Granny in the corner

It is sad when we’re no longer needed. All my grandchildren now have a photo album of the ‘ grannydays ‘ as they called them. There are so many pictures of their stays and outings. They are such a pleasure to look at, but there is sadness in knowing that that part of life is over. I’m hoping that their albums will keep me in their memories.

Unlike most of the grandkids mentioned here (and the other grandkids in my family) I contiued to visit my grandmother regularly until she died. Even after I had left the parental home I used to see her at least once a fortnight. I enjoyed sitting and chatting with her, always with a bit of embroidery or patchwork to do. From childhood she was a big part of my life. She kept her keen clear mind right to the end even though her mobility and general health deteriorated.

A few weeks before she died we had a very serious conversation in which I told her I was thinking of going giving up my job to go to uni. My first choice was Manchester. My one reservation was that she had become increasingly frail at 96 and I knew I would not be able to see her often. I also knew that she would probably not be there much longer. Grandma died a few weeks later and then there was nothing to hold me back. I left my home city for uni the following year. I never returned other than for very short stays because grandma was no longer there.

I'm nearly 72 but CFS has rapidly made me more into a gran in the corner.from being gran who would do horse rides and romp and look after them for AC.

I'm relieved I'm not strictly needed but still have a family place and loved by ages 4,6,8,10. Yes I wish so much they lived nearby to do "little and often" but we dont get to choose. I'd be thrilled if the children want to stay in direct contact as they grow but have no expectations.

They never leave your heart and I'll still be in a little corner of theirs. I dont expect the enthusiastic "gamma!"of the 4 year old throwing himself at me to last for long. Who knows?

My second granddaughter aged 8 us very severely disabled she will always be "a child" mentally and physically in some ways and I will always be happy as gran in corner to have the same conversations with her over and over and over again when the other GC have moved far into their own worlds. but now she is getting bigger I can't help her with the toilet or stuff like that anymore.

Its enough, I'm blessed as it is.

MawtheMerrier, I see the picture you see.

I have tried to resist the role of Granny in the Corner, and that was a mistake I'm afraid. It's useless to fight the culture that endorses the role of Granny in the Corner.

Yep. Used to be the parents at the front, now trailing behind while they wait patiently for us to hurry up.

LydiaJay

Yep. Used to be the parents at the front, now trailing behind while they wait patiently for us to hurry up.

That made me laugh!

My youngest GC is 15, (I have 5 GC) but some of my friends are just starting out on being GP’s.

One friend became a granny a few days ago, on a Sunday. She messaged that her first instinct was to dash off to see her, (150 or so miles away), but her DH ‘put on his sensible head’ as she described it, and they decided to leave it a few days to give the new parents a bit of space. Very wise, I thought. But in talking to another mutual friend, she exclaimed “Oh, I couldn’t have waited that long!” When (her own) DD had a baby, she raced off after work when a couple of hours old to see them.

Now I found this odd. Perhaps because my own DD lives in Australia, and I thought we did well to meet my first GC in real life when he was about 6 weeks old. But when our DIL had her first baby, (20 miles away), we didn’t dream of rocking up to see baby until they asked us to.

Perhaps it’s me, I don’t know.

With two grandchildren in their twenties, I’m aware that we are going to see them a lot less, and that’s fine.
Our granddaughter still tells us about her boyfriends, her nights out, drinking and occasional recreational drug use, she doesn’t treat us as if we are old, but neither does she need us, and that in some ways is quite liberating.
The youngest, and almost certainly, the last is starting school in September, finally I will have less child care duties so I’m making the most of our time now.
I think because some of them spent years living with us, the bond is probably stronger, but I’ll still be happy for them to go out into the world, as long as they have happy memories of us.
Should there be any more additions, I think I will explain that my childcare days are over.

Henetha I was not thinking in possessive terms, but more grandparents, who do not grow up mentally with their grandchildren but continue to see their grandchildren mentally as still needing to be bustled about and fed and needing caring, of course that, never totally goes away, but continuing to do so when the children are trying to be independent and self sufficient.

I find the babyhood stuff, to be honest, as rather a boring stage, though objectively I find the development of small children fascinating, especially the development of speech and grammar.

What I am enthusiastic about is older children when they reach the stage where you can have long and interesting conversations with them. Both my DGC are at that stage now, so I can now have a long conversation with DGD on history and dance or on the ethics of meat eating with DGS.

DD and I have built a lasting closeness over our interest in textiles, the textile industry etc. We are planning a holiday in Yorkshire visiting museums and mills. That closeness was built from a mutual shared interst in sewing and textiles that started when she was, roughly between 9 and 12 and which kept goin when our relationship was otherwise at times quite fraught.

biglouis ditto here. I visited both sets of grandparents throughout my teenagehood and early adulthood. I liked sitting there with a cup of tea for both of us, chatting or in companiable silence.
I loved their company - and I also had a great social life.
One of my siblings remarked once ‘Why does Nana pay so much attention to you?’.

At 76 I am not the granny in the corner, I am very much the granny in the kitchen cooking them dinner, washing up and making endless cups of tea. I love it that two teenagers want to come and see me every week.

I have 2 DGC, one 6 t'other 9. The 9 year old is a boy with Down syndrome. I love looking after both, but not for too long (I'm 78), getting more and more to be Gran in the corner, though!

I became a granny at 51, an age when I was able to be central to the life of my DGD and her half brother. They would sometimes come and sleep over in my house and I took them to parks and countryside on weekends. When she went to University, not far from home, I took her out for lunch at least once a month. We have always remained close. Conversely, my younger GC were born and lived in the south while I remained in the north, so I was never 'central' in their lives. However, I had many happy caravan holidays with two of them and as often as possible spent weekends with both families. Now I am in the process of moving south to be near all of them. At the advanced age of 82, I'm not able to be a very active granny, but all of them are pleased to see me more often and the icing on the cake is the proximity to my DGD and my beautiful 7-month-old DGGD who greets me with a wonderful, beaming smile, Now the boot is on the other foot and my DGD takes me out for a meal, along with the baby in the high chair. Older DGC are globe-trotting or working; two of them still at school and involved in many activities. I'm a different kind of granny now, but they know I'm there for them and sometimes even willing to put L-plates on my car for them!

I feel I am so lucky with my grandchildren, all in the mid twenties now, 4 girls and 1 boy. Without exception my grandaughters are happy to go on shopping trips and lunch probably every couple of months, this comes from them I hasten to add.

Don’t think anyone’s said this, so I will
Nobody puts granny in a corner! Patrick Swayze said something like that.😁

" this comes from them I hasten to add."

.....and there's the key. I waited for an invite before going down to see the first grandchild - as it happens, DiL and DS were eager to show him off asap. Stayed in a nearby hotel. Felt very grateful to be handed Grandson and allowed to rock him with a lullaby when he cried. Unforgettable.

I dont really have much of a role model of being a gran, because on my Dads side I saw Gran once in my life, and on my mums side Nana was totally in the corner and only really talked to mum and wasn't really interested in us as children.
My own mum wasn't particularly interested in being hands on with my son but she was with my sisters' girls. We've always thought in the family she wasn't basically at ease with boys, as my other sister had 4 boys and same experience.

How has it left me? Just glad to be included and really interested in how GC fare at each turn but it doesn't need to be hands on. I recall being surprised by the depth of my feelings when my very disabled granddaughter got very ill with Covid, at 6 she had to be intubated for 5 days and I remember thinking, "its all wrong, it should be me"

My late DH and I have always been very independant and our only DS is exactly the same so never really needed and rarely asked to help out with GC or anything else.
Since widowhood I feel I really am granny in the corner, often invited round for a meal and included in other events but always feel like a spare part who they feel they should include in things although they would probably hate to know that. Realised lately, like MAW says ,that I need to try to make some friends and get a social life of my own even if it just means I have something to talk about when I see family. Easy to say but
more difficult to do as DH and I led an insular life.

knspol probably you are right, but one interesting thing you says its, "even if it just means I have something to talk about when I see family"

I have a quiet life but my interests - music, books, Quakers (and any belief) are so different....but one can always ask about what they are interested in? How the children are getting on, their interests is a good start.

Oreo

Don’t think anyone’s said this, so I will
Nobody puts granny in a corner! Patrick Swayze said something like that.😁

Indeed he did.

Granny isn't in a corner either, she may feel less involved given aspects of living life, but, to me she's in the circle of GCs life no matter what.

There are tens of sort of granny. Tens of personalities, abilities, ages, nearness, far-away-ness, but apart from the differences, all granny hearts.

Some GP have lots of GC, some have few or none, some estranged, some step GC, some GC in Heaven -- all loved and cherished.

Some GP are couples, some single, some widowed, some never married to their child's other parent, some have adopted - all GPs.

Some GP are sporty, some read, some watch movies, some play games, some cook, some travel, etc - with GC, enriching to their family circle.

Some are inside the very edge of the circle, by distance, estrangement or I'd suppose very old age - still within circle.

To me, no corners - just a circle with people floating about.

Calender girl ,one of my Grandchildren was born a 3 hour train journey away but I went the next day. My DS was so
pleased and grateful as the other Grandparents who lived
much closer had barely acknowledged the birth. I earned
many brownie points for that action but it remains a treasured
moment for me.

harrigran

At 76 I am not the granny in the corner, I am very much the granny in the kitchen cooking them dinner, washing up and making endless cups of tea. I love it that two teenagers want to come and see me every week.

You're so lucky, my teenage gds both drive and go to university close to me. Have never visited. I often wonder what's wrong with me 😒

Oreo

Don’t think anyone’s said this, so I will
Nobody puts granny in a corner! Patrick Swayze said something like that.😁

I was dirty dancing the other night, but in my dream and with someone I'm not very keen on any more (a Beatle).
What would Freud have made of it?

I wish I could remember my Grannies.
One died years before I was born, the other when I was about four, but I can't remember her although apparently I saw her a lot.

Maw….such an insightful question to ask us, and I’ve given it a lot of thought …..I have 5 GC all in their teenage years and a husband who wants to be a grandfather supporting them now in their active lives, but not taking the traditional role that I have given them when they were younger and the relief babysitter, drop off or pick up from school or cater for them if they were unwell and couldn’t go to school.

Now four of them are involved in various team sports for their school or university and we are their supporters……on the sidelines, the touch line or in the stands always cheering them on. We love this commitment ….and the ‘arms length’ involvement we still have in their lives. But once I take off my ‘game supporter’ hat I am definitely ‘Granma in the corner’ I’m proud to say that at 80 I am wearing that title as an honour and not a sign of regret from days gone by.

I am 66 and still granny on the floor, luckily able to get down and play with my two little grandsons, one 4 and one 20 months, though it is a bit testing when the older one turns into a marauding "sabre tooth lion", his little brother joins in, although he has no idea what is happening!!!