Should I provide Childcare??

I think Montessori will be good for your daughter personally. Having a baby is super-disruptive and nobody thinks that before they have one. New babies do not have a proper routine and some struggle to get one "established" - and some, like me, never had one... all this may be a stress for your daughter so Montessori may be a blessing.

Being able to have that routine will probably help your daughter keep an even keel I think. I would see this as a lucky escape and better for everyone's health and wellbeing long term.

NotSpaghetti

I think Montessori will be good for your daughter personally. Having a baby is super-disruptive and nobody thinks that before they have one. New babies do not have a proper routine and some struggle to get one "established" - and some, like me, never had one... all this may be a stress for your daughter so Montessori may be a blessing.

Being able to have that routine will probably help your daughter keep an even keel I think. I would see this as a lucky escape and better for everyone's health and wellbeing long term.

That's a great outlook on it. It sounds very applicable to this situation. My daughter just comes unglued when things don't go a certain way the way she has preconceived. The Montessori might really be what she needs to feel to feel order in her life and help establish a routine. As much as I hate for children to not be with their Mom or Day during the early years vs Daycare. It feels out of my hands. A lucky escape it might be, as I foresaw alot of potential conflicts arising if I stepped in she often overreacts and then it takes me days to recover. Regardless, I will have a hard time seeing my grandchild in someone elses hands for that long even if it is a good Daycare. Thanks for your thoughts.

Regardless, I will have a hard time seeing my grandchild in someone elses hands for that long even if it is a good Daycare.

Ask if you can go and visit the nursery and meet the staff, it will reassure you.

I'm a registered childminder and recently went to the evening wedding reception of one of my families, their son is five and I've looked after him since he was a baby.
I've met his grandma several times over the years when they've come to visit (they don't live locally) and we had a lovely catch-up at the wedding.
She is full of praise and very appreciative of all the help and support I've given her son and his family over the years 🥰

Dont

It’s entirely yours and your daughter (& other family members) decision - if you decide to do just make sure there’s some firm “rules” in place and check what you can and cannot do with your new grandchild and enjoy x

PS I love the suggestions here of combining professional childcare with a day a week for you - best of every world - and it’s not just America where maternity pay isn’t great, still many work places although by law have to keep jobs open for a year aren’t obliged to pay you for a year and statuary Mat pay is low. Good luck and congrats whatever happens

LouLou23 Just to put your mind at rest I have four grown up children, all went to paid childcare from a very early age, all were fine, social, and slightly ahead when starting “real” school x

I looked after a grandchild two days a week from age 6 for three years, I was also working 20 hours a week and as much as I enjoyed it as a physically fit and energetic 56 year old it was exhausting… I’m now four years later looking after another one for one day a week while working 12 hours and in all honesty I am just about managing.. I have met many grandparents at baby/ toddler groups who all started off committing to 3 or 4 days a week but had to gradually reduce the days due to tiredness yet many of them were in good health.. wishing you well

I would gladly look after my DGD every day of the week but she’s 11! I could not do it for a baby, who will soon enough be a toddler, and I have lower levels of pain than the OP. There is a lot of good advice on here about how to tell you daughter that one day a week would be possible. Please don’t feel selfish about it.

It’s hard to explain to young parents how exhausting their babies can be. I am 78 and not in good health but have helped out with our grandsons wherever possible, even travelling back and forth to France where we lived for many years. I recently had a disagreement with my eldest DD when she thought I should be more committed to her when a family funeral clashed with an event where she needed me to look after my autistic grandson for two nights. She had no idea how stressful this conflict was for me, only how it affected her. Fortunately my dear OH stepped in and we shared the childcare. Lou Lou, you need to do some straight talking to your daughter before things get this far. Good luck!

Don't do it! We looked after our DGC all day before they went to school and just that one day was exhausting. Now have them one day after school and all one day during the holidays. It doesn't get any easier. If you feel able, offer one day at most.

The issue here is how to stop rolling over your own boundaries and be assertive

You won't be doing yourself or your daughter any favours of you say 3 days vs 1 and then nursery cannot readjust to the new request

Plenty of nurseries have waiting lists and this could also be an issue your daughter is encountering - hence the early arrangements

Just to addto the above posts from my experience looking after a baby/child requires a lot more than watching. The feeding playing nappies walks..... I could go on.

Hi, all I can do is agree with the comments, I had my granddaughter from an infant to school age, and then every school holiday till she was about 10/11. It was only one day a week, but I developed fibromyalgia during that time. I had to get up at 6.00 to get to theirs, semi rural area, difficult roads. Not a penny offered. Not that that really matters but it was so difficult at times I could have cried. I did love being with her and appreciated the trust they had in me. Trouble is now I`m older I have been expected to step in quite often and I just can`t which doesn`t go down well. I do so understand the fibro. Its your turn to enjoy your life, you`ve done your share .xx

Hi I’ve arthritis and fibo and I have one of granddaughters who is a 2yr go go I pick her up from nursery 2 days a week she is in full time nursery and as being since a baby. Only have her a couple of hours and I’m wreaked she doesn’t sit still from the min she gets home until the min her parents get home. Both in the military So you imagine that for 8 plus hours. My grandson is 4 and even he is the same. Both my daughter inlaws both said I’m nanna not nanny lol and the whole idea is to enjoy our time together not be a chore.

I have my 12 month old gd 2 days a week and as much as k love having her it's very tiring and by the end if 2nd day I'm exhausted 4 days would be out of the question and I'm in pretty good health ideally 2 days nursery and 2 days with you would probably be more manageable I'd explain you don't feel up to it now rather than try to do it and then have to make other arrangements

Fr what you say even one day would be difficult. And you love your job. Say you will be a backstop for those times eg when Montessori on strike, any emergency etc. What M0nica said too.

I think the mere fact you’re asking indicates you really, really don’t want to do it! Two of my GC went to a nursery from 6 months and they’ve grown up to be very independent, sociable children (now 11 & 13). Yes we helped out when they were ill and collected them from time to time. We also helped out once they were school at school during holidays etc. Stand your ground…

I agree with Primrose 53. When did it become the norm to assume grandparent s will be childminders ? This whole story about “having” to go back to work ? Fine if it’s financial necessity but if it’s not then pay a childminder , not buy a better car / house !

I think you know the answer… a resounding no!

I also don’t understand why adult children ask their mothers to look after their babies when they know full well they struggle with health issues, I looked after my grandson when he was baby but my daughter didn’t go back to work that quickly, you are saying she’s not open to a flexible arrangement due to her ocd! Her ocd shouldn’t be your problem, i don’t think I would feel honoured that she has asked you to be encrusted by looking after your grandchild. She’s not looking at the bigger picture, you are in chronic pain !

Free vet care for answering the phone? Where can I find this job!

I really think it unreasonable to be taken for granted this way. You are clearly not able to take care of a small child and your daughter should realise that.
Tell her just how much time you would be able to manage without damaging your own health and ask her to work around that.

Nursery is the best option - it’s hard work when they are babies, let alone moving around!
Plus if you were at theirs you’d be cleaning, cooking, etc (it’s hard not to)…
Emergency childcare might be an option as little ones can’t attend obviously when they are poorly but you need to look after yourself to keep well and have a lovely time/relationship with the child as they grow up - enjoy and take care of yourself xxx

It is your daughter's child and not yours. She should have considered childcare before deciding on having a family. offer a few hours a week if you want to but anymore would be wrong for your health