Should I provide Childcare??

I would stay clear of her OCD issues and do NOT suggest she postpone going back to work. Do not judge the parents’ decision! Expect that they have discussed this and agree that going back to work is important. If Montessori is an available option, tell them you really appreciate her giving you the opportunity but that you have two issues preventing you from doing so, financial and most importantly, physical limitations. Tell her that you are physically unable to do more than be a backup in a pinch. How can daughter respond to that by saying, “yes you are physically able”? In my experience just getting an infant in and out of a car seat is exhausting!!

I agree - opt for one day a week, and let the parents figure it out.

I cared for my granddaughter for 2 years full-time (but I was only mid-50s) and my SIL was still ungrateful. The time with her built an incredible bond with her, so I don't begrudge it; do what feels best for you. It's okay to say no, too. Montessori is not a bad option either.

I agree wth other people, and the fact you ask really answers your own question. My DD2 run the idea by me of her going back to work and me watching grandchild, this was dismissed as a not workable idea and she found a great childminder. Like others I am happy to help out of needed but not fit enough to do anything regularly

I would say don't do it. I had to leave my job early for health reasons arthritis. When my daughter had her baby some years back my husband suggested I look after the baby as I "no longer worked". He said it would be a doddle looking after a little one as we raised six children of our own, I foolishly agreed. Our granddaughter was a delight we played together made cakes went for walks and had a lovely time, but once she turned two it became more of a challenge for me with arthritis becoming worst. I broke down in tears and told my daughter they would have to put her into preschool it was to much for me. So glad I made that decision my granddaughter thrived, I did it just in time as our other children went on to have children and I made it clear no childminding from me. Our youngest often makes comments about doing it for one and not for his children but as I point out I am in my seventies and his wife's father is the same age as our eldest daughter.

I can say from experience that being 70 with OA causing pain and physical limitations, even one day a week looking after a young baby, with help from DH, proved too much, especially with the extra load of collecting her sister from school, taking and fetching her from Brownies plus a sleepover - the older sister not the young baby who went home after a 12-13 hour day.
I managed fine with my older DGD some 7-8 years ago, a shorter day.
Certainly don't feel bad about declining in favour of the Montessori nursery and please don't feel you should take on something that ultimately you can't manage. Best to be truthful and say that you can't manage: our adult children should realise that as we age we have limitations!

My daughter is a single parent who adopted two siblings (two and five) just over two years ago. She loves children and worked as a nanny when she was younger, but it was still a lot to take on. We moved to be near her and now I do at least four school runs every week to enable her to get to work. Her son is starting school in September, going from full-time nursery care to (very) part-time school so I will be helping out more for a while. In the holidays they'll be at some sort of holiday camp with slightly shorter hours than school and I'm happy to help with the hours she can't be there.
However she's worked from home for two days a week and now changed jobs so she'll be at home for three days. Although she knows I'm happy to look after the children if they are sick, she's always gone out of her way to arrange as much childcare as she can afford as she believes that it is her responsibility to do this.
Your daughter's condition (whatever it is) sadly means that she has no flexibility which is what makes it so difficult for you I guess?
Personally I would not have agreed to take on a small child for three or four days a week, and I'm fairly fit (though getting on a bit!).
There's absolutely no need for you to feel guilty about not being able to take on what she asked, the children are her responsibilty.

I’m in a similar situation. But Amy daughter needs about 20 hours a week in a flexible arrangement. No money ( we’re ok financially). My husband is disabled and I’m worried I’ll be stretched too far caring for multiple generations. I agreed but I’m worried sick that I’ll let them down. 🫤

KatyBlue

I’m in a similar situation. But Amy daughter needs about 20 hours a week in a flexible arrangement. No money ( we’re ok financially). My husband is disabled and I’m worried I’ll be stretched too far caring for multiple generations. I agreed but I’m worried sick that I’ll let them down. 🫤

It's tough if your husband is disabled as you really can't offer such a flexible arrangement and still keep everything going. I really think that our children should sort out proper childcare rather than expect us to pick up the slack. Some of those who have posted on here also are still working themselves, so it is very unrealistic to expect them to take on so much childcare too.
I was a stay-at-home mother until my youngest child was at full-time school (largely because I couldn't earn enough to pay for good childcare) and even after this I struggled with finding and paying for childcare in the holidays. But I'm their mother and never expected someone else to step in and take over my responsibilities.
Some adult children seem to expect their older parents to effectively subsidise them, whilst enabling them to enjoy the fruits of working, i.e. their salaries! Realistically my own children and their partners have found that paying for good childcare absorbed a large proportion of the second salary whilst the children were pre-school, though obviously it should pay dividends in the longer term.

l echo what others say, i have health problems i offered 1 day a week looking after my grandson, it wipes me out the day after. when we are torn over a decision it exhausts us more so be careful. Next year from april the gov offers 15 hours free childcare, sept 25 30 hours a week.I am flexible as to if i decide to stop doing it, i would say they thrive as much at a montoressi nursery, i wonder whether i have the energy to stimulate as i would like, and is it good for my gs? We are not responsible for bringing our gc up we did it once with our own children.Some grandparents have nothing to do with with looking after gc! we do it because we care, or do we care too much?

The jury is out and unanimous! DON’T do it came out loud and clear. Of course you are flattered your daughter thinks you are to be trusted with her baby with all the experience you have acquired. But with all that experience comes ages, illness, tiredness and that is the stark reality. Just wondering, are sick babies allowed in daycares? If no, there is another problem for the parents. Stay strong! That’s the hard bit. Wishing you well. C xx

Nana4

The jury is out and unanimous! DON’T do it came out loud and clear. Of course you are flattered your daughter thinks you are to be trusted with her baby with all the experience you have acquired. But with all that experience comes ages, illness, tiredness and that is the stark reality. Just wondering, are sick babies allowed in daycares? If no, there is another problem for the parents. Stay strong! That’s the hard bit. Wishing you well. C xx

No, a sick child isn't usually allowed in a nursery. If they actually vomit they have to stay at home for 48 hours at my grandson's nursery.

In your position I would
have to decline this invitation as even with age and health on your side this is a
massive commitment. Good luck with everything.

I’ve only ever looked after two of my grandchildren occasionally however as they live 450 miles away it was full on for about one or two weeks at a time.Covering for the nanny’s holidays. I loved it but needed a holiday afterwards to recover. It was the early starts in the mornings that was so difficult as they were awake from 6am. They are now 10 and 8 and it is much easier. Not up just so early and they are at school. I’d think very carefully given your situation before committing to an arrangement that really will not be good for your health. Enjoy your new grandchild.

No!

I have fibromyalgia, and a multitude of other medical diseases and syndromes, and would love to do more with my grandchildren, but you will find it too much. Stick with your little job as long as possible, as it gives you some social contact, which I miss dreadfully ....

I had my 2 the other evening, I was shattered when they left!

I definitely would say it will be too much for you ....

I cared for my grandsons for 2 days a week from the oldest (now 51/2) being 10 months old. It did involve a challenging amount of travel and eventually it got to be too much and earlier this year I had to ask my daughter to make alternative arrangements for her 18months old toddler and the after school care for his older brother. At the time I felt awful, but now having picked up more paid hours in my job and claiming back my days am so relieved that I spoke up when I did.
It’s such a big commitment that I wouldn’t offer again but I do value the relationship that I’ve been able to build with the boys and am still available to help cover in the school holidays.

This is far too much. Just one or at a push two days
I am 70 and I thankfully only have to do school pick ups two afternoons and that's more than enough. You have to look after yourself!!! Xx

I do 1.5 days a week and I love looking after my GS but I am 72 and it exhausts me! Set the understanding up
along the lines that your daughter must have Plan B if you cannot help and 4 days will leave you reeling. You can say no to 4 days.

It’s exhausting looking after little ones. You can’t take your eyes off them
a moment. Not fair of your daughter to expect so much from you. Perhaps offer adhoc and evening babysitting.

Your daughters baby is the responsibility of your daughter and her husband, not you, so don’t succumb to emotional blackmail or feel any guilt that this is far too much fir you to contemplate. If you were 10 years younger and fit and well, it would be a different story, but such a young baby is a great deal of very hard work, both physically and emotionally. Does your daughter even know of your health problems?

We did this for three days a week in our 70s and although we loved being with our first granddaughter it really wore us out. In your circumstances, with the best will in the world I think you have got to decline or offer one day a week. When baby becomes a toddler it will be harder and the stress will not be fair to you or to the child. I know it is such a difficult decision but look four years ahead. It won't get easier.

Cossy

LouLou23 Just to put your mind at rest I have four grown up children, all went to paid childcare from a very early age, all were fine, social, and slightly ahead when starting “real” school x

That is good to know. I stayed home with mine with the mindset that it was an investment I was making. That said they had lots of time with others watching them too. It's great to hear your kids did well and are happy. I seems it most likely comes down to ones investment as a Mom and making sure to make their kids a priority. That as a foundation and the rest is really so circumstantial depending on a woman's situation. We all do what we can, don't we :-)

cc

Nana4

The jury is out and unanimous! DON’T do it came out loud and clear. Of course you are flattered your daughter thinks you are to be trusted with her baby with all the experience you have acquired. But with all that experience comes ages, illness, tiredness and that is the stark reality. Just wondering, are sick babies allowed in daycares? If no, there is another problem for the parents. Stay strong! That’s the hard bit. Wishing you well. C xx

No, a sick child isn't usually allowed in a nursery. If they actually vomit they have to stay at home for 48 hours at my grandson's nursery.

LOL, my daughter told me I could watch the baby when its sick and not allowed in the nursery. I don't want to get sick!!! Gosh the thinking is incredible. I don't want to watch a sick child and get sick myself and not be able to do what I need to do! My immune system is not the best with the Fibro and other goodies I have to manage. Thanks for bringing that up! Sure helps talking about it!

MadeInYorkshire

No!

I have fibromyalgia, and a multitude of other medical diseases and syndromes, and would love to do more with my grandchildren, but you will find it too much. Stick with your little job as long as possible, as it gives you some social contact, which I miss dreadfully ....

I had my 2 the other evening, I was shattered when they left!

I definitely would say it will be too much for you ....

Thanks for the reality check! Fibro is so unpredictable and enough by itself without arthritis etc!!!

I wouldn’t have dreamt of asking my parents to look after my children for more than the very occasional evening. It’s not their job - it was mine and my husband’s. I live too far from my grandchildren to have been asked to care for them.

I stayed at home with mine, and we put up with living on one income. My grandchildren had a proper paid nanny who became a real family friend.

Rosie 1959, LouLou 23 & OopsaDaisy 1,

Firstly, I am in total agreement with Lou Lou and Daisy.

This is really asking too too much. What about the Mother in Law ?

I would explain your health situation and the fact that you are employed and happy with your part time job and that it is would be quite stressful for you at your stage in life considering your health is not 100%.

Good luck ..