I am just really sounding off as have nobody to moan at here.
My 2 grandchildren aged 5 and 1 are being looked after during school holidays by me and other Grandma, 2 days a week for 1 year old ( I have him 1 day a week) and 3 days for 5 year old (I have her 2 days a week).
I try to organise things to fill the days especially with the 5 year old, theatre trips, softplay, parks and National Trust houses who are organising children’s events.
Last week daughter was working in London so she asked to help Husband out could I have granddaughter overnight.
So last week after a long day at a NT property we got back and as I was Cooking dinner GD asked to watch a kids programme on Netflixs I said yes for 20 minutes. I checked and thought it was suitable a funny retelling of Snow White with bears instead of dwarfs.
Later that night she fell out of bed, not hurt but a bit upset. When she later told her Mum she said it was because she was upset about the bears who had itchy bums and were rubbing them on trees and had a nightmare, GD said it reminded her of when she had worms which was an upsetting time for her.
Well I feel it’s blown up out of proportion, and I feel daughter being totally unreasonable, she has banned me from letting her watch Netflix’s ( I can’t be trusted to let her watch suitable programmes - okay fine) Also why did I let her watch 20 minutes Netflixs when later that evening we had a movie night. Total of 2 hours screen time too much. I also let her have popcorn just before bed!
She told me if I couldn’t look after them both properly she would make alternative child care arrangements.
I have created further trouble by telling her that her MIL said to me that she thinks my daughter bullys me and I am frightened of her. I defended her but she is angry and upset with MIL She asked me if I am frightened of her and I said I am often anxious and feel I am treading on egg shells.
Daughter says she has been so upset about it this weekend and I had a long conversation with her and her telling me on how hard it is to be a parent and working Mum!! Err this was me 30 odd years ago with very little grandparents support or money for extra childcare or holiday activities.
Now her MIL has been to see me calling me a liar saying she never said these things.
I am sure it will all blow over, we have a Theatre trip booked tomorrow and can’t believe my Daughter will say my GD can’t go with me.
butterandjam
In your shoes I would take my smelling salts, lie down in a darkened room with a large gin, and be unavailable for child sitting for at least 48 hours.
Excellent idea!
Honestly, some parents who are getting free childcare really do take the p*ss!
It’s as if our children think they do us a favour by ‘allowing’ us to look after their children, our grandchildren.
In reality we are doing the favour and saving our children a small fortune.
She told me if I couldn’t look after them both properly she would make alternative child care arrangements.
And my answer to that would have been well feel free to do so by all means
She'll soon get the message when the childcare isn't available.
theworriedwell
You were really in the wrong to quote her MIL. If I was her I'd never trust you again. You really should apologise to her.
I do wish I hadn’t mentioned the conversation we had but it wasn’t in confidence. I won’t apologise to MIL.
My daughter’s MIL was trying to tell me what a bad relationship I had with my daughter, that I always looked fearful or upset. She tells me of the wonderful relationship she has with her daughter but my daughter is very friendly with her and hears another side.
In fact on the whole we do have a good relationship, we speak almost every day, eat together often, have spa days together I have had 2 holidays with them this year. But daughter has always been strong willed and forthright. I am not frightened of her.
Am glad to hear that Isummer, best to avoid conversation with the MiL if you can help it.
However, when strong willed and forthright crosses the line and just becomes plain rude you need to say something to your daughter about this, am not suggesting an argument but perhaps she needs to know when her strong will and forthright attitude has upset you.
Sorry that you are going through all of this . I would be careful about passing any information onto the MIL. Do not repeat unless you want a shit storm. Say that you are upset therefore you’re going to have to step back and take some time out. Do not be bullied into this situation. You’ve spent time and effort to do this in the past. Enjoy YOUR life.
I have always told my daughter that if I look after the children, I need to be able to tell them off if necessary, I don’t make a habit of it but I will do it.
My older daughter is not local, so regular childcare wasn’t an option, but I think we would probably have clashed pretty quickly, when I used to have them in the holidays, there was always some drama, like you, one involved inappropriate television, it was on CBeebies!
I usually stood my ground, because I felt she was petty and unreasonable at times, but still led to a bad atmosphere.
I also think that you need to be trusted to make your own rules regarding screen time, meals, and activities, obviously not doing anything you know won’t be approved of, but it has to work for you as well.
Personally, I would go ‘no contact’ for a week and let the DD sort out alternative arrangements. MIL might not be available and DD would therefore be in quite a quandary on who to dump her dc on!
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