Can grandchildren cope with two phones - one for each parent's house?

BlueBelle

Many children younger have phones but 11 is the age majority get their phones when they move up to high school Astitchintime I doubt very much that there are many 11 years old without a phone

Perhaps they do….but I’m still shocked

Tell him to switch the wi fi off, but do it in a way they don’t realise. My grandchildren the 9, 12 and 15 year old all have phones but my daughters have put time limits and restrictions on them. When they’ve stayed with me and I can’t get them to participate in games etc, our wi fi accidentally goes down! But I feel sorry for him as it’s hard to go against the main care giver, he needs to keep trying though.

How bizarre! My step grandson has 1! He's 12...

I wouldn't get involved, you will only start off conflict and when its blown over you will get the blame.
Yes your son should have boundaries and when he has the children take the phones off them at a reasonable time , but that's for him to decide by telling him you will only be seen as interfering

I saw this on MumNet. Obviously parents think it is a problem too. www.mumsnet.com/articles/the-other-phone

Sorry they just sound like spoil brats who rule the roost. And the two phone idea is just ridiculous.

I gave my opinion as the granny of children with two homes. There are different rules in each home but they have coped extremely well for the past ten years without my involvement.

FranP

BlueBelle

Many children younger have phones but 11 is the age majority get their phones when they move up to high school Astitchintime I doubt very much that there are many 11 years old without a phone

.. but they have to be switched off when at school all day. Children are being diagnosed with addictions and ADHD from too much computer usage.

Dad needs to physically remove their phones at whatever time is their age appropriate bed times, and be strong about it, rather than blaming mum.

Separate phones is a nightmare, but 8pm is a bit early these days for an 11 year old.

I was answering the shock that Astichintime showed that children of 11 had phones, nothing at all to do with parental control in my post FranP.

The children will have to get used to …not two phones but two different parenting styles Your son will need to stick to it but do alternative fun stuff so they don’t dislike visiting

Astitchintime I very much doubt there are any children without a phone when they go up to high school 11/12 and I m shocked you are shocked obviously you don’t have grandkids in that age group. mine all had phones to go to high school and so did all their friends and as they are all in their twenties now that was a good few years back, in fact my grandson was one of the last to get a phone in his last year at junior As well as the night times off rule his mum told him he could only have one if she could keep an eye on things he agreed and every now and then she’d have a check and was horrified as to some of the texts he got off girls she had a sit down talk about not getting involved so early and about respect and treatment of women etc and nothing worse ever happened

Good point, Bluebell.

My grandchildren had to learn very quickly to take responsibility for having the right kit in the right place on the right day, though of course there have been hiccups. It is a huge logistical exercise when their week is split between two homes.
I can’t see how two phones would work. I don’t see them surrendering their phones on arrival at their Dad’s house, and if their Mum or anyone else needed to contact them they wouldn’t be able to. Dad needs to exercise some control over their use whilst they are with him, but that won’t be easy.

Co-ordinating rules between separated parents can be a nightmare, especially when the mother considers herself to be the lead parent.

Possibly the best thing that Dad can do is to have a house rule that everyone (including him) puts their phone away between certain hours, especially mealtimes. Also, if he can organise some activity that keeps them occupied (game of football? cricket? badminton? watch a mutually agreed film?) when the phones are off it might help them to comply.

I’m struggling to find sound logic behind providing more screens to children who already have, as you’ve described, a screen addiction.

Your son is a parent. He needs to learn how to parent and ensure his children understand that when they are on his time, his rules apply. If he has a problem with the screentime, he needs to put his foot down. He doesn’t get to blame their mother for his own lack of backbone when they children on with him. It’s also nonsensical to get any child two phones for any reason.

Sueinkent

The mother is failing in a duty of care.

So is their father. He’s a parent. He is also responsible for his children

No screens in the bedroom seems to be quite a common rule but it's so to the Dad what he does. Co-parenting isn't easy.

Not commenting on this situation but I feel when children go to high school and are using public transport is the time for them to have a phone.
Sometimes buses don’t turn up or are delayed and being able to communicate and get reassurance is crucial.

WithNobsOnIt

Sorry they just sound like spoil brats who rule the roost. And the two phone idea is just ridiculous.

Yay! Someone in my wavelength about children feeling they are ‘entitled’ to a mobile phone at a very young age! Children seem to rule the roost these days and the parents just couldn’t care less about disciplining them, or even having a relationship with them.

These poor children, torn between two parents.
Has he attempted to negotiate with his wife about phone time and rules, or is it what his children tell him?

He must insist his house, his rules, and if disabling the internet is the only way to stop out of hours usage, so be it. But no control elsewhere is undermining his authority; is this the intention, currying favour?

A grandmother friend discovered her obedient grandchild was dutifully charging her phone downstairs when she went to bed, only to discover it was just the empty case, and she was chatting away on her phone at 2 am .

Yay! Someone in my wavelength about children feeling they are ‘entitled’ to a mobile phone at a very young age! Children seem to rule the roost these days and the parents just couldn’t care less about disciplining them, or even having a relationship with them.

Terribly judgemental Crosstitchfan all my grandchildren had to go quite long bus journeys to their high school The two that live nearest me had an hours bus ride each way if the bus was late or worse still didn’t turn up or as once happened went on a completely different route ending up in a different town
( don’t ask we never found out what happened there) they and their mum would have been lost without their phones at 11 years old
I think it’s easy to just throwaway children are too entitled parents don’t parent etc etc) It’s very hard being a parent and co parenting can be a nightmare however children do soon get used to two separate lots of rules and know what they can do at mums house and what they can do at dads but Dad will have to do something with them not just leave them to it if they haven’t got their phones after a certain time
Also it’s not all bad they do carry a little computer around with them
Eazybee you ve got to admire that little lady’s problem solving skills

I am sitting here with my jaw hanging open. Since when have children not had to listen to what their parent or their grandparent has to say. Why would a father who was trying to safeguard his children not be strong enough to switch the internet off in his own house?

Hi Maddyone. I have solved your problems with stopovers on long haul flights. We used the one in Kuala Lumpur

Shelflife

I am speechless!! No parental controls, no discipline. Dad must put his foot down, why can't both parents present a united front and make it very clear who is in charge- it is certainly not them !!
Goodness knows what the children are watching.

Yes, exactly! What a ridiculous situation to get into. Both parents need to lay down some boundaries.

Children age 10 and 11 "refuse" to put down their phones at Dads house?????

Dad could excercise real "parental control" and take away the phones on arrival at his house. That way he can be sure to prevent child access to any damaging content.

Probably resolved now, OP is a few months old.