Grandparenting and childcare

65 still working in childcare knackered!

I was still working long hours for DGS no 1, so just the odd emergency. For no 2 I said I would do just one day of their choice. He is now 12 and my role is Taxi and chef - he is no trouble. I do not think I would manage a full toddler day now I am older.

His other gran had him for Sunday night sleepover because she was not an early riser and did 2 days. She has never worked, and is much younger than me, but she did struggle. But she is not the most reliable either, so I have picked up some of the slack, but poor DIL has been left hunting around for help on occasions when they have found a last minute break or event. If you do it, you have to commit to what you agreed.

You can get NI credits for doing so.

Norah

I wonder why parents (AC) don't cut coats according to cloth?

So people with low income careers should not have children?

Lala494 My deepest sympathy, caring for a child in palliative care, knowing what the outcome will be, is every parent's nightmare, and you are living it

You know you can do nothing for other family while in the situation you are in Is worrying about something you can do nothing about a distraction from all the things you worry about with every reason - like looking after your disabled son?

When the inevitable happens, make sure you allow yourself recovery time, probably a year, before you start taking on other family responsibilities. I am sure your wider family will not want you to be rushing to help them after your loss.

You will need time to recover physically, mentally. You will need to sleep for months, your mind will be like treacle.

In different circumstances my parents lost a daughter and I a sister, and I can remember how we all struggled - and we did not have the months and years of caring preceding the death, as you will have.

Lala they are managing OK without you.
Please do look after yourself.
What emotional turmoil you must be in already.

I'm 'only' 60, and feel terrible that I'm not more help to my dd, dil, and niece with their small children. It's partly because swinging large toddlers around or racing after them is so tiring, but also because youngest son (20) has needed 24 hour care for the last 15 years and is now under palliative care and I spend 46 to 96 hours a week caring for him. Understanding it somehow doesn't make me feel less guilty. And when I lose him I honestly don't know how much I will be able to step up for them.

When I worked in early years I often met grandparents who were providing childcare. Some of them were definitely not up to coping with young children, and certainly didn’t seem to be doing much with them, other than trying to keep them safe.
Mind you, what I noticed in a lot of cases was these grandparents were often telling us how well their child was doing, with regards to houses, cars, holidays etc.

Chocolatelovinggran

Sarnia, you have earned that G&T tonight.

Sarnia, you have earned that G&T tonight.

Today I have my 2 youngest GD's, 12 & 10. It is pouring down so we have watched a Harry Potter film, played 2 board games and have tried, without success, to learn the basics of crochet. Just to add to this, another daughter has left her 2 boisterous cocker spaniels here as well who come in from the garden sopping wet and don't much like being dried. All accompanied by the plasterer working in a bedroom with his radio at full blast. All part of life's rich tapestry. I'm 77 and won't be too upset when parents and dog owners arrive around tea time.

My husband's cousin had her family in her 30s and then (much later) twins at 53!
No idea how old her parents were by then!

Some people are obviously still fertile into early 50s.
I was.

Yes.My thoughts too Chardy - and only 50 when her grandchild was born.

The article is about grandparents and childcare, but most grandparents involved in childcare are retired (meaning over 66). So they start with someone who is retired and 59! Why?

I was only 48 and working full-time when my first grandchild was born and 56 when the last was born (and still working full-time) I wasn't really able to do regular childcare but did babysit when needed. I enjoyed having them when I was on holiday from work, when we could go out on day trips. As they got a little older we went on holiday, usually in caravans, although we have also been camping. I've usually taken 4 away at any one time. They loved having planning meetings where we'd decide what we were going to to do, what we were going to eat. We've made some fantastic memories. I now have a great granddaughter, only 4 months old but can't imagine having the same energy to run around after her when she finds her feet.

I will be 70 in October. I have my 3.5 autistic non verbal grandchild 2.5 days and her other grandparents have her same but she's at nursery am so really only pm and her dad picks her up usually about 3/4pm. Love having her but not easy on my own...my grandson is going to HS this year and pretty self sufficient.

The first person in the article was presumably only 50 when her grandchild came along.

As someone said upthread, age and health are the big factors in how hard/easy it is.

My grandchildren don't live very near ,are all at school now. I can't do regular childcare because of the distance,and still working at 76, but I am often called upon for emergencies, they regularly stay over. The eldest who is 12 loves coming for a girlie shopping day in London with me. My sons family live a 2 hour train ride away but I go over when I can. Their little girl gets too travel sick for them to come to me.
I often feel I don't do enough but have a great relationship with all of them , better I think than the children had with their grandparents, or I had with mine.

Tell that to the teachers. My daughter is still recovering from this year's teaching. It is not an easy job and carries on in the evening when preparation, marking and paperwork continues until about 10.00. The holidays are recovery time and catching up with housework.

When are governments going to realise that most parents work? School terms need to be changed to accommodate working parents. The long summer holidays are a throwback from when children spent the summer working on farms. The school structure is 100 years behind the times.

I don't remember mine at all.
They had all died by the time I was a small child, two of them before I was born.

As part of my job I gather background information from adults, looking at their early life experiences and what has made each of them the person they are. In so many cases the love they received from their grandparents shines through everything and is seen by them as a major factor in their development. Very often people tell me how their grandparents were a continuing thread that protected them against other, less positive childhood experiences such as parents’ divorce, house moves, problems at school, bullying etc.

I have found this really heartwarming, they rarely complain that their grandparents were too busy, too tired, or too old to be fun. What they valued was that they gave unlimited time, patience, care and above all unconditional love. When people talk about these memories, their faces light up, even though their grandparents may have been dead for many years. I hope (and try) to be that constant loving presence in my own grandchildren’s lives even though they often leave me fit to drop!

I read the article too. I was 62 when my first grandchild was born and could manage a great deal, including sitting on the floor!
I was 69 when my second grandchild was born (during covid) and by now I was suffering from OA and have had both hips replaced 2021 and 2024. I cannot care for the younger as I did for the older grandchild even though now my DH is retired.
I have always worried more about my grandchildren than I did about my children!

I’m also constantly much more worried about grandchildren than my own children. Looking back I’m not sure how my dc survived! The phrase about just wanting to be a grandmother resonated with me. When gc is SEN and can’t really be left, and one parent is no longer on the scene, I really feel I have to help, especially when alternative childcare greatly increases my gc anxiety. Tbh I also feel that I can’t/don’t play as much as when they were little now, it’s more minding, and a much younger, energetic adult would be a better occasional option. I’ve tried local activity clubs and groups too which haven’t worked out. I love gc dearly and can guarantee a laugh every day, but I’m not sure childcare by elderly gps is always the best only option.

My dd had twins very prem so her hard earned maternity leave was largely used up by the time they came home from hospital. I looked after them 4 days a week and then their brother when he was born 3 years later. I still have time before and after school. It is now 12 years later and I'm still at it! I also have my other 4 for a couple of weeks of the summer holidays and some half terms. It's all exhausting but I don't begrudge a moment of it.

I was never fortunate enough to know any of my grandparents but find looking after my own grandchildren brings me enormous pleasure & joy, even though it can be exhausting.