Hard to be a Grandparent

Maybe not the best idea to quote her MIL! Hopefully that will blow over. I’m sorry your DD is being critical though as you obviously give your GC a lovely time. Your daughter did mention possibly seeking alternative arrangements. She won’t of course but you could call her bluff and see what she has in mind. You are doing a sterling job and I hope things get back on an even keel soon. Enjoy the theatre (I take it that’s still going ahead?)

Dear me, what a storm in a teacup, blaming your GDs nightmare on you and as for saying if you can’t look after the children they will make other arrangements that is just nasty, and I am supposing they would have to pay royally for alternative childcare rather than having readily available grandparents for free, paying to take the children to the theatre etc.
I think you need to have a serious conversation with your daughter about how blessed she is to have such helpful parents and in- laws who can help with the kids.
The cheek of it.

Oh no 🤔 I thought worms were a thing of the past. That has really scared me.😳
Hope the issue with your daughter has been sorted.
Sorry that I mentioned the worms - but somehow, that’s what stuck out to me because 70 years ago, I’m sure I had worms 😂

In your shoes I would take my smelling salts, lie down in a darkened room with a large gin, and be unavailable for child sitting for at least 48 hours.

I think its the hot weather and the school holidays, pressure of work (both of you) and the world is not a happy place at the moment. There has been something similar here. Just let it come out in the wash. Your daughter needs you and the grandchildren need to see you. Its holiday time- what's a bit of popcorn at bedtime - it doesn't cause nightmares.

You did nothing wrong with your GC at all. I think al you got wrong is that its a fairly "dark" retelling tho has funny bits and you cannot know what children will find scary or at what age. DD is being. very unreasonable, it's just one of those things.

Going forward, best bet is to ask DD for list of approved films. She was being entirely unreasonable how she reacted.

However it was a mistake to take it to MiL.

Best advice I can think of: "lie low". Go "ah" and hmmm. hmm unless something specific is asked of you and if it is, play it down "oh, well I was rather tired when I said that".

With DD, keep your dignity.

You may be scared she'll withdraw the children, but she needs you.

Just keep matters as "ordinary/everyday as you can till things die down.

They will.

butterandjam

In your shoes I would take my smelling salts, lie down in a darkened room with a large gin, and be unavailable for child sitting for at least 48 hours.

What a good idea. I would do that but don’t want to miss theatre trip tomorrow. Might get tips from the perfect Nanny - Mary Poppins! Ha ha.

When my parents-in-law were looking after my son for the day (I was just out of hospital with second) they left him & his cousin outside a shop in a busy shopping centre (he was 6 & she 5).
He saw a fountain & wandered off to have a look & got lost. They found him 2 hours later with security guards, one of them had given him a sandwich, he seemed quite happy. The thing that annoyed me was that all the way home (1 hour trip down the motorway) they shouted at him for wandering off and told him what a naughty boy he was & how his cousin was so nuch better because she stayed where she was.
By the time he got home he was really upset, & this is a child who had just stopped being an "only" 2 weeks before.

I was livid with them but I didn't say a thing.

I did complain to DH & we both weren't impressed with them leaving such young children unattended in an unfamiliar shopping centre.But it was them being so angry with & upsetting an already scared child when the whole thing was their own fault, that made me see red.
I never said anything to them.How things change.

I sincerely hope this situation improves.
However I think your DD was absolutely out of order over the TV programme. Time to tell her you are doing her a massive favour by taking care of HER children!!! I would be furious. You have brought up your children- it is her turn now. I am tired of ' hearing ' about these selfish parents on GN ! If she doesn't like it she must pay for childcare!! You are doing a huge amount of childcare to enable her to work - does she not recognise that?
She should be full of gratitude . Tell her how you feel , if she is not happy with your childcare provision she must google ' local nurseries/ child minders. When she sees the financial situation of that she will soon change her tune !

Thank you all for sensible advice and I know I need to keep it all in proportion. I think everyone including me are feeling a bit stressed so best option is to lie low.
I deeply regret repeating what MIL said unfortunately heat of the moment.
I think Daughter know she is lucky to have us, especially me as MIL doesn’t drive so I do a lot of taking children to school, nursery, ballet, gym, etc etc.
Thank you again.

crazyH

Oh no 🤔 I thought worms were a thing of the past. That has really scared me.😳
Hope the issue with your daughter has been sorted.
Sorry that I mentioned the worms - but somehow, that’s what stuck out to me because 70 years ago, I’m sure I had worms 😂

I am afraid thread worms still seem to be a problem. The school say every year they have a problem with it. Luckily it is very easily treated.
But telling a 5 year old she had worms was very scary.

Shelflife

I sincerely hope this situation improves.
However I think your DD was absolutely out of order over the TV programme. Time to tell her you are doing her a massive favour by taking care of HER children!!! I would be furious. You have brought up your children- it is her turn now. I am tired of ' hearing ' about these selfish parents on GN ! If she doesn't like it she must pay for childcare!! You are doing a huge amount of childcare to enable her to work - does she not recognise that?
She should be full of gratitude . Tell her how you feel , if she is not happy with your childcare provision she must google ' local nurseries/ child minders. When she sees the financial situation of that she will soon change her tune !

👏👏👏👏👏

I am just astonished at the attitude of adult children towards their parents when they take on all the responsibility for childcare to help them out, unpaid and unreimbursed for all the expense incurred: popcorn for a start.
You took your granddaughter to help out her father who apparently could not cope with his two children for one night, and they need reminding of that.

I think the suggestion of a darkened room and a large gin and unavailability for 48 hours a good one, particularly the unavailability.

Well said easybee! Adult children with such a huge sense of entitlement, - it beggers belief!!!!

Your house, your rules?

Thank you labradora. When I have my GC it is definitely my house my rules! My
daughters respect that . Works well and the children know where they stand.
Grandmas in charge! Everyone is happy 😊

Great responses Shelflife and eazybee.

There's no excuse for your D's behaviour 1summer, it may be a good idea to point out to her that it would be a damn site harder to be a working parent if she wasn't benefiting from the help you're giving.

Sounds to me as if she looks for reasons to bully you.
I’ve had a lot of run ins with my daughter but never over the children.

Well, I know what my reaction would be if my DD spoketo me like that when I wasspending so much time and money looking after my grandchildren.

You took your granddaughter to help out her father who apparently could not cope with his two children for one night, and they need reminding of that.

Yes indeed, this is the critical point here.
I'd wager daddy isn't so particular about Netflix and popcorn if he ever is left home alone looking after both his own children 🤣

Definitely a large gin is required 1summer

valdavi what a dreadful experience for your family 😳

grandMattie

Your house, your rules?

I agree, up to a point.

Years ago I left my DD, then aged 3, with MIL for the night, MIL's idea not mine. I packed a little back pack with clean clothes, nightie, hairbrush, toothbrush etc. which I showed to MIL so that she knew where they were.

When I came to pick up DD she was still in the same clothes and it turned out she had slept in them. She hadn't washed or cleaned her teeth and her long hair was matted and
unbrushed.

I was very surprised as MIL was very house proud and always clean and tidy herself. When I asked MIL why she hadn't helped DD to wash or change her clothes MIL replied "I didn't realise I was supposed to".

So yes, your house your rules but there are limits.

You were really in the wrong to quote her MIL. If I was her I'd never trust you again. You really should apologise to her.

Magenta 🤦🏼‍♀️
There seems to have been a teutonic shift in expectations relatively recently.
My DM had us in 2 batches! Myself and older sister had our children relatively early. Our 2siblings came along later and had their children later. The youngest cohort are having their children now and seem to think that my siblings are at their beck and call. So entitled.

PamelaJ1 As a Grandmother I have noticed the same thing. I am far more hands on than my Mother or MIL ever were and it tends to be on the DCs' terms rather than mine.