Sleep issues with grandchildren

Could they not sleep in the same room as you?

PaperMonster2: Our house is small, and there literally is no room. Grandpa sleeps with me, and so no room in our bed either. They have bunkbeds in their room that is literally right across the hall from ours. We keep our door open and they have a night light.

Could you have a baby listener of the sort that you can talk through?
Then you can tell them that getting up time is 7am (or whatever) but before that is night.
Then make sure you have a clock they can see and show them what 7am looks like.

My daughter did this.
"Is it 7 yet?"
"No"
"Then it must still be night"

Unless of course you think there's room in the bottom of your bed (which is what mine did when there were too many to squash in at the top).

Tricky. So, the rollaway bed isn’t something they sleep on then. Do you lie on that whilst they fall asleep then?

They already have a toddler clock that is red when it's time to sleep and green when it's time to get up. Yes, the rollaway is the bed I sleep on when in their room.

Difficult ! It seems this stems from a habit that started in their own home ? I do sympathise but if the parents want you to continue you having their children stay over ....it has to change.
Speak to the parents tell them you are worn out and devise a plan of action . It can be done. If the children realise that Mum , Dad and GM are all on the same page there is a strong chance of success. It will probably take considerable time but will be worth it in the end! Of course there will be tears- tough ! Sounds harsh but needs must. If parents are not prepared to try then quite simply you must not be prepared to have them overnight! Their children not yours and you should not be expected to be in this weekly trauma. Its ridiculous. Be firm and good luck.

Oh and dont forget, you are doing the parents a massive favour having the children overnight every week !!!, It is not the other way round !

If it is only one night a week, I would stay all night on the roll away bed.

Why not discuss this with the children's parents? Surely they will understand that as you get older you cannot cope with disturbed nights.

Malaysia - that has crossed my mind, but the rollaway is really uncomfortable and hurts my back. Not to mention, the night light makes it difficult to sleep. The older one snores, and the younger one sucks on her blanket. I also need to use a CPAP machine when I sleep.

Monica - I have had several discussion with their mom. She said to do whatever I need to do in my house and has told the grandchildren to respect our rules. I just need to follow through and tell them that things are changing. I let my sympathies for missing their parents get in the way.

I think the "is it sleeptime or daytime" just has to be repeated.
"Oh dear it's still nighttime"
"See you in the morning"
😬

And maybe point out that if you don't sleep you will be too tired to be any fun the next day?

Thank you everyone for your feedback, it has been helpful

If the parents are happy for you handle this in your own way then do just that. Explain to the children what is going to happen and be firm. Dont be swayed by their tears and don't feel guilty. Its good their parents are happy to let you manage this but it smells a bit like 'passing the book ' They need to speak to their children about the new regime. This will not be easy but your health must be a priority, you don't deserve this hassle.

Macaydia you are very tolerant ! Why on earth should sle1964 be inconvenienced every week, when it is clear it compromising her physical and emotional health.

I'd start by not staying in the room until they fall asleep. Do the usual story etc, stay another few minutes, then say goodnight and leave. Tell them you'll come back to check on them shortly. If they come out, bring them back and tuck into bed again. I think there's some evidence that if they get used to falling asleep on their own, they're less likely to look for company if they wake in night.

Farmor15 - I think I’m leaning towards that actually

sle1964 your grandchildren have my sympathies, but you're important too.

Are they warm enough in bed, especially if the heating goes off overnight?
I sometimes wake up if I'm just not quite warm enough. A fleecy blanket on top of the duvet can add a bit of cosy weight.

We trained our children at a similar age that if they could hear our radio they could come into our room, if not it "wasn't time" and they had to go back to bed.
They always had books and their favourite toys.
Children do have to learn that adults need their sleep!

I think that not staying in the room might be the answer as long as they are confident you are going to check on them. That works with one of my dgc but not another who is frightened of the dark. If it doesn’t work with yours I’d buy a new comfortable rollaway and, as Macaydia says, stay with them all night even if you have the door open and are partly in the hall for a bit of dark and quiet. Or would Grandad sleep with them if you need the cpap machine in your bedroom? Sometimes children just need to know someone is with them. However I don’t see how you could stop them waking in the night. I would definitely not upset them when they are so little for one night a week or their sleep might be even worse. Perhaps you yourself could go to bed earlier?

It's one night a week ...it wouldn't bother me....in fact it doesn't...I have 2 of my GDs to sleep at least once a week .....they are 10 and 7 and don't sleep alone at home ....so its no different at mine ....I sleep in the same room as them and go to bed same time as them (.about 9pm) ....there will come a time when they don't want granny snuggles so I just go with it....to be honest OP if its not happening at home then very unlikely for them to change their habits at yours....and you don't want them growing up with bad memories....if its too much I would just say ....the parents will need to find alternative care

I m with you LOUISA mine are all grown up but when they were small if they weren’t able to settle then they d sleep with me I never saw this need to be strict about where they slept as long as they slept .

You're all far more tolerant than I would be in that situation, I'm afraid. My two always slept in their own room from day one and my GS has been the same when he's stayed with us. At their ages, there's no reason why they shouldn't be able to sleep in their own room, on their own. I'd be saying if they can't stick to that, they can't stay - it's as simple as that.

You have my sympathies with grandchildren and sleep disturbances.

Could whichever child wakes up first at night, be encouraged to crawl into bed with the other one, for comfort and to go back to sleep? When I was a child, I suffered from night terrors after my parents' divorce, and I would creep into my sister's bed and simply go back to sleep. (We laugh about it now, at 76 and 78).

I hope you find a solution. You're a good gran. 🥰

I do think the chap makes this situation much harder.