Daughter hardly ever includes me

Please post

Do they know why you did not attend?

You blame your fractured relationship on her father. Seems you are now blaming her husband. Your current husband doesn’t like your daughter and you don’t have much to say about that. You couldn’t bring yourself to support your own daughter on her wedding day because you prioritized your own feelings. I think holding yourself accountable is the only way forward. Everything can’t be everyone else’s fault all the time.

If I had not managed to put my feelings to one side to attend my daughters wedding then I would expect a backlash.

I think she was very, very hurt that you didn’t go to her wedding.

You don’t really seem to care very much about her, only your grandchildren.

I think you need some professional advice on what you might possibly be able to do to repair the damage you have done to your relationship.

Then she might be able to trust you with her children.

I really can't imagine ever being with someone who didn't like my child. I put a lot of thought, effort and hard work into raising them.

I wouldn't even put up with someone who didn't like my cat

If you haven't already explained to your daughter your reason for not attending her wedding Misty, you need to do so now. That would be the first step in trying to repair the relationship.

I really am at a loss to know what to say as I could never, ever even consider being friends with someone who did not like my child, let alone marry them? You also have to take responsibility for putting your own feelings before those of your daughter when it comes to the matter of not attending her wedding, I cannot imagine how hurt she must have been. My only advice is to seek some professional counselling to sort your feelings out, all of which has already been said, sorry I am of no use, but your situation regarding your daughter really is beyond my comprehension.

I’m with previous posters, you must look in the mirror before blaming others, harsh but true, I too would not have considered a partner who didn’t like any of my children , I know from experience that fractured families make for difficult social occasions such as weddings, christenings etc, but as the parents you have to be the bigger person to maintain some harmony, it’s true the menopause can make emotions scatter but you can get through this, put your daughter first for a change

Things need to be endured for the sake of your daughter & the future, eg your feelings about your ex-husband. ‘Blended’ families, whilst uncomfortable, are increasingly common: you need to face contemporary morality and move on - if you want a life. But you may need help.

InRainbows

I really can't imagine ever being with someone who didn't like my child. I put a lot of thought, effort and hard work into raising them.

I wouldn't even put up with someone who didn't like my cat

Nor would I and I don't even have a cat !

I believe there is a gigantic breakdown in communication here people don’t like one another or at least they think they don’t -being excluded or included was on purpose or not on purpose. Misunderstandings occur within families I think more often than not I don’t know if you can all every single one of you sit down together without a mediator but I truly would advise a family meeting. Perhaps there’s a neutral party who could moderate you all need to talk you all need to get your feelings out and then come to an agreement to start over why this late clean elsewise the next 20 years of your life are not going to be very wonderful not for anyone. Best advice I can give “Talk”

I can see how difficult a situation you are in.

However, your daughter is your daughter and you need somehow to resolve the issue with your husband not caring much for her, if your daughter is to feel welcome in your home.

Whatever the reason for your divorce from her father, surely by now, you can put up with being in a party at your daughter's that includes him? Surely, no-one is suggesting that you talk to him, apart from saying hello and good-bye if you really dislike him, are afraid of him, or whatever?

Quite honestly, if my parents had refused to come to my wedding, I would have blanked them!

If you want a better relationship with your daughter and her husband, you have some explaining and apologising to do, as well as either getting your husband to at least be polite to them, or to go out when they visit.

There are some very nasty comments on here, it seems we are expected to bend over backwards for our Daughters, but they can be as uncaring as they like. I've been on the end of my own Daughters nastiness and she too had issues about her Father that she chose to take out on me. Women really can be nasty can't they.

Oh dear , it sounds like you are feeling very sorry for yourself Misty007 😢

But there are 2 things that GLARE out in your post .
1) Your 2nd Husband’s’ “dislike” of your daughter
2) Your un attendance at your Daughter’s wedding,

I think the fact that you have only seen your 2nd GD a few times must be down to both of these things sadly .

Have you not thought the same instead of feeling so sorry for yourself ask yourself the same question.

That may sound harsh but really you didn’t attend your daughter’s wedding because her Dad your exact husband was ( obviously) attending!
Did you want your DD to make a choice , him or you ?

I have actually been to a family wedding where that same thing happened only it was the Grand parents one wouldn’t go because the other was attending!!

PTSD or not it’s quite something to miss your DD wedding . Enough said .

Re Your DH “ not liking your DD “ why is that ?
Is it became of how she is treating you ?
If not what she s the reason ?

There’s a lot to unpick here & maybe you need to have a discussion with both DD & DH .

As for the other GP ‘if they live closer than it’s reasonable to understand the fact that they get do care for the newer GC more .

As others have said ‘ why be with a man who dislikes your child ‘

I feel sorry for you but think you need to have those conversations.

Bluesmum.........are'nt we always told to think of our own mental health first and yet, when we do, we're told to think of others. It can't both be right.

In all honesty, I am at a loss as to what advice would be corrective and provide an avenue of communications with your daughter.

Regardless of blame on anyone’s part, you are in a very sad situation and it’s clear you’d like to find a way to put things right. You have to work with things as they are, so try to find a way of communicating to your daughter that you regret not going to her wedding party (was that the actual wedding?) and realise how hurtful that must have felt to her, and you would dearly love to put things right between you.
Then leave it at that in the hope that your daughter will respond to you.

Apart from what other posters contributed with, you have a long background about difficulties with your daughter

I am politely asking - how we can help you

There are some really nasty judgemental comments on here. You really dont know exactly how the person felt about going to the wedding event which her x husband would be attending. She said she was really depressed (psd) at the time and maybe she wasn't coping and felt very alone. Yes, it would be a good idea to talk to her daughter about this directly...BUT why does anyone post on here when there isn't a word of support in a complex situation?

You could have gone to your daughter's wedding without your husband, although he should have put his feelings aside for your sake and agreed to go with you. As for not wishing to see your ex-husband, you should have pushed your feelings aside and gone for the sake of your daughter. Maybe he doesn't like her because it sounds like she resents him, because he has replaced her father. It's about time she accepted him, but as I said you or both of you should have gone to the wedding.

semperfidelis

There are some really nasty judgemental comments on here. You really dont know exactly how the person felt about going to the wedding event which her x husband would be attending. She said she was really depressed (psd) at the time and maybe she wasn't coping and felt very alone. Yes, it would be a good idea to talk to her daughter about this directly...BUT why does anyone post on here when there isn't a word of support in a complex situation?

It’s called honesty.

We were asked our opinions and we gave our opinions.

This site is not an echo chamber.

To be honest, if I was in your daughter’s shoes and had sent a wedding invite to my mother and she refused to attend, I would be extremely hurt and it’s no surprise she has blanked you on the back of it.

Did you have any kind of discussion as to why you chose not to attend?

If not, it should be up to you to call her and ask for a meet up and have that discussion whilst trying to mend bridges.
She’s likely as upset as you are.

I think a lot of people are troubled by the partners dislike of the daughter. I don't think that sounds at all like a healthy relationship. It is easy to imagine he also disapproved of attending the daughters wedding.

It would be far better to be single than with a man who doesn't support this relationship or coping with an ex partner at a wedding, which would be achievable with support. It could have just meant attending the ceremony at least.

I can imagine many children would feel heartbroken and let down. I don't feel it is nasty to point that out or be shocked when reading a situation.