DIL posh family - advice needed

Education can indeed change circumstances Marydoll but you are still the same person.

Your "deprived background" and your description of it would not make you an inverted snob*. It wouldn't be what someone said about themselves, but what they said about others that might lead someone to reach that conclusion.

*A person who appears to despise anything associated with wealth or social status, while at the same time elevating those things associated with lack of wealth and social position.

I am from a working class background and talk with a regional accent but live in a county far from where I was raised -as does my husband. 'Some' people do assume you are uneducated and it is actually quite obvious. I personally take no notice but it is ridiculous to suggest it doesn't happen.

OP, the words you used were fine. As your DIL cringed I imagine she will have spoken to your granddaughter about it. As others have said, be yourself. They obviously love you

You can only be yourself! And be proud of yourself, we’re all different and come from different backgrounds
Be content and happy, as you’ve raised a great son who your perhaps more privileged background DIL loves.
It’s also good for your grandchildren to stay grounded and accept we’re all different too.

I'm unsure what you are implying, Daisy Anne by, it wouldn't be what someone said about themselves, but what they said about others that might lead someone to reach that conclusion..

I was commenting on the the fact that education is a route out of poverty and describing my own circumstances, when the poster attacked me.
That is why my passion was helping pupils overcome barriers to learning.
I would never dream of making a personal comment about a person's circumstances nor social status.

I think it's about not making money some sort of god. Rich people do it all the time. Hence Kirsty Allsop's programme about crafting and Christmas, because it isn't always the cost of something, the effort, the thought and the time put into it mean more. Unfortunately society in general insists on making money of most importance. It is something which makes life easier, but it shouldn't make anyone feel inferior. The ability to make money is not necessarily an indication of a life well lived.

Two sayings come to mind can't remember who said them
1. "The rich are different". and the reply "Yes they have more money"
2. "She knows the price of everything and the value of nothing"

If you can help your DIL teach your GCs some values, and not just the price of things, you will be doing more for her, and them, than all the expensive gifts they are given

Franbern what a sweeping and unprovable statement. In following some of my interests I have met a number of wealthy people and they have been as pleasant and as nice as any other group of people.

I think whether people appear pleasant or not depends as much on both individuals as the wealthier of the two.

I always assume that the people I meet, rich or poor, are inherently pleasant people and will accept me as I am as I accept them, and I am rarely disappointed.

Franbern

Why should anyone need or own five houses??? Does he rent them out or what? Strange different peoples attitudes. If any of my lovely AC had gone out or settled down with someone whose dad owned more than the house he lived in, they would be very embarrased about it.

What the OP states is pure inverted snobbery. Most people with 'loads of money' are not usually very nice people.

Now that is inverted snobbery.

Callistemon I recently bought some fabric napkins, thinking they’d be nicer than paper ones. Then it dawned on me that I’d have to launder them so now they’re at the back of a cupboard. I’ve also run out of paper napkins so we’re reduced to kitchen roll. Tbf, it is a posh kitchen roll, not an own brand. It was on BOGOF. 😂

As for houses, one of my son’s friends married an heiress whose family own a castle, one that some of you may well have visited as paying public. I’m sure they don’t need a castle or not one that size, at any rate, but I don’t think son’s friend is embarrassed about it - why should he be?

Presents are often difficult between parents and adult children. My parents used to buy me a bottle of my favourite perfume and my DH a bottle of expensive single malt (more than we could afford). These were always gratefully received.

As regards my in laws, my DH went to great trouble to buy something that they liked (they collected Staffordshire). We also collected but mid century (in the 70s and 80s). What they gave us showed no thought and was given to the nearest charity shop.

SueDonim

Callistemon I recently bought some fabric napkins, thinking they’d be nicer than paper ones. Then it dawned on me that I’d have to launder them so now they’re at the back of a cupboard. I’ve also run out of paper napkins so we’re reduced to kitchen roll. Tbf, it is a posh kitchen roll, not an own brand. It was on BOGOF. 😂

As for houses, one of my son’s friends married an heiress whose family own a castle, one that some of you may well have visited as paying public. I’m sure they don’t need a castle or not one that size, at any rate, but I don’t think son’s friend is embarrassed about it - why should he be?

DH would be happy to iron his inherited linen napkin but he still gets given kitchen roll SueDonim!
😁

Joseann

Try Drawing room? I think that's a weird one.

Bog for toilet!

It was originally a with-drawing room.

I say loo.

Be yourself... do as you feel is right, say what you feel is right
Money can not or should not mould a person, you are who you are, I would say its the person with money who feel compelled to raise to the ranks of pretence and misconception and without coming across with finger pointing at you, J would say that it is allllll in your own mind, like I say be true to yourself be YOU.

💐

It is usually poorer people who get all embarrassed around richer people and decide unilaterally and without aany evidence that the wealthier person is looking down on them.

Different groups of people lead different lives and have habits and ways that others will not rcognise. Those in the acadeemic world, some of whom are very poorly paid and insecure have their language and customs. Move in a sporty world and again they will have a culture of their own. The agricultural community can be very inward looking, 'master and man' are united in the same community, drink in the same pubs.

If people are well off yes they will have spending patterns and life styles they take for granted. They are no different to any other group.

Joseann

Try Drawing room? I think that's a weird one.

Bog for toilet!

What's wrong with "drawing room" if it is one?

The Drawing Room used to be the Withdrawing Room, where the ladies would go after dinner while the gentlemen enjoyed their port and cigars.

DaisyAnneReturns

Joseann

Try Drawing room? I think that's a weird one.

Bog for toilet!

What's wrong with "drawing room" if it is one?

There is nothing wrong with the word. It's weird in the sense that it is unusual and out of the ordinary these days, even for posh people!

But if one exists in your home what else would you call it? You seem to just want to insult people who have large homes - I have never come across anyone calling their only reception room a "drawing room". From here this just looks like one very large emotional chip on your shoulder.

Perhaps you can give us an alternative name for a drawing room that is a drawing room.

From here this just looks like one very large emotional chip on your shoulder.
This all getting a bit silly and personal D,A. You appear to have misinterpretated what some of us have posted. (Myself included,)
Drawing room isn't a very common word, which is why some of us find it unusual to hear it used.
A drawing room implies a large house, which would involvetoo much cleaning for me. 😉

Sorry. I'm not being drawn into arguments in 2024!!

Thanks Marydoll.
It's getting too tiresome to a

...to answer sometimes!

Happy New Year Joseann!

👍 😊

Not to worry Silverberry we’re all Jock Thomson’s bairns as the saying goes, everyone is equal regardless of bank balance. look at Queen Elizabeth’s christmases where she received a jar of home made something or other from Kate and Prince Philip received a whoopee cushion which pleased him enormously.

You’ve nothing to worry about just keep loving your family and don’t leave your dil out.

Marydoll, the "OP" started by describing her DIL and family as "posh" in her title. I haven't introduced it.

I understood your post. However, we only had your report of what you wrote, not the actual post. If your post only contained what you reported on this thread, then the person who replied was, as I said, wrong; you were not using inverted snobbery.

However, you complained that you had been described as an inverted snob on another thread. Your interlocutor is not here to defend themselves (the reason why it is against the rules to have a thread about another thread). In fairness, I suggested that, had you, in your original post, turned your experience against others who did not have it, you may have been guilty of inverted snobbery.

We don't know what was actually said. There are two possibilities. You are complaining because I tried to be fair to both parties, as we had only heard one side.

The poster complaining about the use of the word "drawing room" did not say it was uncommon. I agree. It is. However, that poster described its use as "weird". I asked what other word she suggested the room could be called.

Her post (and yours) did seem to have an angry or unpleasant attitude or way of behaving caused by a belief that one has been treated unfairly in the past. That is the definition of a chip on one's shoulder.