losing my three granddaughters and I'm crushed

I know how you feel, my year old gd was everything to me she was born close to the time i lost my mum. I was in severe grief and depression only relief was my gd, she made it all dissappear. I looked after her when i was needed, she was all i had, i deeply love her. Then covid, and i was pushed to the edge not seeing her. Now my daughter hardly speaks i ask and ask to see my gd always excuses sometimes nothing. I am now 2 years out of depression but i mourn the lose of my gd. I have to keep busy but in the early hours i will be up and very upset. Unless you have loved like this you cant understand. I hope you manage to get involved in something enjoyable and make the best of it. Believe me i understand you.

Ydoc . It's those that have been through very similar experiences who are able to understand,

It's hard and I feel for you . Three of my grandchildren lived next door to me for 8 years, I was there when they were born. I did everything with and for them and I love them totally. They now live half a world away. FaceTime helps but it is of course not the same. I have always tried to remember that my children and grandchildren are not 'mine' - they are their own selves, and I have to have a life of my own, however much I miss and long for them. I hope the OP can find a way to bring meaning and service into his life so he finds a life of value and fulfilment.

You wont lose them. Grit your teeth and make sure you can make arrangements to see them as often as possible and use Zoom.

You are do lucky to have had your grandchildren in your life. I have 4 grandchildren who are denied their loving grandparents.
Keep the contact going by skype, phone etc and enjoy visiting them once they are settled.

Pinkjj27 perhaps you could reread the OP. The grandchildren are taken to all the parks in town. Not just swimming.

I agree with OddOne and Lizbethann55 that most replies have been less than compassionate toward the OP and may well have driven him off. Maybe it's someone's windup and maybe not, but why speculate in the possible face of someone's pain? I've read MANY posts on here from people who adore their grandchildren and express their attachments in all sorts of ways. I've frequently thought that how I feel for my first grandson rivals the feeling of falling in love. It's difficult to find words to express feelings at times.

These girls are not just my granddaughters they are my world my best friends my copilots in life They go everywhere I do that includes my friend’s house, Home Depot, grocery shopping you name it and they are by my side

I think this is where any judgements have come from gmarie it does sound unhealthy don’t you think ? Surely the 5 and 7 year old should be out playing with their mates when they are not at school don’t you think ? to be in a grandfathers care 24/7 can’t be good for anybody

Hi BlueBelle

Re/ These girls are not just my granddaughters they are my world my best friends my copilots in life They go everywhere I do that includes my friend’s house, Home Depot, grocery shopping you name it and they are by my side

I honestly just read that as him mentioning all of the things that he does with his grandchildren not as listing everything that they do in entirety. Also, I feel it's hard to put feelings into words and more-so when one is facing the loss of something they've come to love and depend on being there in real time. I'm sure he will adjust to the change but surely all of us can think of a time when a change or loss felt so acute, at first, that it defied description (divorce, death of a loved one, estrangement, etc.). Finally, I don't see anything at all wrong with saying he took his grandchildren to a friend's. Would the reaction be the same if the poster was a woman?

Maybe being from the US is a factor. We're know for our effusiveness and plain speaking.

No, being in the US is not a factor

Hithere
No, being in the US is not a factor

Was just making a tongue-in-cheek response to another poster's passing comment, hence the "smile":

Reading a bit more of this post maybe the American way of expressing yourself is considered a bit excessive compared to UK ways. Don't know what others think.

I know how hard it is. My spouse and I are enduring the same situation. Our 3 grandchildren are in Virginia which is 2,000 miles from us. We are on a fixed income so cannot afford to fly out and see them. We saved and drove out last year to see them and the trip about killed us health wise.
We do get to FaceTime but the 3 yr old and 1 1/2 yr old don’t know us. They will grow up not knowing their paternal grandparents.
Be thankful you have been able to establish a relationship with them. They WILL remember that. Perhaps you can fly out for the holidays.
I know exactly how you feel and we are in the same boat. Stay strong and reach out to them every week.

We read it very differently Gmarie I read it as it was written, you saw it as flowery language interesting isn’t it how interpretations can vary so much unfortunately I don’t think the poster will come back to clarify
Let’s hope you are right because this last sentence would worry me terribly I love those girls more than life itself and I cannot lose the loves of my life I see that as a big red flag I do hope you are right and I am wrong

I don’t know what to make of this. Have the parents not brought up their children? Where is the op s wife in all this? I hope he comes back to clarify things.

I wonder if people who say "it's the same country" realise that California to Tennessee by car is 2,000+ miles? It could be 2,500+ miles depending on location. It's like going from northern tip of Scotland to the southern coast of England three times each way - or if flying, it's a 4-6 hour flight. It's like going to the Gambia from London rather than France or Italy for example.

But they re alive, they re well, the father has a job, they will be with their own mum and dad Notspagetti this grandad needs help maybe in dealing with this but it’s really all good news however many miles between them
This gentleman needs help in how to learn to deal with a different life for him and his wife

It always concerns me when an adult claims a small child is their "best friend". How can this be? It puts a massive burden onto the child and implies that the adult leans on the child for support.

Give yourself permission to grieve . . . it will be easier to form new bonds later if you allow yourself the grieving process you need now.

I know I am going to get onto trouble for this but…............ Forgive me but I really do not understand why the OP and others on this thread invest such emotional energy into ' possessing ' their GC!! I have always considered myself a very loving GM and trust me I love them all very dearly. Lots of GM duty , treats and unconditional love ! I do my best to ensure all is well for them and indeed their parents - but our GC have parents who will be there ( hopefully) after we are gone . We have invested a huge amount of emotion into bringing up our own children - it's their turn now! I do worry that those who make their GC 'their life' will be heartbroken when those children become teenagers/ and strain at the leash to begin their journey into adulthood and GPs are not at the top of their priority list ! This is how it should be ! Of course we love our GC but the love we give them will be the wind beneath their wings as they soar into the world. If we don't suffocate them they will return from time to time to show their love and appreciation. IMO it is grossly unfair to smother them with such a possessive love. I genuinely apologize if my post has upset / offended anyone, that is not my intention, just my opinion!

Shelflife - I fully agree with you. I sometimes wonder did those so invested in their grandchildren miss out something with their own children and now trying to compensate?

Like you, I love my grandchildren, but my involvement with them is mainly to do with wanting to help out their parents - my own children!

Thankyou Farmor, like you I endeavor to help my AC so they can help their children and I love them all! It is a complex situation and as you say there may be reasons why this all consuming love for GC happens. We brought our children up to be as stable as they can be , we didn't suffocate them and have no intention of suffocating our GC, and I hope our children will do the same for their offspring and any future GC they may have! We have a great relationship with our 3 AC , I think this is partly due to ensuring they have always known how much we love them but at the same time we respect their individuality and support the decisions they make as adults. AC and GC are not ' mini me's' they are their own wonderful selves!

There’s no one size fits all when it comes to families. We each have our own circumstances and challenges to deal with and we don’t know what the OP’s are or why he’s been so involved in his grandchildren’s lives. And having been met with comments such as:

his wording is very weird indeed! Must be a scam , he is probably reading our posts with great satisfaction!! If it is not a scam there is something very seriously wrong!

I doubt very much that he’ll be coming back to tell us.

Shelflife, no trouble from me, as I wholeheartedly agree with you. While I do love my grandchildren, I can feel there is something wrong with me when I read of grandparents ‘adoring’ their grandchildren, and worrying themselves sick over relatively minor situations the children’s parents are no doubt handling.

Thank you Daddima, good to know I am not entirely alone in my view.

Shelflife you have said it for me too I love my grandkids, some through distance I ve had less involvement with, but now as young adults they are the next generation and like young birds flying out the nest they are making their way in this sometimes difficult life I ll be there if needed (for encouragement, sometimes a loan) but not at the forefront of their minds
This gentleman needs some help to come to terms with the fact that these are not his children and do you know what I d be saying the same to him if they were his very own children too much, too much you are suffocating them with your love
Share that love with your wife with your children with friends with hobbies give them the confidence to be apart from you and to find their own feet give them the confidence to fly and fall and fly again and soar and be happy for their freedom