Grandparenting and childcare

Read this over lunch. I found that, unlike one of the women quoted, I was more anxious, not less,when I looked after my grandchildren because they not mine.
I was early fifties when my first grandchildren was born, fit and well and energetic enough to do regular childcare. I am not sure I would be able to do the same now, nearly 20 years later.
Now that more women are having children in their thirties and even forties, if their own children wait until a similar age, will grandparents be fit enough I wonder, I think another childcare solution will have to be found if this long hours working culture continues.

We lived too far from our children to do childcare, but my DiL's mother, who lives close to her daughter was 71 when our first grandchild was born and DS and DiL very much took her age into consideration when organising day care for DGD.

DiL's mother had her one day a week only and when DGS appeared a balance was drawn between outsourced childcare and DiL working fewer hours with her mother just providing occasional care and babysitting.

Yes, I have posted before about the ageing process and how it might impact on our ability to offer help.
I am seventy three and much more tired after a day with my youngest toddler grandchild than I was looking after my eldest one at the same age a decade ago.
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weaker these days !

Because my daughter had a six year gap between her two, and then my son's baby was born a year after that, I had quite a long stretch looking after them. I have just done my last ever run to primary school after 14 years! Once they hit secondary school I've been much less involved. Just emergency lifts and occasional school concerts.

I was 60 when the first one was born and I had him 5days a week from the time he was 6 months. I'm 79 now and probably wouldn't want to take on such a young child now.

I wonder why parents (AC) don't cut coats according to cloth?

Norah

I wonder why parents (AC) don't cut coats according to cloth?

As in don't have children if you can't afford them? People's circumstances do change - often unexpectedly.

ViceVersa

Norah

I wonder why parents (AC) don't cut coats according to cloth?

As in don't have children if you can't afford them? People's circumstances do change - often unexpectedly.

Yes, circumstances can change, it seems some may not plan well.

That was my point, plan before pregnancy (apart from the unknown).

Norah

ViceVersa

Norah

I wonder why parents (AC) don't cut coats according to cloth?

As in don't have children if you can't afford them? People's circumstances do change - often unexpectedly.

Yes, circumstances can change, it seems some may not plan well.

That was my point, plan before pregnancy (apart from the unknown).

Nobody knows what the future will bring - even a week ahead let alone over the 15 years of childhood.

A child may be conceived to a couple comfortable and secure and by the time it is born the situation has changed, illness, accident, unexpected unemployment, natural catastophe, war and all the rest.

I am an older grandmother and only looked after the grandchildren a couple of days a week. It was strenuous but I really enjoyed it.

Yes, like Ilovecheese, I was more anxious than when I looked after my own children.

M0nica

Norah

ViceVersa

Norah

I wonder why parents (AC) don't cut coats according to cloth?

As in don't have children if you can't afford them? People's circumstances do change - often unexpectedly.

Yes, circumstances can change, it seems some may not plan well.

That was my point, plan before pregnancy (apart from the unknown).

Nobody knows what the future will bring - even a week ahead let alone over the 15 years of childhood.

A child may be conceived to a couple comfortable and secure and by the time it is born the situation has changed, illness, accident, unexpected unemployment, natural catastophe, war and all the rest.

Indeed. And not what I intended to post.

The thread was about grandparents being used as childcare, perhaps couples not beset with illness, accident, unemployment, catastrophe, war made childcare plans before pregnancy wouldn't burden grandparents?

I loved my younger grandmother days of taking to nursery, collecting from school, picnics & days out. My eldest is 28 going down to a 13 yr old for whom I still babysit & chauffeur. I was always determined to help my sons and daughter out by babysitting etc as I never had that, living too far away. I relocated 170 miles 8 years ago so I could help the one son I'd never been able to help, and that has worked out well. I really appreciate the relationship with all my grandchildren, that develops as they grow. I'm really lucky to have been able to be involved in their lives.

GC live too far away. I did though have 1 GC for a week when parents went on holiday from where I live. Itgerwise I've travelled to them. My parents were in their 40s when I was born and there was no way I'd have asked them to do regular childminding when I had children, they were well into their 70s. Didn't live nearby anyway. I have often wondered about people again seeming to have children later on and the level of expectation placed on GPs to childmind. Of course, later life may well mean will be at higher earnings level so can afford childcare.

I was never fortunate enough to know any of my grandparents but find looking after my own grandchildren brings me enormous pleasure & joy, even though it can be exhausting.

My dd had twins very prem so her hard earned maternity leave was largely used up by the time they came home from hospital. I looked after them 4 days a week and then their brother when he was born 3 years later. I still have time before and after school. It is now 12 years later and I'm still at it! I also have my other 4 for a couple of weeks of the summer holidays and some half terms. It's all exhausting but I don't begrudge a moment of it.

I’m also constantly much more worried about grandchildren than my own children. Looking back I’m not sure how my dc survived! The phrase about just wanting to be a grandmother resonated with me. When gc is SEN and can’t really be left, and one parent is no longer on the scene, I really feel I have to help, especially when alternative childcare greatly increases my gc anxiety. Tbh I also feel that I can’t/don’t play as much as when they were little now, it’s more minding, and a much younger, energetic adult would be a better occasional option. I’ve tried local activity clubs and groups too which haven’t worked out. I love gc dearly and can guarantee a laugh every day, but I’m not sure childcare by elderly gps is always the best only option.

I read the article too. I was 62 when my first grandchild was born and could manage a great deal, including sitting on the floor!
I was 69 when my second grandchild was born (during covid) and by now I was suffering from OA and have had both hips replaced 2021 and 2024. I cannot care for the younger as I did for the older grandchild even though now my DH is retired.
I have always worried more about my grandchildren than I did about my children!

As part of my job I gather background information from adults, looking at their early life experiences and what has made each of them the person they are. In so many cases the love they received from their grandparents shines through everything and is seen by them as a major factor in their development. Very often people tell me how their grandparents were a continuing thread that protected them against other, less positive childhood experiences such as parents’ divorce, house moves, problems at school, bullying etc.

I have found this really heartwarming, they rarely complain that their grandparents were too busy, too tired, or too old to be fun. What they valued was that they gave unlimited time, patience, care and above all unconditional love. When people talk about these memories, their faces light up, even though their grandparents may have been dead for many years. I hope (and try) to be that constant loving presence in my own grandchildren’s lives even though they often leave me fit to drop!

I don't remember mine at all.
They had all died by the time I was a small child, two of them before I was born.

When are governments going to realise that most parents work? School terms need to be changed to accommodate working parents. The long summer holidays are a throwback from when children spent the summer working on farms. The school structure is 100 years behind the times.

Tell that to the teachers. My daughter is still recovering from this year's teaching. It is not an easy job and carries on in the evening when preparation, marking and paperwork continues until about 10.00. The holidays are recovery time and catching up with housework.

My grandchildren don't live very near ,are all at school now. I can't do regular childcare because of the distance,and still working at 76, but I am often called upon for emergencies, they regularly stay over. The eldest who is 12 loves coming for a girlie shopping day in London with me. My sons family live a 2 hour train ride away but I go over when I can. Their little girl gets too travel sick for them to come to me.
I often feel I don't do enough but have a great relationship with all of them , better I think than the children had with their grandparents, or I had with mine.

The first person in the article was presumably only 50 when her grandchild came along.

As someone said upthread, age and health are the big factors in how hard/easy it is.

I will be 70 in October. I have my 3.5 autistic non verbal grandchild 2.5 days and her other grandparents have her same but she's at nursery am so really only pm and her dad picks her up usually about 3/4pm. Love having her but not easy on my own...my grandson is going to HS this year and pretty self sufficient.

I was only 48 and working full-time when my first grandchild was born and 56 when the last was born (and still working full-time) I wasn't really able to do regular childcare but did babysit when needed. I enjoyed having them when I was on holiday from work, when we could go out on day trips. As they got a little older we went on holiday, usually in caravans, although we have also been camping. I've usually taken 4 away at any one time. They loved having planning meetings where we'd decide what we were going to to do, what we were going to eat. We've made some fantastic memories. I now have a great granddaughter, only 4 months old but can't imagine having the same energy to run around after her when she finds her feet.