Just wanted some advice. I have one DS who is married with children. Whilst we are comfortable, my DIL comes from a much richer and more upper class family. My son is incredibly bright, going to Oxford and has a really well paid good career. He married a lovely girl who he met there who is always very polite and welcoming but there has always been an undercurrent of knowing that we are not the normal type of people she is used to. She isn’t snobby or rude and is welcoming but it’s just an unacknowledged obvious thing.
Her family are much richer then ours, her father is incredibly successful (they own 5 houses) and are obviously very generous with the grandchildren which we are not able to be. They are also very generous with ds/DIL which we can’t be. For example I found out her parents give her £5000 as a gift to buy something nice for Christmas. Again they are never anything but polite to us, but it’s clear that we aren’t their sort of people.
My grandchildren are just so different to us, they have been sent to private school and whilst they do seem to love us, are quite clearly much closer to her family. Over Christmas I used the words settee and lounge and was corrected by my GD, my DIL winced with embarrassment as she obviously wants me to feel welcome but obviously my GC are being taught not to use ‘lower-class’ words like us. Another example is stockings. We still do stockings for our children (2) which are cheap and cheerful, but I recently found out that when my DS has Christmas with his in laws they do him a stocking with really nice presents. Now I feel like it was rude for me not to do one for my DIL, but she wouldn’t want our cheap one anyway. When we’ve bought her presents in the past she’s always been very polite but they don’t get used. For example we bought her a footstool we thought she would like, but DS said we shouldn’t have as she is very into interiors and likes to pick everything herself. I’ve only seen it used once and obviously that was to be polite.
I probably sound jealous and of course it would be nice to have more money, but I think it boils down to knowing in my heart we will never measure up to her family in generosity and that they are already so much closer. It doesn’t help we are the ‘paternal grandparents’.
Am very proud of my DS for moving on up in the world and we have a great relationship, but am I just destined to be a poor relation and is there anything I can do.
Mary doll has never come across as having a chip on her shoulder.
Your opinion JaneJudge. Are you insisting we all share yours?
JaneJudge
Mary doll has never come across as having a chip on her shoulder.
No, she hasn't!
Happy New Year everyone.
The housekeeper has the day orf so I have to go and vacuum the drawing room before our guests arrive.
Does anyone have advice on how I use the dratted machine please?
Callistemon21
JaneJudge
Mary doll has never come across as having a chip on her shoulder.
No, she hasn't!
Happy New Year everyone.
The housekeeper has the day orf so I have to go and vacuum the drawing room before our guests arrive.
Does anyone have advice on how I use the dratted machine please?
I’ll ask my butler for you.
This thread has gone from the ridiculous to the plain daft.
Too much “Downton Abbey” on Netflix perhaps!
OP could do well to relax, be herself (but for the sake of family harmony-perhaps consult her son re what to buy for DIL next time! White Company always goes down well)
Too much overthinking and a bit of an inferiority complex - not a happy combination.
Perhaps not using the word ‘posh’ would be good.
Daisy Anne words fail me! I commented on something which happened years ago, I I cannot even remember, who the poster was. However, I have never forgotten that unpleasant post, just as I won't forget yours.
You do not know me, so please do not presume to judge me, on the strength of a single comment.
I cerainly do not have a chip on my shoulder. In fact the chip on both shoders makes me well balanced. 😉
Thank to those who supported me in relation to Daisy Anne's ridiculous comments.
DaisyAnneReturns
Your opinion JaneJudge. Are you insisting we all share yours?
And another Fun Sponge posting.
I had to Google Funsponge but yes, what an appropriate word.
Indeed. What a great start to the year.
DaisyAnneReturns
But if one exists in your home what else would you call it? You seem to just want to insult people who have large homes - I have never come across anyone calling their only reception room a "drawing room". From here this just looks like one very large emotional chip on your shoulder.
Perhaps you can give us an alternative name for a drawing room that is a drawing room.
This one makes me chuckle. As far as I know, Joseann herself is very wealthy and very posh, so why on earth would she insult people who have large homes?
Germanshepherdsmum
Perhaps not using the word ‘posh’ would be good.
Indeed GSM.
I had to look up that term. I may use it in the future. 😉
Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.
Gloryanny Scott Fitzgerald is supposed to have said once to Ernest Hemingway, 'You know, the rich are different from you and me. ' Hemingway replied, 'Yes. They've got more money.'
Oscar Wilde had Lord Darlington quip that a cynic was 'a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
In the first, this applies wherever there is a disparity in income, say someone on benefits and someone on the average wage.
In the second, this was written by a man to be said by a man about a group of other men, no women involved at all.
Germanshepherdsmum
Perhaps not using the word ‘posh’ would be good.
👏👏👏👏.
It’s a dreadful word, I would like to put posh and common into room 101.
MerylStreep
DaisyAnneReturns
Your opinion JaneJudge. Are you insisting we all share yours?
And another Fun Sponge posting.
Useful term. 
I don’t think oik is a very nice word to call people either
Sago
Germanshepherdsmum
Perhaps not using the word ‘posh’ would be good.
👏👏👏👏.
It’s a dreadful word, I would like to put posh and common into room 101.
Agreed, better descriptors are available.
Or people could avoid pigeon holes entirely.
I'm not able to discern who has a pot of money, I'm not their accountant, they may have debt, high expenses and needs. Silly worry, imo.
JaneJudge
I don’t think oik is a very nice word to call people either
But I notice it's in common enough use for even those who find drawing room "weird" to understand it.
There seems to be a confusion here about being ‘posh’ ( or U, or whatever you like to call it) and having money. They aren’t closely connected. People with lots of money can be very un-posh, and people with little money can be ‘posh’. It’s more about education, speech, background and values than about money.
Or people could avoid pigeon holes entirely.
That would certainly be a win. Until such time I might just continue to let those who do it, oh so often, (even making new ones up) find they too can be pigeon-holed.
Most people were just sharing their own experiences which is how these forums work.
DaisyAnneReturns
JaneJudge
I don’t think oik is a very nice word to call people either
But I notice it's in common enough use for even those who find drawing room "weird" to understand it.
apparently it was a word used at my late husband's Public School to describe scolarship boys.. so not nice I agree JJ
I suppose I’m in the forcing my opinion on others pigeon hole 😂 nothing could actually be further from the truth. I’m happy to listen to what others have to say, sometimes I will change my mind, sometimes I will just have a better understanding of why people feel differently to me. If I challenge people on threads it’s for want of a better understanding, not so I can dictate to others.
JaneJudge
Most people were just sharing their own experiences which is how these forums work.
The OP pigeon-holed her DIL and family. Someone chose to present their biased view of another's past post. People started picking on words which it's reasonable to assume are not used by all and then more and more it became an attack on certain groups. Maybe that's what you see as "sharing experiences" JaneJudge. That's not how I would describe it.
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