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Daycaring Grandchildren

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TaraLee Wed 04-Jan-23 22:04:14

I posted here a year or so ago. My daughter was just going back to work, and I was just starting to watch my grandson during the day. My daughter and husband put a camera in their family room, with some nonsense about putting it there because they gave their house code to workers. There was only one camera, pointed right at the family room couch where I would probably spend most of my time with a 3 month old. I gave them the benefit of the doubt when they removed the camera, after several days of my letting them know how uncomfortable it made me.

Fast forward 9 months. That first baby, after 9 months of caring by me and husband, was put in daycare because “it’s time for him to develop socialization skills.” He cried every day for weeks, but my daughter said the daycare said that’s normal. It usually takes new children 2 or 3 weeks to adjust. I thought to myself, “Well of course. It shouldn’t take more than 2 weeks to crush the spirit of a 1 year old.” It really was gut wrenching for me to think of him crying in daycare, at the beginning, I am used to it now, even though there are times when I pick him up from daycare and I see him crying. Most of the time, he is just playing, but always runs to me and is happy to be leaving.

Now, there is a second baby. My daughter wants us to take care of him for 9 months, then he will go to daycare.

I don’t want to go through that “break-up” again. To me, if you are willing to put your child in daycare at 12 months, when you have the option of loving grandparents, you might as well put him in at 3 months.

Personally, I don’t think children should go to daycare, if there is another option, until 3. Maybe 2, depending on the child. But 12 months is young. But, they are her children and her choice.

And I wrong on wanting to pass on watching the second child? I feel so guilty, but it is a huge strain on our lives.

What say y’all?

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argymargy Thu 05-Jan-23 14:49:19

My two children went to nursery from 6 months as there were no grandparents available. They were and are both happy, confident, well-adjusted and successful. Saying grandparents are the best option is ridiculous - the best option is a safe and loving environment with plenty of stimulation. I took my GC to a playgroup today and met another grandparent who had come along for the first time. She actually said she would normally be "sitting in the lounge watching children's TV programmes" with her 1-year old granddaughter.

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Herefornow Fri 06-Jan-23 00:16:05

So, sorry, because you object to a 12 month old going into daycare you are going to spite a 3 MONTH OLD BABY instead? There is a huge difference between 3 months and a year. You are taking your huff out on a 3 month old. Shame on you. Grow up.

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Doodledog Fri 06-Jan-23 00:50:59

Herefornow

So, sorry, because you object to a 12 month old going into daycare you are going to spite a 3 MONTH OLD BABY instead? There is a huge difference between 3 months and a year. You are taking your huff out on a 3 month old. Shame on you. Grow up.

No, the OP is doing none of the things you suggest, and you owe her an apology after you have read the thread and seen what she has said she has done. In case that’s too much effort, here it is:

I just spoke with daughter and told her I welcome the chance to spend 9 months with my grandson. It is a gift not everyone gets.

I feel better. 😀

Shame on you, Herefornow

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Doodledog Fri 06-Jan-23 00:54:48

I meant to say, TaraLee, that I think you are doing the right thing - not necessarily because nursery is better for babies, but because you are treating the parents with respect, and that will be much better for your relationship in the long run. Enjoy your time with your grandson - I’m envious grin

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Dorrain Fri 06-Jan-23 02:44:51

Hi TaraLee.
As a Diploma level Early Childhood educator who has worked in the sector for sixteen years I completely agree. When I started work I was in the babies room and found it heart breaking.

The centre I work in is fantastic, as are the staff but developmentally children under the age of one certainly do not need socialising. The best thing for babies is one primary carer; parent, grandparent, relative or a paid nanny.

Experience tells me that some children burn out by the time they get to preschool, especially if it they're in long day care.

Numerous studies show that two years of preschool (age 3-5) is optimal in developmental terms; social, emotional, cognitive, physical and language outcomes tend to be better.

You are giving your grandchildren a great start by offering to care for them, and you're building a fantastic foundation for your relationship with them. Enjoy, they grow up way too fast!

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CanadianGran Fri 06-Jan-23 02:59:49

TaraLee, I think you have made the right decision. You will enjoy the first 9 months with the new little one, building a special bond.

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Blondiescot Fri 06-Jan-23 08:38:25

'Crush the spirit'? What absolute nonsense! Both of mine went to nurseries when they were three months old and I returned to work, and they were absolutely fine. They never cried when I left them and settled in immediately. I think it helped immensely with their socialisation. My SIL, on the other hand, refused to let her DD stay with anyone else and she turned into the clingiest child you could imagine. She literally had to be peeled off her mother to go to primary school.

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