Really not sure where............... ...

Loving not living! So sorry

You're making this hard for yourself. Their parents set certain standards, why not go with it? You won't change anything. Why not let them do what they want (within reason) and eat what they want (within reason) If they're on the Ipad they're not fighting. It's not what you (or in fact I) might approve of, but give yourselves a break. And take a deep breath and say no when it's all too much. Good luck!

I don't think you having the opinion that they have 'rubbish parenting' is helpful or necessary. Every parent handles things differently, their way for their children. Some of us make mistakes, and learn the hard way from them, but none of us are in a position to critisize others, unless abuse is being commited obviously.

I think swamy is just worn down with all of the childcare she is doing.
It's hardly surprising!

Plus, in terms of the "olden days", children, and methods are very different.
It's better to accept it, swallow down any disappointment, and let children be as they are (within reason!)

You sound exhausted, time to tell ALL your kids that you’re done being their go to childcare now. You’ll fill in on an emergency and have normal grandparent visits but that’s it. Give them a date, say you’ll keep going until your holiday but will not be doing it upon your return. They’ve got to sort care out for while your away after all, so they need to sort it out to continue afterwards too. I’m sure they’ll all moan and try to guilt trip you but stand strong, say you’re just exhausted, it’s become too full on for you to continue, and with a new baby coming into the mix, and dil going to work more, enough is enough. They will go on and on and on. Say it once to each of them and when they persist just say I’ve already explained why we can’t continue, nothing has changed and I’m not prepared to discuss this anymore. And don’t!! They start again a simple no, not talking about this, I’ve already said. And just keep repeating it. But you and DH must be on the same page and stand together on this.

I've had up to 6 children at a time including Foster children and also worked as a registered childminder. All the children ate the same cooked evening meal as we had, unless there was a particular dislike for one thing eg fish, peas etc or an allergy. If they really didn't want it they were offered cheese or ham sandwiches and fresh fruit.
If any of the children were rude to me it was challenged immediately in a stern voice and the child was told it was not acceptable to say those things.
All children will push boundaries and the OPs children just want to be home with their parents after school.
Perhaps cut down the days you do or maybe take them out for a picnic in the park some evenings if the weather is nice

I’m not sure why so many grandparents think it’s a right of passage for their grown up kids to automatically assume that it’s their own parents responsibility to ‘half raise’ the grandkids!

Can anyone share a reasonable answer to this? The basic concept of we raised our children, so now they have their own family, so they need to raise theirs!

Honestly there are no medals for being a a worn out, tired, or stressed grandparent standing at the school gates!

I guess it is because it takes two salaries to cover costs, and also why should a mum have to give up her career to be a SAHM, so relying on Grandparents for childcare.
But nobody should feel taken for granted or put upon.

How ever did our generation manage?? Good lord above. This generation expect so much. I'm lucky that my adult children chose to stay at home and look after their own. I have 5 children and 12 grandchildren. Yes I would have them at times and babysit but I have never been expected to patent them. Why have children if you can't afford to stay home and bring them up.
Sorry I know this isn't helpful. I often see in our tow centre worn out and unhappy grandparents with pushchairs and collecting kiddies from school. Iveven witnessed one ungrateful mother shouting at her mother because the toddler had a bump on its head. I felt like giving the ingrate a bump on her head.
We should be allowed to be grandparents.

Dcba

I’m not sure why so many grandparents think it’s a right of passage for their grown up kids to automatically assume that it’s their own parents responsibility to ‘half raise’ the grandkids!

Can anyone share a reasonable answer to this? The basic concept of we raised our children, so now they have their own family, so they need to raise theirs!

Honestly there are no medals for being a a worn out, tired, or stressed grandparent standing at the school gates!

this is spot on, i know the financial constraints on the young are awful and grandparents can help, but in my case it was driven by guilt and wanting to please ,never let them down etc I see a lot of tired stressed grandparents pushing buggies around during the day and at school gates. I know, I'm one of them and the joy that grandchildren can bring is often seen through a fog of fatigue.I see the answer right under politicians noses, attach a nursery to each primary school, simples.

flowerofthewestx2

How ever did our generation manage?? Good lord above. This generation expect so much. I'm lucky that my adult children chose to stay at home and look after their own. I have 5 children and 12 grandchildren. Yes I would have them at times and babysit but I have never been expected to patent them. Why have children if you can't afford to stay home and bring them up.
Sorry I know this isn't helpful. I often see in our tow centre worn out and unhappy grandparents with pushchairs and collecting kiddies from school. Iveven witnessed one ungrateful mother shouting at her mother because the toddler had a bump on its head. I felt like giving the ingrate a bump on her head.
We should be allowed to be grandparents.

I honestly think having them twice a week, an hour and a bit before school and up to four hours after school, term time only, is parenting them!

I barely saw my husband when ours were little as we had three under five and we worked different shifts, he did 8:00-16:00 I did 16:00-midnight with a person sitting in with them for two hours each day.

Very stressful situation,among other parents in GC class there must be a nice Mum who would love extra money to look after the children,why not tactfully suggest trying that 1 day a week as you may be “ booking a holiday soon” so won’t always be available ? The children obviously just want to sit on I pad for hours—— not healthy but if parents say it’s OK what can you do——-good luck

You sound like you feel you are put upon by these two children, but not by the others. If there is money to pay you, there is money to pay for official childcare. If they won't eat a proper meal, try giving them raw fruit / vegetables because low blood sugar may be making them irritable.

You both seem like reasonable grandparents.

Since you have them for quite a long time each week, I would be saying to both the grandchildren, and to your son and dil, "our house, our rules".

Then they can either all accept, or not, as the case may be.

As a new grandmother I have no idea, but do children of this age have to take an iPad to school? If not, why can it not be left at home and non-tech games, or an appropriate tv programme, be enjoyed?

You're a new grandmother?

I look after minded children of similar ages, 6y to 10y.
Some suggestions to improve your situation:

Tell your son and daughter-in-law to enrol the boys in the breakfast club and after-school club.
You take them there at 8:15 and collect them at 4:30 on the days you have them.
That cuts down the length of time you look after them for.
They will also have food there so that removes that problem for you.

If they need to eat at your house they bring their own food each day.
That saves you shopping, preparing and serving food that ends up being refused and wasted.
If they don't like what's in their bags they can take it up with their parents at home, it's not your responsibility.
This is what I do with my minded children.

((Lastly, and not entirely seriously, as your house is so close to their school consider moving... 😂)

For what it's worth I don't allow any gadgets eg mobile phones or iPads. It's well documented that they can have an adverse effect on young brains and from what I hear they spend quite enough time on them at home. That's for you and their parents to discuss though.
Here they like to watch Horrible Histories or Pokémon on television.
We have different craft materials, recently they've been making self-portrait wooden spoon people.
They play in the garden: we have a gravel pit with spades, trucks, diggers and buckets.

Always remember it's your house, you don't need to let yourself be walked over.
Children don't respect this.
Best of luck x

Any chance you would take on a 16 year old?

MissAdventure

You're a new grandmother?

Yes, just last year. I live some distance away so am not exactly hands on or experienced and everything has changed since the 80s when I had my son! It’s a different world. I go with the flow …

Oh.. that's made me cry! (Lord knows why...)
Congratulations.

Gosh! Thank you! I wish I lived nearer but I accept that I don’t and am very grateful for what I get.

MissAdventure

Any chance you would take on a 16 year old?

I've had boys up to the age of 15!
Two teenage brothers would come in with their laptops already on Minecraft, holding the plug up ready, sit down and carry on. I'd plonk toast and hot chocolate in front of them. Not a peep for an hour.
Then we'd all go for a walk up the lane, feed the horse, feed the goats, wave at the lorries from the motorway bridge and finish at the garden centre.
They liked mooching round that. Lots of fish, small animals and reptiles, a good shop and café.
I used to give them £10 to get themselves something to eat and drink, they'd sit at a separate table and pretend they weren't with the rest of us 😂
Lovely single mum, always promised to send me a postcard when they emigrated to New Zealand 🤞

Sounds lovely.
Would you take on a 61 year old instead?

Congrats gsm, lovely news

Waves again to MissA - always good to see yiu.

hello again.