Difficult dil

Second sentence ‘when’ not ‘eve’

Sounds like a Son problem as much as it's a DIL problem. Your son should be your focus, not your DIL.

I'd stop paying for them to go on holiday if you're feeling taken for granted.

Stop taking them on holiday. And try to choose a time to see your GCs eve your DiL could be otherwise engaged, suggest to your son that you want to help with the GCs whilst DiL isn’t there, to give him a hand, and if she is there just zone out and enjoy being with your GCs, suggest taking them out somewhere without the parents, to the park etc. to help.
All the best.

Well I definitely wouldn’t take them on holiday if your dil is that unpleasant . A holiday is to relax and not to be worried about upsetting people.
As for your dil and ds remarks, they need to be called out on this . They need reminding that if you can’t say anything nice , don’t say anything at all .
And you’re right not to comment on your dil parenting . Even if you disagree and know she’s wrong .
This seems to be a common issue on here .

Why spend all that money on them aanyway? Are they too poor to pay for their own holidays or are you trying to buy your DiL's approval?

I’ve got one of those - recently, there was another thread re ‘treading on eggshells’ - and my story is there. I just happened to mention how nice one of my son’s ex gf was. Tactless perhaps, but it was the truth. Now I’m out in the cold. Even my son is not talking to me. So be it.

MirandaIV I have to tread on eggshells around my son and daughter-in-law. God forbid that I ever make any comments about the care of my granddaughters

It’s really not your place to comment on their care. One of the first rules of grandparenting. Don’t offer advice on parenting unless it’s requested.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way!
My advice????……..let them pay for their own holidays. They are using you and financially abusing you. Whilst ever you keep bank rolling them they will not show you any respect whatsoever.
As for the hurtful comments in their company…….find your voice and use it, the next time DS says anything nasty confront him and tell him in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t brought up to speak to people that way so why now?! Call him and her out or else forever get treated so disgracefully.