falls asleep after lunch for 30minutes or worse in the car collecting Mummy.
It sounds like there is maybe a different parenting in Denmark which doesn't revolve round the child?

Totally ridiculous who has a party at 9 am in the morning what will you eat cornflake cakes, milkshakes, with museli and custard in your pyjamas
Not much you can do though if you want to stay on board with the parents suck it up and smile
Enjoy your early morning party

PECS

Baggs not the parents per se more their parenting style. OP was wondering about others' views on making a child's needs central to every decision & adjusting life around that. To be fair Karen has responded and said she was reflecting on all comments.

Pumpkin82 you comment made me think about my relationship with my AC. I would be mortified if they thought of me as a 'guest' who had to leave at a set time! I hope I never outstay my welcome but I have often stayed on an had a cup of tea and helped with clearing up!

You're right, pecs, but any query that starts with implied criticism/dislike of the parenting style of other people immediately gives me the jitters. It is not a good place to start.

It seems the child is fine or rather "not a problem". Could it be possible therefore that the parents are fine too? This does not seem to have crossed the OP's mind.

Totally ridiculous who has a party at 9 am in the morning

Nah. You obviously never went to champagne breakfasts on May morning in towns where there are thriving student Scottish Country Dance clubs. You start dancing at 0600. Breakfast comes after.

0900 is the middle of the day then ??

Besides, don't three year olds get up at horrendously early hours? So 9 is well into the day for them too.

Such a fuss about a One Off Event Which You Don't Have To Attend.

PECS it is mainly the expectation that OP could rock up late and stay late, disrespecting the party time frame because they don’t like it. If you don’t like it fine, but why should the family then have to entertain you longer just because you don’t like it? They’ve obviously chosen the time they have so guests leave at that time. I think it’s rude to presume to be an exception to that.

My DM would always check and say shall I help you clear up or whatever, but she would never expect to stay later without mentioning it. I would do the same to all family and friends, I wouldn’t just assume.

Don’t think the OP expects to stay longer.

Surely a 'party' of 8 adults and 3 children poses an risk of exposure to Covid. Have all the guests been advised to take a test before leaving home?
Covid has been/still is such a kill-joy!

pumpkin I guess if you expect to be entertained.. when I am in my DDs homes I don't expect that..I might load the dishwasher, wipe up , finish the prosecco with DD, have a laugh...
If she was going out, tired etc. we have the kind of relationship where we can speak to each other & just say ...

PECS

pumpkin I guess if you expect to be entertained.. when I am in my DDs homes I don't expect that..I might load the dishwasher, wipe up , finish the prosecco with DD, have a laugh...
If she was going out, tired etc. we have the kind of relationship where we can speak to each other & just say ...

This is your DD by the sounds of it, not your step child and step grandchildren though. The dynamic will naturally be different there.

My in laws have never made a cup of tea here. They always sit themselves down on the sofa and it’s a very formal affair where they expect to be treated like guests. They wouldn’t even know where the mugs live! My relationship with my DM is very different to that. Although out of politeness she would still always make sure she wasn’t encroaching.

You have the right to decide what’s reasonable for you and you can always ask if it’s okay to pop by later, although your grandchildren might be getting ready for naptime by the time you arrive. Is leaving at 7:45am very early?

Just as you some here have said one day of missing naps won’t kill the children (though it may mess up their sleep for several days after, and do remember we aren’t talking about naps for 1 child, but 5 children), perhaps one morning of leaving your home at 7:45 is manageable?

Or am I misunderstanding the timing described? Forgive me for being a yank if I misunderstood.

LilyoftheValley

I find it really irritating that a nap or daytime sleep has become napping! Horses can have a spate of napping not people!! I imagine this came from the USA - like "for free" instead of free.

Really ?

Such a fuss about a One Off Event Which You Don't Have To Attend

Honestly, the poor woman just asked for opinions and is pondering on them!!! Where on earth is "such a fuss" coming from?

Tell them it's too early for you and you'll go after nap time

The OP did not appear to me to be making any kind of fuss or even asking for advice on whether to go. All this other “implied” rubbish makes no sense.
She was clearly asking for opinions on today’s often totally child centred obsession.
As others have commented, a child who is totally cosseted and protected against any kind of disruption can grow up thinking they are the centre of the universe …to their detriment.
Or not… who knows.
It seems to me to be inconsiderate to anyone who has to travel and I wouldn’t be going as I’m terrible at early trips. That’s my opinion.
No idea what a 9am “party” for a 3 year old consists of these days. However if there is any sugar involved there won’t be any children napping!

Cleo I was going to say the same but you have put it very well.
It wasn’t the party as much as today’s child centred obsession.