Why are toys still so gendered?

Absolutely Maizie it begins with the words they hear from adults.

The only time my beautiful son was called pretty or cute by a stranger was when I dressed him in a baby smock which I myself had worn as a baby.
I remember he was sitting in the supermarket trolly seat and some ladies were smiling at him/her.
Usually he was complimented with words like clever and strong.

One of my children didn’t want to allow her son,my grandson, to have guns so he did the obvious thing and got gun- shaped sticks from the garden and pretended they were guns. Duh.

At least she hadn't spent money on some replica killing machine nanna8
I remember the neighbour's son bursting into our house one Christmas day dressed in combat gear and firing at us all with a replica machine gun. My DSis, who was pregnant, has never forgotten the shock.

We had no play guns in our house (though I did as a child). Other people's children had to leave them at the gate.
We had plenty of crafts - which the boys and girls did together (including sparkly things and glitter). Both my boys wore pink (because it's just a colour) but I never bought any pink for my first child (a daughter) as it seemed to me to be strongly gendered.
We had no Barbie dolls or action men.
We did have construction toys and dolls etc, a sit-on tractor and a caterpillar.

We did our best to give our children choices and encouraged fearlessness and gentleness in the boys and girls alike but felt (and feel) the gendering is strong from outside the family whatever you do. We were not trying to raise gender-neutral children but wanted our girls to have the opportunities boys had and vice-versa.

Many girls learn from others that some things are "not for them" - too muddy, too high, too difficult and boys are called names for not being sufficiently "masculine". I still hear this in the street.

It is definitely the language in the very early days that, in my opinion, starts the gendering so that by the time we get to toddler groups the difference is embedded. I remember some research that found by 21 months children knew what group they "belinged to".
The "beautiful, helpful" girls or the "big, strong, clever" boys.

Gendered toys are the tip of the iceberg!

Surely children play with what they want. Over sixty years ago my parents bought me a gun, holster, and caps for my gun, a cow boy outfit and I played with Johnny West, the cowboy and his horse. I had the full gear from chaps to saddle bags, rifle the works. My friend's brother had a doll which we played with altogether when we were about 8. Perhaps it is down to the families to chose what they think appropriate. My rather obnoxious cousin bought 'gender free' toys for her daughter 20 years ago and the girl turned out to be a sugar pink Barbie lover.

We had no guns because they are weapons, not because they are ‘boys’ toys.

Like your cousin, LR, we had a friend who was vehemently anti-Barbie, and her daughter (friends with mine) became a superfan. Children want to fit in. I can’t say that I was a great fan of Barbie, but left to themselves my daughter and her friends played with them in all sorts of ways that simply reflected their reality. Barbie went to work, on holidays like theirs, to the dentist and so on. It certainly wasn’t all about looking good to get a man, despite the appearance of the dolls.

My very old-fashioned uncle who was a wheelwright and had a workshop in the small village where I grew up, gave me pieces of wood, nails, hammer, and a small saw - and taught me how to 'make things'.

Because there were no toys to play with in his house as his only child had reached adulthood. His answer was, "let the bairn do summat useful".

I do think that there is an element of nature in this - ducks below parapet!

I had 3 girls - they had assorted toys, some traditionally girlie ones and other things like Scalextric. They played with both, but more with the girlie ones.

I know have lots of GC, including 5 boys, and there is absolutely no doubt that they gravitate towards things with wheels and mechanical appeal. In one case I think there is a bit of conditioning as he has a macho father who steers him in that direction; in the case of the others it is just how they are.

I do not think we should get too panicked about the toys - parents are free to buy whatever they want for their children from either selection. The selling techniques simply reflect what is.

Now there isn’t the cowboys and Indians element, and none of the dressing up outfits we have involve guns, I often wonder why children (usually boys) make guns out of anything they can find. Is it to do with gender or is it because even the most ardently anti gendered families watch films involving violence. If you ask them what they are playing, it’s almost always related to a film, which shouldn’t have been on when they’re around.

Why is life so gendered, womens this mens that. We are all people first our gender is really quite irrelevant most of the time.

My parents didn't treat us as girls. We had to mend and care for our bikes and help DF with his carpentry. We had a Scalextric and lots of Lego. In those days though, Lego was just the basic bricks in red and white. Nowadays if I look in my DGC's box of Lego, the girls have all pink bricks.

As everyone has been saying, boys always have and always will gravitate towards anything with wheels and girls to anything with faces.

I was interested in Baggs' comment at 12:07 back up the thread about ignoring gendering with children's clothes. Does that mean the boys are put in skirts if they want?

At the end of the day it’s not what you think or like it’s what the child wants to play with, I’m an ex child minder and a nursery teacher and also ex military wife. I’ve had girls play with cars etc and boys carrying dolls pushing prams did i stop them no kids don’t see colour just toys. The only guns we bought were water pistols. Girls will always head to dollies and boys to cars it’s just the way they are. Adults need to stop overthinking about it and let them be kids

Look at the t-shirts. The boys' ones are bold, with cool slogans... the girls' ones are in pastels with Little Pony and Barbie and Princesses.

Many years ago helping at playgroup it was quite noticeable when taking the boys to the loo they all rushed in to pee washed hands and put again.

Taking a group of girls to the loo, as soon as they got in they turned to each other and chatted and had to be reminded to pee.

I never bought guns and such like for my boys so they made them out of Lego and this was before school age.

I went to a gendered grammar school, i.e. girls only, sixty years ago, and studied physics, chemistry and biology at A level. There was no gendering there! My dad was an engineer and encouraged me in my subject choices. I went on to study chemistry at university and then worked as an analytical chemist. I've heard that girls in co-ed schools often shy away from STEM subjects at A level, regarding them as boys' territory. Who influences their ideas and decisions?

Galaxy

Yes it has got worse, and it's ok saying 'I buy the toy irrespective of the sex it is aimed at' but the message is still there loud and clear.

This, exactly.

I bought my DD's a mixture of both. One played with the dolls one took them to pieces to see how the legs etc fitted. When I was an Infant teacher some boys loved to get in the home corner and play "Houses". Some girls loved the construction toys. They do what they want whatever you give them they will turn it into what they want it to be.

"At the end of the day it's not what you think or like it's what the child wants to play with" precisely Nannashirlz. Making an issue out of what are considered to be gendered toys for example dolls for girls and cars for boys, is surely reinforcing the very thing that's being complained about.

JackyB re Baggs comment you mentioned.

One can always ignore all the 'gendering' of toys. We did. We ignored it with shoes and clothes too.
I wondered about shoes and clothes. Whenever clothing is mentioned in relation to gender, it always seems to be putting girls into boys’ clothes (trousers) rather than the other way round (skirts and dresses).
It’s easier now because trousers are designed that girls or ladies would choose.
I bet there weren’t /still aren’t many boys walking in round toed ankle strap shoes either

Single sex school for me too but I regret that I didn't develop an easy relationship with boys.

Our teachers, particularly for science subjects, weren't very good and even though it was a grammar school, I don't think any scientists emerged.

I then went to an all girls Quaker boarding school where past pupils included writer Dame Margaret Drabble, astronomer Dame Jocelyn Bell Burnell and Dame Judi Dench.

At the end of the day chldren will be attracted to whatever they feel, regardless and more often than not, boys will be boys and girls will be girls. I remember about 65 years ago wanting a gun because my boy cousin had one, it wasn't a problem and I also had dolls.

I’m 78 and used to only be interested in brother’s Meccano and tool sets, and not in the least interested in dolls. This was when we were pre school of course

Customer demand. If there were a demand for gender neutral toys they would be marketed; except in places where gender-neutrality is illegal.

What annoys me is clothes shopping for my 3 year old Grandson. Girls clothes take up aisle after aisle of assorted pinks, boys are a few racks shoved in a corner, with overwhelming camo designs. We've had issues since he was born...try buying clothing for premature tiny boys...

when he was young kind, I bought a doll and mini-kitchen to my son.. I think it is important to teach kids equality from early age... men should take care of babies and cook equally to women