How do I get my concerns across with a stubborn DIL

First of all it truly isn’t your business. It’s their baby after all it’s it ?

Second floor beds as they are called are actually quite common in the Montessori style of parenting. You can even search it online. Not something I ever did but too each their own
You entirely not in your own place to say anything about it - and nothing will come of it if you do beside your so and dil being put out with you.

Ok, I get it. I’ve read everyone’s responses and although I’ve found some a bit on the rude side, I’ve definitely taken it on board that my fears are unfounded and will start to relax.

My son hasn’t replied for two reasons: he was sleeping at the time as he’s on nights, and then once the replies were coming in and made me realise I am being melodramatic, I deleted the texts, so he’ll be none the wiser when waking up.

I’m not the MiL from hell and nor am I an overbearing, domineering mother to my adult son.. I’m actually very careful with what I say because when my two were babies, I did have an overbearing MiL and I remember how miserable that felt. I came here for advice to prevent me saying something that could potentially lead to a frosty relationship and so on a positive note, I’ve welcomed everyone’s comments, recommendations and knocks on the chin.

✌🏻✌🏻✌🏻

JayCee68

I think you may have diverted a big problem.


As a grandparent it's often hard to bite our tongue - but definitely we do need to do it!

I hope others read your (later) comments. 🤞

Do not agree with the bottle as I think that's dangerous. However, sure they have his best interests at heart and being their third, experience. I wouldn't say anything as it wouldn't be appreciated much the reverse. However, you all seem to have a very different relationship to mine that works.

I’m glad you deleted the message but this link may put your mind at rest:

montessorifortoday.com/montessori-floor-beds/

How your children bring up their children is nobody's business but theirs, unless the child is in clear and present danger - in which case you contact the relevant authority.

I had a baby that was crawling at 7 months, walking at 10 and from 8 or 9 months could climb out of anything you put her in, short of a cage. She is now 52, having sucessfully survived every danger you can imagine and many otherss.

Your concerns are on the level of the person who will not leave the house in case they are run over by a car. From birth, we are surrounded by a host of possible and probable dangers and all but a tiny few survive them all.

As for saying his family here in the UK think it’s utterly insane Do they? or is it just that you tell them that it is insane and they just make vague noises to deflect your obsession with this subject - and you just take that for agreement.

I really do think you are making a storm in a teacup. Your grandson is in more danger from trying to climb out of a cot and sustaining an injury in a fall than any danger you can imagine.

Anyway all this is none of your business.

Well done JayCee for coming back and accepting that this time you probably got it a bit wrong many posters with problems don’t and either fight their corner maintaining everyone’s being horrible to them or they disappear in a puff of smoke You had the bxxxs to come back and say ‘thanks I think I over cooked this one’ and that’s a great way of doing it You deleted the text so no one will ever know
It’s hard not to want to take over when you see something you think isn’t right but unless it’s a real dangerous situation we just have to sit back with our fingers crossed
Your little one will be fine and no high cot sides to climb over and fall off

My one question is as I m not very clued up on latest things What’s in a cot maters that’s not in an ordinary kids mattress and why ?

BlueBelle

My one question is as I m not very clued up on latest things What’s in a cot maters that’s not in an ordinary kids mattress and why ?

I cannot answer that directly, but you can get adult mattresses made only of wool and other 'ntural' products, while it may not be possible to get cot mattrsses made of natura materials.

I think my main worry would be that there appears to be great attention on the much longer for boy!! I hope the ensure their daughters do not feel second best!?

Longed!

Hats off to you JayCee68 for listening to different points of view!

But the new single bed also has a mattress, right? Why is that new mattress less of a threat to baby than a smaller one in a cot?

Her blanket/bottle habit is far more of a threat to baby, choking/ smothering etc.

BlueBelle
Concerns about Volatile Organic Compounds (VOCs) .
These chemicals have a high vapor pressure at room temperature, meaning they can easily evaporate into the air. They are emitted from various materials, including many synthetic materials used in mattresses.

Many traditional infant and children's synthetic cot mattresses include things such as polyurethane foam and are coated in flame retardants containing PBDEs, organophosphate esters, and TCEP - all linked to serious health problems.

These include:
* Neurological impairments (e.g., learning disorders, reduced IQ, behavioral problems)
* Hormone disruption (endocrine disruptors)
* Reproductive issues
* Cancer
* Childhood asthma
(Some are even banned in other children's products (like toys) but may still be found in mattresses).

Phthalates
These are plasticizers and are often used to make materials like PVC (polyvinyl chloride) flexible and waterproof. They are endocrine disruptors and have been linked to:
* Genital defects in baby boys
* Lower testosterone and sperm counts
* Early puberty
* Reproductive challenges
* Increased risk of obesity and asthma
* Some phthalates are also banned in children's toys but not in mattresses.

Formaldehyde is a known human carcinogen, it can cause:
* Eye, nose, and throat irritation
* Coughing and wheezing
* Asthma flare-ups and respiratory inflammation
* Long-term or repeated exposure has been linked to respiratory tract cancers and leukemia.

PFAS (Per- and polyfluoroalkyl substances) are often used for waterproofing, these are "forever chemicals" that don't degrade in nature and have been linked to kidney cancer, lowered birth weights, and immune system effects.

Toxic adhesives can be used to bind mattress materials together.

Antimicrobials - whilst these are designed to kill or inhibit bacteria, viruses, or molds, they are generally not needed in mattresses.

Babies' bodies are still developing, making them more susceptible to the harmful effects of chemical exposure than adults. They also have a higher breathing rate taking in more air per pound of body weight than adults.
And of course they sleep a lot, often with their faces close to the mattress surface, leading to prolonged exposure.
Babies also have more permeable skin and a larger skin surface area relative to their body weight, increasing absorption of chemicals through skin.

I expect these are the things the mum is concerned about.

butterandjam

But the new single bed also has a mattress, right? Why is that new mattress less of a threat to baby than a smaller one in a cot?

Her blanket/bottle habit is far more of a threat to baby, choking/ smothering etc.

I'm guessing it's wool or organic cotton?
We had a bed like this for our daughter in America many moons ago.
It was organic cotton and wool.

Thanks to (now) ex-DIL I nearly had to become a nun in a silent order.

We also bought organic untreated fabrics for me to make her nightware as infant nighties and pyjamas were coated with an anti-inflamatory chemical. No idea if they still are!

butterandjam

Thanks to (now) ex-DIL I nearly had to become a nun in a silent order.

Love this!! You had a narrow escape!!!

JayCee And don’t even get me started on her giving my grandson a bottle of formula during the night by way of a rolled up blanket across his chest to support the bottle as she then goes back to sleep!!!

It sounds like she was tired.

Also, sometimes you should switch out the words "my grandson" with "her son" because she's the owner.

Macadia

JayCee And don’t even get me started on her giving my grandson a bottle of formula during the night by way of a rolled up blanket across his chest to support the bottle as she then goes back to sleep!!!

It sounds like she was tired.

Also, sometimes you should switch out the words "my grandson" with "her son" because she's the owner.

Could your son perhaps take a turn at giving a night feed, JayCee?
I don't think a six month old does need a bottle in the night but that's up to them and I'd never pass comment.

My (breast fed) babies would nurse in the night for much longer than 6 months!

I was of the impression that bottle fed babies cease needing a bottle overnight according to how much solid food they are given - and as the start of weaning is recommended at six months now I suppose some will also be wanting a top-up (especially if it's a long night).

When I was little it was not unusual to see a bottle propped up with a rolled up blanket. I think it’s you that has a problem with your DiL as some do on this site. Their children, their decision- and let’s not forget your son has agreed to this. Why is he passive and ‘anything for a quiet life’? Do you think that this could be because of his upbringing?

I was born during the war and slept for the first year in a drawer with a pillow. Babies are very resilient.

^ Am I being overly dramatic?^ Yes.

Not your baby. Not yours to worry over.

We can worry but keep our worries to ourselves. Their ways may be different from your ways.
🤐

Unless a child is being abused, of course.