Cake situation!

Babs I love ELR.

She's obviously one of those people who just has to go one better. You can't beat someone like that - and reacting to it is probably what she wants. As others have said, this is one of those situations where you just have to bite your lip and rise above it.

Rise above it!
But it reminds me of when D1 was on her gap year and working in JL. I only found out the night before her birthday that she was expecting to take a cake into work the next day and I just threw one together with what I had in the cupboard, resulting in an OK sponge, nothing exciting.
A month later was D2’s birthday.
This time I was prepared and bought a Colin Caterpillar from M&S.
From D 1 I got “I only got a sponge you’d made, SHE got a Colin Caterpillar” and from D2 - “I only got a shop cake while SHE got a homemade one”.
Can’t win!

A wise person said to me once when I was young and very nervous of one of the bosses at work: "When they're being pompous and superior, just look at them and listen, but imagine them having to sit on the loo like everyone else".

@Carenza123
That was some time ago when I thought there was some hope of a good relationship, but that ship sailed a couple of years ago. But am getting good at smiling whilst grinding my teeth and tbh her husband is a really nice man, so all is not as dire as it could be. Am not sure why she feels everything is contest, I could never compete with her lifestyle, is probs true that she does feel jealous because her precious son married beneath him, and because he gets along so well with us.
I any case will paint on a smile and be civil when I see her. X

Well, I don't think that we should stoke social divisions, as they are nonsense.
However, if it helps, you may smile to think that many doctors traditionally looked down on surgeons, who were regarded as 'trade'.
Maybe his wife needs to find people she thinks she can look down on - sounds like you have her measure and won't play her game - good for you!

Wow! That lady has problems and you are very gracious indeed!

In my opinion the whole episode was seen as her problem and was dealt with very skillfully.
I’m sure you’re right. She’ll do similar again or bring it up etc. It’s because she isn’t as secure as she makes out, I would guess.
Pat yourself on the back when she does. You are the more secure and appropriate person!

Just guard your privacy and don't share anything negative about yourself in future.

Making self depreciating comments with humour is something many of us do, but there are some people you just cannot do that around because they will take you literally and class you as inept, meaning she probably thought she was saving the day in buying a cake.

Im afraid that we have to save our self deprecating humor for those we have mutual love and trust for and with.

Some people, usually pompous one, have a way of cutting through comments and situations, like a knife with their behaviour and comments usually deprecating. I would just grey rock them i.e. Oh, that's nice. Really! Gosh! So they don't anything to hook on to and, if you are at a social event, keep a wide berth and speak to anyone who looks pleasant. Sadly, there is one of the pompous people in many situations we find ourselves in. You only need to look at some people in the media.

My cakes are delicious, enthusiastically finished every time. They are not beautiful - I don't attempt beautiful. She may be perhaps jealous.

Smile and ignore and competition.

As to SIL Birthday - go, smile, enjoy the meal - don't ask for cake

any competition.

YES, grey Rock!

Or make something lovely like Jamie Oliver's Two-Nuts Chocolate Torte next time you must host her - gorgeous with strawberries.

Norah

Or make something lovely like Jamie Oliver's Two-Nuts Chocolate Torte next time you must host her - gorgeous with strawberries.

I'd buy something from M&S or Waitrose!

Norah

Or make something lovely like Jamie Oliver's Two-Nuts Chocolate Torte next time you must host her - gorgeous with strawberries.

Funny! 😂

Isn't this the one that usually goes wrong???

Find it difficult to understand all this fuss about a cake for toddlers birthday. A CAKE!!!!! Talk about first world problems.

You have so much more uniting the two families than dividing you. A happy, loving partnership of your children, a healthy happy grandchild. The ability to be able to meet u[ regularly and often to share important dates.
Yet the two older 'ladies' seem to be in on-going battle as to whom is best!!!!
Think you both need to step back.

Some years ago I was going to a buffet. I'd seen an unusual pastry I wanted to try making.
We had to say what we'd be bringing so I described it to friends.
On the day, one friend turned up with an identical pastry. It took me aback and I have to say I was a bit put out!

My friend said, "Oh, it looks like it's yours against mine then, doesn't it?" 😳 🙄

Don't let this situation turn into the cake wars !
I experienced some jealousy between my mother and mother in law .
But they got on .
Nothing prepared me for the cold shoulder that I've received from my daughter's mother in law .
My father thought that it was due to my winning a quiz and some games at her house .
He saw her face
I didn't .
Apparently she is used to being number one .
Not only did she move without telling me her new address ,I'm excluded from funerals , weddings , christenings and birthday parties .
I last saw her about four years ago and if looks could kill !

Just admire the shop bought cake.
Everyone will prefer your home made one .
And let it go ... before it becomes an issue .

Oh that's awful Esmay! How dare you be more intelligent than her! It's a good thing your Father saw her face so you have a reason why you're excluded. It is ridiculous though how anyone can get so upset over not winning! What a sore loser she is!

What a hateful woman, I'm so sorry you have that.

When my kids were small, I attended college and learned how to decorate cakes professionally. It was great when I made birthday cakes for my kids parties, but then they grew up and didn't require elaborate cakes. I stopped doing it because you can never get that time back and the cake is gone, so you have nothing to show for it.

I keep quiet about my cake skills these days because it's not how I want to spend my time I just admire other's and am glad to spend my time painting or making things that last.

.... is probs true that she does feel jealous because her precious son married beneath him, and because he gets along so well with us. I any case will paint on a smile and be civil when I see her.

And let go of the massive chip on your shoulder.

That's the problem with cake wars, it's a symptom of deeper problems.

The competing over cakes is the icing on the cake. The real issue is insecurities and rivalries. The cakes are a symptom, not a cause.

Your cake had a very important ingredient that hers didn’t. Yours had love stirred in to it. Anyone can go and buy a cake off the shelf. You spent time. Don’t let her make you feel inferior. You aren’t. You are superior. Remember that when you meet and don’t rise to any bait cause you are the better person. Remember the quote “Don’t be nice to someone because they are. Be nice because you are.”

Wise advice 25Avalon

Home made does taste better. It tastes even nicer to eat it in good company.

Perhaps have family parties for each family, without the other. Seems quite normal.

I'd make a cake for your SIL and take it with you. Plonk it in the middle of the table and tell them you've brought it just in case as you and your family are not lovers of artificial tasting shop bought cakes. .

Seriously life is too short. Anyone who sets out to intimidate others has some deep rooted insecurities to deal with.

She sounds like a not very nice person and you sound like a very nice one.

I know which one of you I'd choose to be my friend (as long as you bring cake ).