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Twin grandchildren first birthday - advice please

(52 Posts)
NemoNanna Thu 21-Sep-23 13:38:12

My twin grandsons are coming up for their first birthdays. They were very premature so won’t really be aware, however, are there any grandparents of twins out there who can advise me on birthday and Christmas etiquette? Do you get them joint cards and presents? Or one each? Do you buy them the same gifts? And if I make a cake, is a joint one acceptable?

nanna8 Thu 21-Sep-23 13:40:51

One each ! A joint cake would be ok but certainly not presents. We have twins in the family and they need their own identity.

FannyD Thu 21-Sep-23 13:46:32

I’m the aunt of twins. Always got separate gifts and cards. They are two separate people! However, I think a joint cake would be fine!

Grannynannywanny Thu 21-Sep-23 13:46:48

I remember when my friend gave birth to twins 30 odd years ago this was a real bugbear for her when well meaning folk gave joint birthday cards and gifts. Id say the joint cake would be fine but definitely separate cards and gifts. My friend even asked for her twins to be placed in separate classes when they starts school.

Theexwife Thu 21-Sep-23 13:49:05

Twins in our family didn’t even like having the same things or clothes and certainly nothing joint.

When they are little and haven’t learnt to share I would think they need similar items. At one year old I don't suppose it matters.

If sending one card or gift it doesn’t seem right that they would be addressed as the twins instead of separate children.

Shelflife Thu 21-Sep-23 14:04:00

I am a twin , but them a gift each - not the same . I always said if I had twins I would probably send them to different schools to avoid the inevitable comparisons! Having said that I love being a twin , we have been together from conception. I believe that individuality should be encouraged, even if that happens the bond will not be broken. Bring a twin is great , but being compared throughout childhood is not so great. Our parents treated us as individuals but we did share a birthday cake , I remember thinking " wonder what it would be like to have a cake just for me " Enjoy their birthday party !

Aldom Thu 21-Sep-23 14:04:36

Giving twins joint gifts, cards etc. is the same as giving Christmas Day birthday children one gift for both celebrations.
We have several sets of twins in our family, also Christmas Day birthdays.

Shelflife Thu 21-Sep-23 14:05:24

Our mum always said she was determined we would not be addressed as ' The twins" but by our first names - how right she was !

Rosie51 Thu 21-Sep-23 14:37:26

Our twins were one last week. Separate cards and gifts were very much appreciated by their parents as treating them as two individuals not two halves of a perfect whole. We ensured the cards were similar but different, and the gifts different. They will play with each other's gift anyway. One cake is acceptable or two very small cakes if preferred. If you make one cake you might want to ice each name and provide a candle for each child. Enjoy the celebrations.

Hithere Thu 21-Sep-23 14:46:58

One year olds are not aware of their first birthdays parties at all

Talk to the parents - it is a milestone for them, much more if they were premature, had/have health issues, etc

Also ask if parents want you to bake the cake(s) - you may not want to steal a first

Fairislecable Thu 21-Sep-23 14:59:47

Always treat them as individuals, 2 cards and 2 gifts.

My twin daughters (nearly 40) still have the same gifts from me. This year they both had pyjamas but a different style to suit their individual tastes.

I have to be careful if buying different things as they are on the lookout for favouritism!

SusieB50 Thu 21-Sep-23 15:50:15

I’m a grandma of twins (boy and girl) now 13 . They always had their own cards and presents except for their 3rd birthday when they had a climbing frame , but also small individual presents. They shared a cake but with separate candles and each name . They
had separate birthday parties one year ! But their first birthday is mainly for the parents and very special …

Chocolatelovinggran Thu 21-Sep-23 16:16:16

I'm with Suzie in that my twin granddaughters have separate gifts except for the "big " ones - climbing frame etc - no one wants two of these! My daughter goes for a joint cake. Like many modern parents she's avoiding too much sugar.

NemoNanna Thu 21-Sep-23 16:28:37

Thank you all for the great advice. I was thinking along the lines of separate gifts and cards anyway. I thought I’d get similar cards but personalised with their names. I like the idea of similar gifts but not identical I’m sure their parents won’t want two of every single toy. Also thank you for the advice about the cake, I’ll definitely ask first if they’d like one. So glad I asked!

midgey Thu 21-Sep-23 16:36:28

My sister had twins, but she also had a child eighteen months older. My mother always made sure the older child had an ‘unbirthday’ present until she was a little older!

wildswan16 Thu 21-Sep-23 17:23:21

For a first birthday I don't think it matters if you get two smaller gifts or one big one. I presume the cake will only get eaten by the grown-ups so definitely just one!

Later on, a gift each is best - but most times a different gift each as parents really don't want two of everything cluttering things up. Hopefully they will share their toys amicably!

CanadianGran Thu 21-Sep-23 18:06:19

Not a twin, but I share my birthday with my younger sister.

We always had separate (small) cakes, mine chocolate, hers vanilla. I think because they are young, it is fine to share.

Greenfinch Thu 21-Sep-23 18:27:54

I agree with what everyone else has said. Our twin grandchildren (a boy and a girl) have always been treated individually as far as presents and cards are concerned and are never referred to as “ the twins”. Their only joint present was a trampoline. They went to separate secondary schools and are now at separate colleges.Their relationship has always been like that of any other brother and sister rather than having the closeness of a twin.

Oldbat1 Thu 21-Sep-23 21:31:29

We have twin daughters. Never give them the same present is my advice. I wanted them in separate classes at school. One loves being a twin the other doesnt.

JdotJ Sun 24-Sep-23 11:12:46

I'm the grandmother of twins, boy and a girl who are now 7.
We've always bought individual presents but their mum (my DD) does only buy one cake but personalises it for one half each.
They also have a helium balloon each of their age which is personalised.

Cambsnan Sun 24-Sep-23 11:37:17

Never the same present! Where is the joy if your sibling opens it first!
At one they don’t need much so money for when they are older is much better.

Nannan2 Sun 24-Sep-23 11:40:22

So maybe twins would prefer a cake each?who knew!🙂My grandchild birthday connundrum is how to break it to my DD that im away on 2day trip when its the youngest ones first birthday! was booked before she arrived though...(im upset too as i always love being at their 1st birthdays) but theres no other day the trip goes on😔

Missiseff Sun 24-Sep-23 11:54:15

One each surely! They're two different people

maddyone Sun 24-Sep-23 12:35:29

Our twin grandchildren are nine now. We’ve always bought them separate gifts and given their own cards to them. When they were very small they often had the same or similar item in a different colour or style ie two sit and ride toys, one each, but different. Now they’re older they have different interests and we buy whatever they want. Cards will reflect their different interests. They are boy/girl twins so are very different. They are different children to us who happen to be twins.

cc Sun 24-Sep-23 13:34:15

Never, ever, a joint birthday present or card. I think whether they share a cake will depend on whether that is what they want, but they won't care this year!