Grandson over reaction

NannieN I think you are responding to this thread with a maturity that neither your husband nor his father have shown. You have seen a lot of criticism but have acknowledged your part in the incident and taken it on the chin. Your grandson is lucky to have you.

My grandfather used to 'tease' us, and my mother never stopped him. Hey kept going until we cried or retaliated in some way, and then we got into trouble for doing so. Your posts have brought it back, and it was horrible. I remember feeling powerless and trapped in a 'no win' situation. We either had to put up with it or know we'd be in trouble. As an adult, I can see that my mother may have been unable to stand up to him - maybe he had done it to her, too - but as a parent I know that I couldn't have watched it happen to my own children.

Grandad. needs to stop this behaviour at once. It is bullying pure and simple and could lead to a lifelong fear of swimming.

I saw a clip someone shared recently on Facebook where a mum was tickling her little boy (not sure how old, maybe 4/5ish?) despite him telling her to stop. People were saying she shouldn't do that and if he told her to stop, she should, but she seemed to find it hilarious and even admitted she liked to tickle him to the point where he would pee himself!

Sorry, I thought you were a paid nanny, I should have noticed 'my DGS'.
You have educational qualifications; you know this behaviour is wrong. Stop it immediately. You need to protect your grandson.

RosieandherMaw

Lots of concerns here but principally about a grown man ignoring the feelings and welfare of his grandson.
It’s not almost like bullying -it IS bullying .
And it’s not the grandson who needs to “lose his privileges “ - although this too sounds draconian and straight out of some Victorian handbook of parenting.
Wrong on so many levels.

I absolutely agree with this comment. Disgraceful behaviour by the grandfather. Couldn’t you have stopped it?
I doubt the little boy will want to go to the pool with his granddad again!

I meant, of course, couldn’t the ‘ grandmother’ have stopped it!

I was dunked in water by my father.He was a lovely man and just thought it was funny.I have been terrified of water ever since.Barbarax

eazybee

Sorry, I thought you were a paid nanny, I should have noticed 'my DGS'.
You have educational qualifications; you know this behaviour is wrong. Stop it immediately. You need to protect your grandson.

Why does having "educational qualifications" enable you to know that behaviour is wrong.

Some of us on GN, me included, have no educational qualifications but most of have, at the very least, a vague inkling of what is right and what is wrong.

Squiffy

If the parents punished your GC, effectively siding with his Grandfather, then I worry about any potential future incidents where an outsider may do something inappropriate and your GS would be too scared to tell his parents.

OMG! I never thought of that! That’s awful and I hope the parents, if they even see this, take note of your wise comment.

NannieN is getting a hard time on this thread, although she has accepted that she should have spoken up and that her husband is in the wrong.

Repeating that is not going to help matters, and can only make her feel worse. Many, if not most, posters would either get defensive or disappear if this happened to them, by NN has taken responsibility and stayed. Cut her some slack, people?

I think you have accepted and answered well NannieN
And I m pretty sure you will be more aware and something like this won’t happen again
What you do with the bully only you can decide if he’s worth keeping or not
Good luck with that one

My father was like this. Numerous occasions with stupid jokes ... all for fun of course.

I was never close to him in adult life. It can be harmful to a young child. Many of them will never forget.

NannieN

Sorry, missed saying, I didn't take his privileges away. I'm his Nannie. His parents took privileges away. He was screaming for me n had to step away to let parents do there job.
I have said that splashing was out of order but have been told it was only splashing and DGS needs to learn to control his emotions. I don't agree.

I agree with you. Grandad showed no respect for 5 year old wishes especially when child is scared. And "regulating" ...hmm as adults do we put up with someone ignoring our wishes?

NannieN , an awful experience for your 5 year old grandson. Made much worse by blaming the child not the bully.
This week of all weeks, when families are watching Adolescence together and thinking about influences on our boys
Never mind your grandson - what about you

Splashing the face of a child uncertain about water is not just bullying, it is unbeleivably stupid. What could put a nervous child of going in the water, than having water thrown at his face.

Mind you his parents are no better. The child needed, love cuddles and reassurance, not punishments. Then they should have taken the grandparent aside and told him, quite politely, to never eer do what he did again and for a couple of months, not come to the pool if the child was there.

BlueBelle

Crikey that grandfather is well out of order blooming bully and the mother and father should be supporting their child
Poor little thing
A 5 year old can’t articulate that the grandfather is a bully so he does what a 5 year old can do in protest and that is have a melt down and the stupid parents instead of kindly supporting him punished him A great way to confuse a little child
Is the grandfather your husband ? I hope you gave him a good dressing down, stupid man

What Bluebelle says.
And other posters too.

I hope, if the grandfather is your DH, that he is well and truly in the doghouse.

SpanielCuddler

There’s lots of focus on the splashing here. I’d say consider the wider implications.
Your GS has said stop/no to an adult who has done something he disliked and wanted to stop.
This should be recognised and encouraged. A child should be able to tell someone if he doesn’t like what is happening.
This experience will have taught him that adults have the power, he can’t say stop and if he then reacts in frustration he will be punished.
Really not a good lesson nor one that will protect him in future from others.

Good post, SpanielCuddler

Yes, this does have wider implications, that saying No to an adult doing something you don't like to you can result in you being punished.

Goodness me what was your husband thinking of?? His parents then punish their child for reacting to being splashed ! Grandpa doing it once was unacceptable - but twice !! Poor child,
he is only 5 years old. Time your DH acknowledged his bullying a d stopped using his power over a child.

I am puzzled that your thread title implies that your GS over-reacted! He was just being a 5 year old subjected to bullying.

Could the parents’ harsh response to their child be based in a fear of upsetting Grandad? In which case, Nannie might like to take a long cool look at how Grandad is perceived by his offspring…

Yes, it was rather juvenile behaviour on the part of a grandfather. Also 5 is too young to enjoy being the victim of a joke no matter how well-meaning it was intended to be,

Sounds like the whole family is frightened of Grandad

My goodness this is sad to me. I think the parents need to read about children’s emotions at the age this little boy is at now. And grandpa needs to have a talking to kindly and encouraged to apologize to his grandson and say the things the little boy needs to hear such as grandpa should not have done this grandpa should not have splashed water in your face and I’m so sorry”. Grandson needs to find some comfort in being heard listened to etc.

I think you as grandmother were spot on in noticing how wrong this all was-maybe send these parents a parenting book dealing with this sort of emotional growth in five year old. I’m just so very sorry that this happened to the little boy.

It's grandad who needs to lose his privileges and certainly should not be allowed to go swimming with that poor child again. Has he no common sense, the child is nervous and what has he done, just made him even more so.
Certainly don't think much of the parents reaction either, the child was frightened and a person he should have been able to rely on to look out for him was just making things worse by bullying him. No wonder the child had a meltdown and the parents have made it all worse by dragging him out of the pool. I wouldn't be surprised if the child never wants to go back again all because of a bully of a grandfather.

To an adult and, on the face of it, it might appear to have been an over-reaction.

But this is a young child who was obviously already very anxious about entering the water. His grandpa's actions made him more anxious, and his grandpa should have realised that and should not have repeated it. It shows, at the least, a lack of sensitivity, but is tantamount to bullying in my opinion.

To take away the little boy's privileges seems unfair to me - and will increase his reluctance to go swimming.

To be honest, I am not that comfortable in water and I would not like someone splashing me in the face. I would ask them to stop and would not be happy if they continued. And this little chap is only 5 years old.