Granddaughter showing preference for other grandmother and ignoring me

I keep out of the way as much as I can when overseas Grandma manages to visit, and when we are all together, I make a big effort to take a back seat.

I am the lucky one, the one who normally sees dgd several times a week, helping out with childcare. The other Grandma, my DiL's mum, can only visit about once a year, so really needs this time to build a proper relationship with our dgd.

I can see how it must hurt to suddenly feel relegated in your dgd's affections, but it is only for a short time. Try not to let it show, and just go with the flow.

Remember that she is nearly a teenager too, so her affection for you (and for other grandma too if she was around more) is likely to change soon anyway.
If you have always been close, just carry on being you, and you will hopefully come through it with a different but more mature relationship, regardless of how well she gets on with her other grandma.

It struck a nerve, Lucca!

Callistemon21

It struck a nerve, Lucca!

yes it’s an awful feeling when the time starts running out. I once found myself in tears half way through my holiday because we were at an airport and I saw someone else saying goodbye. How people have managed being prevented from visiting due to Covid I can’t imagine.

I had to keep a box of tissues handy when the news was showing reunions at Sydney Airport when they were allowed to visit after the severe lockdowns.

Callistemon21

I had to keep a box of tissues handy when the news was showing reunions at Sydney Airport when they were allowed to visit after the severe lockdowns.

Me too!

We live a four hour drive from our DGC. My companion grandmother lives 2 miles away from DGC. Whenever we visit, she stays away to make sure we get all the quality time with our grandchildren. This is despite the fact that she effectively provides us with free bed and breakfast during our visit. She is a star!

The oldest granddaughter who lives with us, has other grandparents about five miles away, the grandmother is a nice person and my granddaughter loves her.
My daughter has encouraged contact, making things as simple as possible, she is welcome here, I would be happy to go out, but despite all of this, she hasn’t seen her since last summer holiday.
I know she loves our girl, and we really don’t understand why she keeps her distance.
We assume it’s something to do with her son, but she has given up a close relationship with a lovely girl.
She should maybe read some of the sad stories on here.

What can I do ,I have two 8 year old granddaughters,they live nearby & go to the same school but argue & bicker all of the time ,they are both as bad as each other.We have three older grandsons who get on really well but they (boys & girls) all come to ours on once a week after school for tea & to spend time together but the girls just argue & bicker.

Thread is years old.

As others have said, other gran is a novelty. Also, maybe she is forming a relationship with a girl on the cusp of becoming a teenager. Maybe she treats her more as an adult. If we have been there for the toddle it can be hard to accept they are growing up. Perhaps, it is time for a reset. What can you learn from the way other grans treat your granddaughter? Don’t overthink it. It will come good.

Why are you going out with them?
You have your granddaughter’s company for 10 months of the year. Give them some space.

Nanniejc1

What can I do ,I have two 8 year old granddaughters,they live nearby & go to the same school but argue & bicker all of the time ,they are both as bad as each other.We have three older grandsons who get on really well but they (boys & girls) all come to ours on once a week after school for tea & to spend time together but the girls just argue & bicker.

You could tell the girls ;

"Here's the deal. If you want to come to the weekly teaparty there will be no more bickering.

Otherwise, I will only invite one girl at a time, so for girls, teaparty time will be only once a fortnight.

Granny's rules rule. "

This thread is 4 years old wonder if things were resolved

smoothie

Where Flora said she doesn’t know what’s happening to her girl, I knew the moment that I read it that there would be comments picking that sentence apart. So, as that sentence has already been put under the microscope I’ll give my two cents and hopefully someone will hesitate from derailing this thread into another episode of ‘let’s assume the absolute worst of the original poster and then criticize them for it’.

Coming at this from a reasonable standpoint, Flora clearly said “my girl” as a term of endearment, as her dilemma has to do with the striking difference that she sees in her granddaughter, her granddaughter suddenly behaving in a way that is far from her normal, so there is “her girl” that she knew very well and now there is what appears to be another girl in her place who acts much differently than before. Hence Flora saying she doesn’t know what’s happening to her granddaughter. Of course, the change in behavior is completely normal as the girl wants to make the most of the limited time she has with this particular grandmother.

The unreasonable way to interpret the quoted sentence, the way that scolds Flora for her innocent choice of words to total strangers on the internet (and therefore comes with no baggage or existing hard feelings to give rise to the offense that an unreasonable people will experience after reading it), so the way that has already happened in this thread and will continue on I’m sure, assumes that Flora (or anyone else who says anything like “my [insert person]”) meant with 100% certainty that her granddaughter is HER girl and not anyone else’s girl, and definitely not the other grandmothers girl, that Freda is the sole rightful owner of her granddaughter and therefore no one else can have her. This manner of interpretation also comes along with years of off-putting rigidity, cold and calculated critics, and silently mouthed behind-the-back apologies on behalf of their loved ones for having to expose others to such a lovely person. .

Not every bit of phrasing needs to be dissected as if an alien would upon its strict by-the-letter understanding of the English language; ie without any nuance whatsoever.

Flora, I’m sorry you’re hurting. No need to worry though as she is still the girl you know her to be, and it’s good for her to connect with her other grandmother. It’s her trying to fit all the fun times she has with you year round into a small two month period with the grandmother she doesn’t get to see much. Be happy for her and most importantly support her, ask her how seeing her long distance grandma was, what was her favorite part of the visit, etc. She will be very thankful for it.

And remember, “This too shall pass”.

I have 2 GC both teenagers now and I still call them my darling wee lassie and my darling boy...that's what they are to me and always will be ..