So sad for my son / Grandson problems

So sorry - yes, hope is the only thing that keeps everyone going.. so keep hoping and praying.

You could look at it another way. It might be the making of him. Sometimes they need a real shock.

I do not have any advice but really hope it is a phase that will pass as he grows up, I hope you can be there for him as his parents are probably too angry.

He can’t be that bad as up until now he has managed to do an apprenticeship, which in time he could well go back to.

Please take heart he may well have learned his lesson and may not be as bad as you worry It may be the wake up call he needs
If it’s poor behaviour and not a bad drug or drink addiction
(just a heavy night) fingers crossed e gets beyond it
Not a lot more I can say really just think positively until you hear something worse
There are many famous well oiled folk who were awful as teenagers or young persons take heart and keep your spirits up

Listen Cabbie, many of us have gone through the mill with young family going off the rails and imagining how they might end up. Its heartbreaking and sometimes you cannot see a way out. First step is for your son to meet with college tutors and have a good and honest conversation to see if anything can be done to save the apprenticeship.

I will hope with you, Cabbie. I hope he will be given a final chance and that he will pull his socks up and complete his degree. Let us know how things go.

Thank you all for your supportive comments.

Oh Cabbie I feel for you , it's a double whammy - you are worried about your so and your GS. I do hope your GS is able to sort his apprenticeship out. You must feel so helpless and it is hard because you love him . Our family has a similar situation so I do recognize your distress. What ever happens you must take care of yourself - easier said than done , I know that ! 💐

Hopefully it will prove to be the wake-up call he needs and with help and support, he can get his life back on track again. In the meantime, all you can do is be there for your family.

Cabbie this happened in our family a few years ago, the young man concerned did come out the other side and today you wouldn’t recognise the person he was. It took a couple of years, tough love, then a light touch from his family guided him, but he had to want it or it wouldn’t have worked.
It’s a tough time for all, I wish you all strength and patience ahead.

Sadly Grandson lost his job.

Cabbie21 I had a friend whose son was just a layabout from about 15 onwards, despite being very able academically, he did badly at A and O levels, wouldn't work, ended up with a drink driving conviction and fathered a child at 20.

At 25 he suddenly grew up. Sorted out his life, went to university and got a good degree and has a good job, He married and has two children, but, his one saving grace, was that he always kept in contact with his daughter and paid maintenance, so that now the daughter is grown up and he is a grandfather, they are close.

He is also a loving carer for his father who is in a care home with dementia. When I visited his father, he and his late wife were very dear friends, they cannot sing his son's praises too high.

So there is hope, please believe me, I have gone from being so glad this man was not my son to be proud to call him my son, if he was.

So very sorry Cabbie. It will seem like the end of the world for him now, but there will be a future for him if he learns from this sad experience. I wish him well.

Oh dear that’s not what you want to hear and obviously the incident was worse than what I was thinking

Now it really depends on his strength of character and adultness (if that’s a word) I m sure he realises the mistakes he’s made so no point in going over that too much but his dad needs to look for what can be recovered and what he can now do to reverse his behaviour So he will need to get the lad to accept his role in losing the job
I m sure he ll either be mortified and upset or angry and be blaming something/ someone else
Concentrate on the future and hopefully he can turn a negative into a positive but it ll take bloody hard work and a humble personality

If he can’t find a job can you encourage him to do some voluntary work it ll looks much better on a CV than an empty space

Sorry to hear that. As BB says, ask him to do some voluntary work - always looks good on a CV

Just don't hive up on him.. he's only 19, plenty of time to turn his life around if he learns from this incident..

I am leaning on petra's post, indeed this could be the making of him, a good positive view.

💐

So sorry to hear this Cabbie. In common with most posters, I'm going to say that 19 is still young and there's plenty of time for your grandson to wake up and smell the roses. Hopefully you can be a go between to keep the lines of communication open and honest between your son and his troubled boy. Good luck.

I hope he has had a short sharp shock and gets a second chance.

My mum was very wise and told me to never give up on your teenage children. I’ve observed how right she was many times since.

My ex hubby was in a similar position he was going off the rails fighting everything and everyone he was told he would end up in jail his gran was the only one that he listened too she convinced him to join the military 25yrs he did in the army and it completely changed him or it could have been me lol his gran said I came along at the right time. I know the reasons why my ex went that way. Why don’t you try talking to him and not at him to get to the root of the problem or someone he as a close bond with never the parents. My gran inlaw was brilliant she never judged she was a brilliant listener and she never repeated what was told.

Very sensible advice from Marilla, I'd go with her ideas.

Oh Cabbie, I’m so sorry to hear this. When I read your post I was immediately reminded of my own son at that age. I remembered him being drunk often and my embarrassment at his behaviour at family parties. I used to dread any party where he would be there and be on edge all night.
I remember him once telling me (when drunk age 18) that he hated me and would rather live in a toilet than with me for the rest of his life. It broke my heart.

Of course, once he’d sobered up he denied it and would just shrug his shoulders. Numerous other incidents involving the police on our doorstep etc… and jobs he got sacked from.

The good news it that in his late 20’s he pulled himself together, got himself through Uni and now has a great career and recently bought his first home.

As others have said, you all need to be there for him. Don’t let him cast adrift, even at his lowest points.

Is it possible that your grandson has problems with the way he is wired that causes him to be impulsive or self-medicate? I know it is really hard and I understand how devastating this might be but maybe if your grandson is struggling in the wider world, he will need the feeling that he is totally supported in his home. When we see our kids losing opportunities, it is really frustrating but our child's psychologist said that this is when we need to be the most supportive rather than angry.

It would be nice if the shock of this is the thing that makes him wake up but maybe psychological support to see him through this might be a way forward.