Support for grandparents who have children and grandchildren living abroad

Thank you for starting this thread maddyone. I am aware of the fact that my family abroad are " only" in Scandinavia which is a hop skip and jump compared to those of you talking of trips to Australia and New Zealand. However, visiting for me does involve trips to and from the airport, with all of the costs and management that requires.
I do miss not being there for the small but important days and I am aware that my little granddaughters' default language is not a language I speak - even with my best efforts to learn.

Wow grammaretto that’s some adventurous life your gt grandma led.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets a bit upset when other people say that I'm so lucky nowadays that we can Skype, Facebook, facetime, emails, phone calls etc. That's not always the case. The time difference is a problem. Canada is 5 hours behind us. No easy to call when we are going to bed and my daughter is just home from work. The grandchildren are too busy with their own lives to communicate with us at times. We do text but it's intermittant

Chocolatelovinggran - another here who has grandchildren in Scandanavia - Sweden. They are 8 and 7 now and both speak English to us. However, despite our son talking English to them which they could understand perfectly, they would only talk to us in Swedish till they were 4 or so. Before that, I think they thought we were deaf or stupid because we didn't understand!

We see them a few times a year but the relationship isn't as close as with our other grandchildren who live within a few hours drive.

maddyone

Talk about stress on top of stress! We discovered last night when we tried to check in online for our flights, that my husband’s eta, which is valid until the end of this year, needed to be altered, matched to the new passport he just received. Although he has the old passport aswell as the new one, we’re told we need to go to the airport and Singapore may accept the situation or not. What a flipping mess. We haven’t told the family yet. We may have to delay travel till next week. I’m annoyed with my husband but I shouldn’t be because it didn’t occur to me that we needed to change a valid visa to match a new passport, I thought a visa was matched to the person.

When do you travel? Can the ETA be rushed through online?

Are you leaving Singapore Airport for a night ot two there? Do you need it for Singapore if you're not leaving the airport and only in transit?

I'd have thought it would have been ok too. If he still has his old passport, best to take it with him too.
🤞

What a lovely supportive thread for those in this position!
My DD2 has a New Zealand friend here and I always give her and her children an extra hug because her real mum can't. It might help a tiny bit, though obviously it isn't the same.

maddyone

Hope it takes off Grammaretto and people find it helpful.

Oh dear maddyone, you spoke too soon when you started the thread. ✈️ ✈️
I think the visa is linked to the passport number, so fingers crossed that producing the expired passport and explaining you have re applied will suffice.

Oh crikey, Maddyone, I hope the visa can be sorted! 🤞 Wrt your DD’s situation, that would be regarded as coercive control in the UK and it is a crime. Does NZ have similar laws? She needs a lawyer dedicated to domestic abuse. Also, can she apply for new passports, saying the old ones are lost, which, in effect, they are.

Thank you for starting this thread. I’m also a long distance grandmother. My son married an American and they have lived in the US since 2002. We ourselves also moved abroad at that time plus I still had a 15yo and a 6yo at home so the situation didn’t really hit home at that point.

Two GC came along in due course, now teenage and late primary age. We’ve been fortunate in that either we’ve been to them or they’ve come to us, or sometimes both, every year until the pandemic hit. I rationalise it by thinking that when we do visit, we have two or three weeks of concentrated time with them, which is more than some people I know get with their GC even though they live relatively close by.

I think we have a pretty close relationship with our GC. We have a contrasting life style to their American GP’s and the GC enjoy that, I know.

The worst aspect of the distance has been in this last year when my DS was very seriously ill and I could do little except helplessly wring my hands. It’s a horrible, horrible feeling and of course sets you to thinking of what the future might hold.

Thanks for setting up the group maddyone. We are looking forward to visiting our DS and family in NZ in March. When he first moved over there, he only intended to stay for a year and when we visited, we dashed about everywhere, trying to fit it all into our "once in a lifetime" trip! Well, fast forward 9 years and i've lost count of how many times we've been over. The flight is long and uncomfortable (oh how I wish we could afford 1st class!) - but it's worth it to see our son, his lovely kiwi wife and our 2 grandsons. As someone else said, transiting through Singapore is the best way. We went the other way round one year, via Houston - never again! If anyone needs any hints and tips about visiting NZ, just let me know x

(oh how I wish we could afford 1st class!)

Oh, wouldn't that be wonderful!

We visited New Zealand from Australia but never thought to apply for NZ ETA.
Perhaps our Australian ETAs counted 🤔

I’m so pleased that so many of you have come on to the thread, and I hope it continues and is helpful.
Thank you for good wishes about our travel, at least others can learn from it. I think I may do a special thread once we’re in New Zealand to draw all Gransnetters attention to this situation re the eta. We’ve already filled in the form, we did that last night as soon as we realised. Annoyingly if we were just travelling EasyJet, you can check in weeks beforehand, so anything like this would flag up in time to do something about it. Singapore Airlines only allows us to check in the day before, and it wouldn’t let us do it. The reason then became clear. We’ve made phone calls and the upshot is that we have to go to Heathrow and check in, with all our documentation including both my husband’s passwords. They say we will probably/possibly be allowed to board, so we won’t know until we get there. We can rebook for the 4th apparently. Hopefully we’ll have the eta revisal by then. What a mess! Of course everything is closed in New Zealand, including the office in London, until Tuesday. As my daughter says, New Zealand is at least twenty years behind the UK in everything.

I’m pleased posters whose children are living in Europe or Scandinavia are posting, it’s not just for people with children in Australia, New Zealand etc, it’s for everyone. Some may live in the UK, but many miles apart.

SueD when I get to New Zealand (or come home) I’ll PM you about the points you raise as there are some things I don’t want to put on the open thread. I’m happy to PM anyone if you feel it would be helpful.

I’m waiting for the taxi now. If we’re refused boarding our son has offered to drive up to the airport and bring us home. Then we will have the unhappy task of telling our daughter and the children. The children were so excited this morning when we spoke to them, because we are going over. I hate to disappoint them because they’ve had a lot going on in their little lives recently.

Anyway, keep posting Gransnetters, I’ll be back in touch to let you know when we arrive, or don’t!

Oh what a lovely thread. I too have a son in Sweden & we were lucky enough to spend Christmas with him this year in Malta. Christmas is a very sad time of year for me as I have been estranged from my daughter & 3 grandchildren for over 8 years. Just to spend time with him, laughing, joking & sharing a bottle of wine really lifts me from depression. It comforts me to know that I am not the only one in this position.

🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞 for the visa situation being easily resolved once you’re at the airport, Maddyone!

Don’t worry about PMing me, just enjoy the trip. ❤️

Thanks Maddyone for setting up this thread. I’m another ‘lurker’ mainly checking into the Estrangement thread because of the situation with my ES. I have been afraid to post until now, thinking what would they think of me but this, today has given me the courage.

My youngest son, DIL and two granddaughters emigrated to Australia 10 year ago. They have a lovely lifestyle over there and have since had a third child. At the time, their going literally broke my heart. I used to walk our dogs in the evening s, all on my own with tears streaming down my face but put on a brave face once I got home. However, as everyone on here who has been in a similar situation knows, things do somehow seem to get easier as the time goes on. Over those years, DH and I visited several times. Unfortunately, due to a combination of DH’s Ill health, we can no longer do this.

Earlier this year, for reasons known only to DS and DIL ( apparently I should know why) they decided they no longer needed his father and me in his life because of ‘my behaviour’. We haven’t seen them for 5 years due to COvid. I am still at a loss to understand why my son, to whom I was always so close and would have done anything for, could do this to us but it was their choice and apart from a couple of nasty messages, we haven’t heard from them since. No messages for our birthdays or even Christmas. I think I am getting the impression, rightly or wrongly, that because of his status over there, we are somehow an embarrassment to him. I am still ‘allowed’ to talk to my two granddaughters which is wonderful and I treasure this contact.

Moving on and the point of posting on this thread, is that this week, my eldest son who has been my absolute rock and support throughout all of this nightmare is now moving 1000 miles away with his wife and my other two granddaughters. They only live 10 mins from us now and we have been so close. He doesn’t want to go but he has to because of his job. So, I am back to square one. Heartbroken all over again but this time it is so, so much worse. There are memories and reminders every where I go and this time, we are on our own. I don’t know how I am going to get through this week and have to say goodbye.

Love to everyone going through this similar pain, there really is nothing, nothing like it.

One set of our children's grandparents lived abroad - India. They visited us a few times when the children were young and we also made some trips there. Despite no Internet etc, our children did have a good relationship- particularly with grandmother. In some ways they were closer to her than the nearby gran. As they grew up, they chose to visit their grandparents in India independently of us, and our daughter brought her first child to see her great-grandmother.

Distance doesn't necessarily mean that grandchildren and grandparents won't know each other.

What a wonderful idea for a thread maddyone. I bet this will run & run as you all encourage and support one another with ideas and suggestions.

Our two grandchildren live just through the park behind us with our daughter and lovely son in law. We are such an integral part of their lives and for that I’m very grateful. Sadly when their son was born (followed by a daughter) we became the only grandparents and I vowed then to be the very best and kindest we could be as we were representing the other, missing grandparents in their lives. How they would have loved these two buttons!

I count my blessings daily for what we can join in with so smoothly. I appreciate it’s not granted to all grandparents by a long chalk - for myriad reasons.

Wishing you all who join in here the very best going forward. I can only imagine your heartache when seemingly ‘smug’ thoughtless grandparents make crass comments about ‘special holidays’.

Good luck maddyone

Let's hope your DH's ETA will come through automatically (as it's a renewal 🤞 it may do) and he can show it on his phone/device when he arrives.

I tried to do this years ago as my son moved to the States, married and lives there permanently. My granddaughter is now 10! So that's how long ago it was!
Even had a name thought up for a group. I think problem was maybe finding where this fitted in on the Forums.
Happy it's getting going now!

We’re in the airport. Check in got the amendment done for us. We caused a bit of a queue as it took a while, but all sorted now.
Will be back on this thread later.
Happy New Year to you all (I think we’ll be in the sky as new year arrives).

Incidentally we had a WhatsApp video with one very excited six year old whilst we were in the taxi. We didn’t tell them about our problem as didn’t want to cause unnecessary upset. It worked, we’re on our way.

Bon Voyage maddyone. Hope you have an amazing time!

I haven’t a child abroad but read married a long times post and was so sorry for her and her husband. I used to drive around with tears streaming down my face for ages when my d estranged me, however she wasn’t in another country. I take comfort now that she’s living the life she wants. I realised years ago that I just had me to rely on. I hope I can remain independent until I die. Please try to get pleasure from each day as no one knows what the future holds.

maddyone thanks for starting this thread and bon voyage to you.
I am sure we are all going to help each other. Nothing like sharing with those who understand.

Hurrah! 🎉 So pleased for you, Maddy! Have a safe flight.

Your visa posts triggered a vague memory of a difficulty I had with a US visa earlier this year and I’ve just remembered what it was. I inadvertently said I was an American citizen when I applied for the visa, having misread the question. I couldn’t undo the answer and was convinced I wouldn’t be allowed to fly. At Heathrow I spoke to an official and they said ‘Don’t worry about it, no one checks and no one cares anyway.’ Phew!

Oh, thank goodness, maddyoe

Bon voyage!