DIL posh family - advice needed

On checking the etymology of napkin, apparently the word comes from Middle English, borrowing the French wordnappe which means “a cloth covering for the table". The nobility didn't exactly use the tablecloth to wipe their mouths, but little, torn up, bits of the same cloth, hence the diminutive suffix kin.

But IKEA (Swedish) calls them paper napkins, so who's right or wrong?!

Well, I must be right some of the time.

Which probably proves the OP should just go with the flow!

I can never quite understand why the correct usage, settee/sofa; lounge/living room/front room; serviette/napkin; toilet/lavatory is such an issue.
Where you live and what was used in your childhood probably affects usage of certain words and surely if the meaning is understood, that is all that matters.
For example, no-one I know would use the word lavatory, ( it would sound odd) everyone says toilet. Does that make us common? 😉

Alexa and I are at odds on this issue. As I am often confined to bed through illness, I use Alexa to communicate with DH, who is downstairs.
Me: Alexa, pop into the living room.
Alexa: Living room is not on the list. Do you wish to pop into the lounge? 😁

Try Drawing room? I think that's a weird one.

Bog for toilet!

When the ladies left the gentleman to their Port they withdrew hence the withdrawing room. We all enjoy the Port here!

Anyone who tries to make believe that social class is not alive and doing well in contemporary UK is being very naive and unrealistic. The expressions "upper" "middle" "working" and "under" class are used all the time by academics. Its mainly folk on chat forums who go on about classism who get their knickers in a twist.

biglouis, I firmly believe that social class is alive and kicking. More so, since I joined GN.

Marydoll

*biglouis*, I firmly believe that social class is alive and kicking. More so, since I joined GN.

Yup, you’re not wrong.

In which case please give broad description of those ssocial classes and how to recognise who belongs where.

In this country, like almost every other country, money is the only social marker, the more or less of it defines any individuals place in life.

nanna8

Marydoll

biglouis, I firmly believe that social class is alive and kicking. More so, since I joined GN.

Yup, you’re not wrong.

That's why threads like this one irritate me on GN ....... the very title!
"Posh, rich, lower class, normal type, poor relation, jealous, never measure up to", etc etc blah blah, all in one OP. And then throw private school into the mix and start blaming the children! 😲
It beggars belief!

I would say education is an equal social marker in defining people's station in life.

In this country, like almost every other country, money is the only social marker, the more or less of it defines any individuals place in life

This is true to a point. However there are subtle social codes, language and aspects of background which still define the extent to which those with "new" money are accepted. This is what makes the British class system incomprehensible to foreigners and so fascinating to sociologists.

Mohamed Al-Fayed tried hard to ape the manners and usages of the British upper class. However for all his money he could never "buy" his way into citizenship or being accepted as an equal by those who surrounded the royal family.

Returning to napkin/serviette, I just tear off one sheet of kitchen roll !! Whatever class does that put me in? However, I will add that I rarely entertain!

But what is new money and where does it kick in? At £30,000? £50,000, £100,000?

Is DH. the son of a car worker, who went to university, had a well paid job and, in retirment has a nice house, comfortable income and children in academia nouveau riche, and does the fact that he married the daughter of an army officer make him more or less 'nouveau', but my grandfathers started off as London dockers and Irish flax workers, so what part does that play?

Mohamed Fayed is a very bad example to use. He was refused citizenship because he was financially suspect. His brother got citizenship and you only need to look at the number of wealthy Asians in the House of Lords - and outside who have been accepted without query. Sir Sajid Javed and Rishi Sunak, among others, have made money in finance and are entirely part of the British establishment.

If you are only looking at these very wealthy, may be 1% at most of the population, the rest of us 99%, really have no interest in class markers and our place in society is governed more by where we live and who are neighbours are than anything else.

Marydoll

*biglouis*, I firmly believe that social class is alive and kicking. More so, since I joined GN.

Then it obviously is to you. However, that doesn’t mean those you are talking to feels the same way.

Your problem, I think.

Juliet27

Returning to napkin/serviette, I just tear off one sheet of kitchen roll !! Whatever class does that put me in? However, I will add that I rarely entertain!

We use kitchen roll when it's just us or a barbecue, paper napkins if we're having people for dinner and DH always says he'd like to use linen ones!

We're just confused about our station in life 😁

It is you who consider it any kind of a problem. They don’t think about it.

Marydoll

*biglouis*, I firmly believe that social class is alive and kicking. More so, since I joined GN.

Oh how true 🤦🏼‍♀️
Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I could cry.
You can imagine the class I’m ascribed to, living in Southend 😂
We do have 4 grammar schools, though. 🤔

MerylStreep

Marydoll

biglouis, I firmly believe that social class is alive and kicking. More so, since I joined GN.

Oh how true 🤦🏼‍♀️
Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I could cry.
You can imagine the class I’m ascribed to, living in Southend 😂
We do have 4 grammar schools, though. 🤔

Many moons ago, I was accused on GN of being an inverted snob after posting about my deprived background and how I had supported my self at university, by doing bar work in a social club.
My father was a chronic invalid and my parents wanted me out working, rather than going to university.

The point I had actually been trying to make is that education can change your circumstances.

Be proud of who you are, and what you’ve achieved! You sound to have raised a wonderful son, who went to Oxford University (no mean feat), is successful and … wants to welcome you to his home - another success. Don’t worry about what his in laws give them - it would be pretty unusual for them not to give what they can afford and it’s probably calculated as a pre-inheritance gift, gift allowances permitted each year, sort of thing.
Why not mention it to your son and get his guidelines?
Language? Mine’s changed, especially as I’ve moved to a different part of England. I now call things different names as no one would probably know what I was talking about. At least a bedroom is still called a bedroom everywhere (I think) 🤣

MerylStreep I always thought Southend was a posh area. Just goes to show! 🤣

I think you should be grateful that you have a DiL who makes you so welcome . Just buy edible gifts or notice which brands of scent they use . Your DiL sounds lovely. There are such a lot of split and estranged families now you're very lucky indeed.

The point I had actually been trying to make is that education can change your circumstances.

Yes Marydoll that’s more or less what’s being said in this article.

www.aol.co.uk/julian-fellowes-tiktok-not-defeat-110513107.html

Why should anyone need or own five houses??? Does he rent them out or what? Strange different peoples attitudes. If any of my lovely AC had gone out or settled down with someone whose dad owned more than the house he lived in, they would be very embarrased about it.

What the OP states is pure inverted snobbery. Most people with 'loads of money' are not usually very nice people.