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Grandparenting

Anxious nannie

(37 Posts)
Bungle Wed 09-Aug-23 13:17:04

Hi there, just wondering if anyone had any advice.
I look after my 2 grandchildren 4 and 2, two days a week.
They are both quite a handful especially the 4 year old. Doesn't like being told what to do, very boisterous as are lots of little ones, but they are becoming so put of control sometimes that it's making me anxious as I can't get them to do as I say.
Their parents are very laid back and they do mostly what they like at home.
It's the anxiousness I feel which I'm finding difficult.

Dianehillbilly1957 Thu 10-Aug-23 19:35:22

As I say to my grandkids ' Grannies Rules '

pandapatch Thu 10-Aug-23 19:57:08

What in particular is making you anxious? Is it just that you feel they should do as you say or are they actually putting themselves in danger?
With my 4 year old grandson keep demands to a minimum and offer a choice of two things where possible (eg instead of saying out your shoes on - ask trainers or sandals)
But some things are non negotiable, (eg hold nanny's hand near busy roads) and he accepts those rules

MerylStreep Thu 10-Aug-23 20:21:24

I don’t think Bungles too anxious as she hasn’t replied to anyone.

Callistemon21 Thu 10-Aug-23 20:35:11

MerylStreep

I don’t think Bungles too anxious as she hasn’t replied to anyone.

Perhaps she's gone for a lie down in a darkened room!

Dcba Thu 10-Aug-23 22:14:36

When my granddaughters were that age and my daughter asked if I could babysit them two days a week, I was honest with her and said that I would only agree to the arrangement if I could put them into a local playgroup the mornings that they were in my charge. I got a few ‘raised eyebrow looks’ from her, but that was the arrangement I was offering! Caring for little ones of that age all day I knew would be exhausting - and neither am I the most creative minded Grandma to keep them happily involved and occupied whilst in my care. So my suggestion to you is start a new routine, find a playgroup locally where you can drop them off for those two mornings, and I can assure you, your anxiety level will drop and you will enjoy caring for your grandchildren so much more once you’ve started a routine like this!

Hetty58 Thu 10-Aug-23 22:20:05

I agree with Welbeck - as long term anxiety is so damaging to health. You want to be around for them as they get older so why risk being ground down by it all now?

Most of the suggestions above, for expecting certain standards of behaviour, simply wouldn't work for my four-year-old grandson with autism. He simply can't behave well, so it takes at least two adults (with energy) to supervise him and keep him safe.

SuperTinny Thu 10-Aug-23 22:36:02

A 2 and a 4 year old twice a week? I'm exhausted looking after a single 'threenager' just once a week!

My older husband is worried about if and when a second grandchild might come along. He doesn't think he could do it again. We have discussed this ourselves and would consider funding a nursery day rather than have two under fives at the same time.

Maybe its time, as others have said, to reset your boundaries and others expectations.

Bungle Fri 11-Aug-23 08:13:32

Thank you some great advice

M0nica Fri 11-Aug-23 09:05:38

If you are an anxious person and worry this much about caring for your DGC, then try and change the arrangements.

My experience suggests that if you are confident and assume an air of being in control, tell children what to do and sanction them if they don't, they soon get the idea and knuckle down.

And, of course, in your own home Granndma's Rules are paramount.

Remember confidence, is a confidence trick. You do not have to have it. Just act as if you do.

jenpax Fri 11-Aug-23 13:35:51

twiglet77

My grandsons range from 6 to 1 year old. Best thing is to get outside - boys are easily delighted with a ball, a stick, a puddle… a hill to clamber up or slide or roll down. Bike or scooter, take a drink and snacks, keep on the move. I have apps on my phone to identify plants and insects, the eldest has been fascinated with these since he was about 4. I pick up bargains at charity shops so there are always clothes at my house that can get wet, muddy or spoiled without parental concern. Swimming things live here too, and we go to the local pool through the holidays for a 90 minute fun session. Frisbee on the recreation ground, throw balls into the stream for the dog to retrieve, visit ALL the local playgrounds to rank slides and zip wires in order of preference. Take kites up to the field if it’s windy, or bubble mix. We get outside in all weathers, they have wellies, raincoats and gloves here. And afterwards we can settle on the sofa with books or a film, or do drawing, or make paper planes.

I much prefer having them here than looking after them in their own homes. Even if they’re here once or twice a week, the slightly less familiar setting makes it much easier to occupy them!

This sounds like only very fit and active adults can do!

Bungle Fri 11-Aug-23 16:42:59

Thanks for all the advice.
I think I do just need to set the ground rules. Nannies rules and stick to it. I think I may have been over worried about them not wanting to be with me.