Really not sure where............... ...

We have two GC (8 and 4) here most mornings from 7am and at least two evenings a week until 6.30. They were adopted three years ago and were very fussy eaters initially, but now happily eat normal food. There have been occasions when they didn't fancy what I'd cooked but we and their Mummy have a rule that they do at least try the food and usually they'll eat it. We've worked out a relatively heathy breakfast of cereal or porridge, boiled eggs with soldiers and chocolate milk which they like. Sometimes it takes an age for them to eat everything but we just sit there until they've finished. We don't have to leave for school until 8.15 so there's not usually any rush and less pressure on us all.
In the evening I usually cook them an early supper of food that they like, prepared in advance or cooked in the air fryer: pasta with sauce and cheese, sausages or nice burgers in buns, baked chicken thighs, fish and chips, pizza etc. Every couple of weeks we all go out together to the local Italian for a meal together and they enjoy virtually everything on the menu, having tried everybody's different choices.
Perhaps part of the solution would be to agree with them a list of five simple meals they both like and are willing to eat? Fighting over mealtimes is really so counter-productive.
We don't have their ipads in our house but play simple games with them in the evening, do their reading or straightforward homework, or watch fairly inoccuous TV.
If one of them is rude to us, which happens rarely, we let their Mummy know and she give them a good talking to. They understand that what we say goes, just as what she says goes in her house.
Fortunately her rules are pretty much the same as ours, though we don't have as much screaming, running around and jumping in our house as she does.
My granddaughter did go to breakfast club and after school club in the beginning but it is a very long day and also pretty expensive. She was exhausted by Thursday night so I started picking her up after school for a couple of days at the end of the week. There are children who do this all the time, I've no idea when they actually manage to do their homework and reading.

Having read more posts I see that some afterschool clubs are only until 4.30. Ours went on to 5.45.

MissAdventure

Oh.. that's made me cry! (Lord knows why...)
Congratulations.

I too send many congrats.. we don’t live that near our one and only grandchild so see him about once a month, but now he’s older we will have him to stay in Summer hols, like we did the past two years.

My granddaughter uses headphones in my house, my house my rules. If she breaks them, no iPad as I don't want to listen to the rubbish she is watching.

Hello
I also help with grandchildren and have for the last 10 years as my eldest grandaughter is 15 and my youngest grandson is 2
I think the best way through is communication - You need to discuss times and roles. I have always shared with my daughters times and expectations . Some days I am not available as I am on my workshops etc but together we make a plan. We talk about food and diets and the children know what snacks or meals they can have here. The children and I have fights but both parents and children understand they are in a safe environment and can act these out -e.g frustrations from school. Yes they refuse foods but I treat it like a school dinner where they order the day before

MissAdventure

Sounds lovely.
Would you take on a 61 year old instead?

Any time 😊 But better when the children have gone home 😘

I really think that looking after these boys is too much for you. You're not enjoying it and neither are they. The children could go to after school at nursery. It's time to enjoy your retirement. You've raised your children now its time for days out together. I hope you have the courage to just say you've had enough.