Grandson over reaction

Indigo8

eazybee

Sorry, I thought you were a paid nanny, I should have noticed 'my DGS'.
You have educational qualifications; you know this behaviour is wrong. Stop it immediately. You need to protect your grandson.

Why does having "educational qualifications" enable you to know that behaviour is wrong.

Some of us on GN, me included, have no educational qualifications but most of have, at the very least, a vague inkling of what is right and what is wrong.

Indigo, eazybee was referring to the fact that OP has a BA in Education, so has academic knowledge of matters concerning childhood, presumably in addition to the instinctive and experiential understanding that comes with being a parent.

The incident has left NannyN feeling disturbed enough to come here and expose herself to a lot of criticism, which takes courage, so I think she’ll look for a way to help her grandson get over this horrible incident.

This is very concerning behaviour from this Grandfather. He sounds very controlling - wonder if he demonstrated that at other times? He clearly ignores others’ feelings, and to do so with a young child is abuse in my book. Perhaps he is jealous/doesn’t like the focus all being on the child, and wants to provoke what he thinks will be bad behaviour….thus trying to get him in trouble. Children this age remember everything - his Grandson will not forget his Grandfather doing this.

I actually think the parents were wrong in this case and so was grandad. Even as an adult, who is not a strong/confident swimmer, if someone had purposely splashed my face I would be mad and probably got out and left. The child protested the first time the second time was unacceptable, no wonder he had a meltdown. I don't usually have patience with children who overreact and have screaming fits, but in this situation I'm on the side of the 5 Yr old who probably didn't know how else to respond to a trusted grown up doing something he had already shown he was not comfortable with.

'Losing control and not being able to regulate himself'. Just read your sentence over a couple of times and remind yourself that this is relating to a 5 year old boy!!!
It's pathetic wind-up Grandad who isn't able to regulate himself after already being asked to stop the splashing but continued to do so.
I'm not for mollycoddling children but I feel dreadfully sorry for your poor grandson being punished for the actions of a grown-up who needs to grow up.

Wow what a bully to a 5 year. old.and the parents in the wrong too to back the bully up.

Spot on Silverbrooks fully concur. Granddad was bullying because he was already aware that the child didn’t like it. Moreover it was interfering with the child’s attempts at building up confidence/courage to leave the side and get into the pool in his own time. Bet Grandad wouldn’t have liked being repeatedly splashed in the face as an oldie let alone as a 5yr old. The parents have been reading all the wrong books too it takes time to develop the art of controlling one’s emotions and 5 yrs isn’t it. Time, patience and the understanding is what is required from those around them. Adults who should explain what is happening to a little boys feelings in these situations. Or could it be that the parents have yet to learn self control themselves? After all they were quick to remove their son and ‘punish’ him (Nannies words) Of course there may be more to the story in which case I may be being a little harsh. I just hope the little boy has by now overcome his fear and the adults around him have a greater insight.

I d * love* to push grandad in the water

Grandad needs to grow up a little boy is punished because he was bullied by a grown man who has issues on how to show love and support to his own grandson

This post has given me the rage. I'm a perfectly competent swimmer but if you deliberately splash my face then you will get a very strong reaction from me. I loathe it and if you do it again I may well not control my emotions either. My DH knows full well not to continue with such behaviour. I'm normally very very mild mannered and very slow to react but god help you if you don't listen the first time.
Your poor poor DGS. He's only 5. I cannot bear bullying of this nature dressed up as 'it's only fun'.

Why do some men think teasing and bullying builds character?

Because it's an excuse to be abusive.

Does this grandfather have money power that his grandson's parents are afraid to challenge him? I am struggling to find a reason for the acceptance of his misbehaviour otherwise. Similarly I am puzzled by his wife putting up with his disgraceful behaviour.

I don't agree either, 5 is far to young to regulate emotions, that comes with time.

Ex swimming teacher (many, many years ago) and even in my day - yes, even in my day, splashing water in the face of a child who is on the side gathering their courage to jump in is appalling.

It is bullying plane and simple and the adults who saw the grandfather splashing and didn't put a stop to his abuse are at fault.

That abuse has no doubt set the poor boy back a very long way with his water confidence and this has taught him that adults can bully him. Also when he object in words he is ignored and suffers the same attack again - yep it's an attack.

Then when he, being only 5, resorts to his other option, a melt down he is punished.

This is wrong on so many levels, the adults failed this boy.

I'm all for teaching children to have some control of their emotions but the lad tried to use words to object to the attack he was being subjected to and he was ignored. No wonder he had a melt down.

How anyone can think that attacking and traumatising a 5 year old will help them build water confidence is beyond me. And how a 5 year old is supposed to gain some emotional control when the adults around him are clearly lacking in Emotional Intelligence and Compassion I do not know.

If the grandfather had been my OH (he wouldn't have acted that way) but if he had he'd have found hime self served with divorce papers ASAP after a right dressing down.

Appalling behaviour, truly appalling. Poor 5year old.

So, a five year old child asked a full grown to stop doing something because he didn't like it and made him uncomfortable.
The adult did it again and because the child got expressed his dislike and got emotional he is now being punished.
The only thing that child is learning is that saying no doesn't do any good, and making his displeasure known further only gets him punished.
Make it make sense.
The Grandfather should be apologising to the child for continuing something that the child asked hi to stop doing and explaining to the parents that it was he that was in the wrong, not the child.
Way to go to ensure that Grandfather is not to be trusted.

A mere little boy with fears of the pool: Is bullied, no ands, ifs or buts, absolutely horrendous ..

This was awful.

Shocking. A child needs to be able to trust that when they say ‘no ‘ they mean no and one of the people they trust most - their grandad - will respect that. It doesn’t matter whether it was ‘harmless’ - that is not an excuse to carry on doing something when someone has asked that it stops. How will this child know to stop themselves ? I hate being splashed in the face despite being a swimmer and I ask my grandson not to - he respects that. He is also 5. My daughter hated water in her face but as soon as she started lessons she bravely put her face in the water. Leave it to the teacher for goodness sake. Forcing the issue will do more harm and your grandson might well feel he is frightened to go the the baths with you again. As for the meltdown - poor kid - he’s still learning about control and it didn’t seem like his grandad had much . Swimming is meant to be fun ! Parenting is up to his parents but I would be having strong words with your husband .

splashing water on a face NEVER EVER reduces the fear. I'm 67 and I've spent thousands of pounds on swimming lessons but the overall fear means I will never swim. I was pushing into a pool once and that must be over 55 years ago and I still remember the fear. To do this to a child is downright wicked. you don't keep sticking pins into a person before giving them an injection. So why splash the child's face with water? then to make matters worse you take away his privileges when he has done nothing wrong. Again downright wicked

Sounds like the swimming lesson has been a horrible experience for the child, ( which will stay with him for a long time) and the Grandad is beyond a bully. Both the parents, and the Grandad need some of THEIR privileges' withdrawn - dreadful parenting skills - were they learnt from the Grandad by any chance? I feel very, very sad for this little boy.

I am shocked that his parents took his privileges away from him he was clearly distressed. Going to a swimming pool feels and sounds different even the smell is different and the size must seem colossal to a 5 year old. It is not okay to be splashed in the face by grandad it is not funny, he asked him to stop and his wishes should have been listened. Poor little might was probably trying to pluck up courage and he will now see this as a bad experience and may never want to go in a pool again. I think grandad and parents should apologise to him.

BlueBelle

I d * love* to push grandad in the water

😂
Me too! In the deep end.What a thoughtless plonker.

Grandfather should apologize to grandson.

If the roles were switched and grandfather wasn’t wanting to go into the water for whatever reason and grandson splashed him a couple of times with cold water on his warm skin, how would he feel.

This child knows how to say no, which is a good thing in this day and age. He was mocked and ignored and patronised and intimidated and victimised and bullied by an adult who is supposed to know better - an adult who is supposed to protect him from the bullying he himself perpetrated. It is the grandpa who is supposed to lose his privileges. More of this, and the child will learn to keep quiet if he is abused, so that he does not lose his privileges.

Was the ‘Grandpa’ in the water? Instead of splashing this poor boy in the face he should have gently got the lad to come into the water with him? Carried him if necessary to get him used to playing in the water. Why was he expected to jump in? Can he swim? I agree with all comments that this was sheer bullying, and am not surprised the poor child lost it. Then the parents compounded the injury by punishing him! Children are all different, what works with one may not work with another. Each must be ‘taught’ at whatever level they are at. This child may well have plucked up courage to jump,of his own accord if left alone.
I would print out and give all these comments to your husband without saying anything… is he a bully at home?

I wonder what the grandfather and parent would say/do if the little grandson came home from school terrified because some bigger boy had bullied him in the playground? Would that pass as 'toughening him up? Children at school are taught to say no to anybody (especially an adult) who does things to them which they do not want them to do and that means anybody, strangers or family.

The grandfather was at fault for perpetuating the splashing, and the parents were negligent and punitive for not intervening to protect the child and actually taking away his privileges - whatever they may be! So the child now learns that if a grown up does something to him that he really doesn't like he has to bear it for fear of retribution. Of course, this is me the therapist talking but it's not rocket science - there are many ways to get a child into a swimming pool and scaring them isn't one.