When grandchildren grow up

My teens are boys. We chat, play board games, they bring things that they know we can help with... one comes with drama pieces to practice - one brings his maths... one came with his mum and re-lined our pond. They do stuff in the garden with us. They are always hungry and love to eat!

I think it very much depends on the young person.
One 11 year old always brings a book and will at some point sit and read for a while. He is a real bookworm and does it at home too.
The girls are all younger so we shall see!

Why not ask her? Tell her that you want her to continue to enjoy visiting you, so would like to know what would keep it interesting for her when she's old enough to be at her own home on her own for a while.

At 12, she should understand that, and be able to come up with ideas, (even if they involve screens or things you might not like).

Aw, fancyflowers, that sounds quite sad for you 😟. My granddaughters are almost 5 and 3, I have them a lot and love every minute of it. Your situation makes me wonder what things will be like when they're young teenagers, instead of taking them to parks and soft play, I expect I'll become a taxi service for them to meet friends and later on out on the town. I won't think that far 😱.

My youngest grandchildren are 11 and are both very different. I know that Mum isn’t fond of going shopping so recently I’ve taken them clothes hunting.

My grandson, now nearly 16 loves going out for coffee, cake and a chat plus playing card games. It does reach a point where they can be too busy doing their own thing but food treats seem to come top of the list.

They do come back as they get older but food still plays a big part. I don’t usually take them clothes hunting oldest ones out to the pub but it has been known.

Mine are 20, 23, 23 25, 25 , 26 and 28 now and of course I see little of them but we still have a warm and loving relationship when I do see them, they are scattered around the world but they keep in touch, send photos and tell me about their adventures and more importantly tell me they love me, I have many many memories and photos to look at
What more could I want

I’m afraid it is best to accept things will change. Our eldest grandsons live far away and we keep in touch with WhatsApp and occasional chats, the eldest is coming up 30. The next youngest is engaged and they all have busy lives. The nearby GC visit and we see them, the girls are away at Uni and have boyfriends so we are a bit down the pecking order now. When we do meet it’s all good
Make the most of it while you can

My situation is so different to the norm. My GC are 27, 27, 25 , 23, 16, and 15.
All have had difficulties in their childhood very sadly for me but now the oldest and the 16 year old live with me with their father although the relationship between S and his D , 27 is not good.
The 15 year old spends every weekend and all school holidays with us.

The other 27 year old and the 23 year old live 300 miles away so I only see the about once a year but the 27 one is visiting me in a few weeks to bring his girlfriend to meet me, I am looking forward to that.
Every different stage in their lives is good and we adapt.
My relationship with them all is very open and easy.

Thank you for all your replies. I am accepting that things will change as she grows up. I think (hope) that she will still enjoy baking, as she loves to eat the results! I can't take her out as my mobility is limited and I can't walk very well.
I will ask her what she would like to do when she comes here.

We are just entering this stage, and are learning to accept that things move on. I understand that there's feelings of nostalgia, even loss, in how things were.

The changes are subtle, so I think we need to adapt and change too. Teenagers become busy in their daily lives and activites, grandparents are needed less for helping out, but can still have close relationships.

Everyone is different, and it can also depend on finances and mobility, but I now go for the more meaningful occasions like taking teenage granddaughter to France with us for a week at a time, or a trip to Amsterdam in October half-term to Anne Frank's House. I see it as stuffing a lot into a shortened time because I know the regular pop bys for tea or creative activities are pretty much over.

I've never helped at all with their school education, but now the stupid secondary school is not offering gcse modern languages this year, I've become very popular with my DGD and a few friends to do private tuition. So maybe that will be my input for the next few years!?

Good luck! I think your granddaughter will always enjoy baking with you. It's a great activity, and you can now experiment with more tricky techniques and processes.

6 GC here, from 23, 22, 10, 6, 10, 6
I, along with the other GPs practically brought up the oldest two because their parents worked long hours.
I have done a lot of baby sitting and sleepovers for my youngest sons 2 boys, but never really had my middle son’s girls to sleep over unless their parents also stay over , which is very, very rare. I don’t think this son and d.I.l. trust me with their children. The other GM is a bit possessive too.
With the oldest two, we played a lot of games……trivia and impromptu maths games, I Spy , colouring etc.
I miss those days. I miss those precious days.

I'm very sad at the way our grandsons have grown up and away from us. They are 15 and 13. Suddenly school, sport and outside activities with friends including girlfriend consume their lives. We do see them about once a week but most likely because DD makes them 🙁. However, they are lovely when we see them and I communicate a lot via Instagram with the eldest.
It's just modern life I suppose.

Our two youngest are now 16 and 17, they come to us for the day during school holidays and still want to come. We live quite close to the town and the adjoining park so we usually go there and play mini golf in the park or there is an indoor mini golf in the town if the weather isn’t good enough. They like to walk round the shops before we return home and usually play cards before having fish and chips from our local chippy. Sometimes they will ask if we can go to the cinema if there is a film they want to see, although they are a boy and a girl they get on well and usually like the same things.

CrazyH it's sad that you miss the days when you used to do so much with your grandchildren. Aveline this is exactly what I am afraid of - that she will gradually grow away from us.

MartavTaurus I wish I had the ability to take our granddaughter abroad, as you do. I would love that.

On a completely different subject, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you regarding the girl who played Nancy in 'Oliver.' When I went to look at the school's video, it had been set to 'private viewings only.' I know a lot of the parents were upset by this.

They help in the garden.
They cook with us,
They watch some sporty tv with my husband.
We may raxi, taking or fetching from school, some days.
We play tennis together, we golf together.
They may help with dog walks.
We eat together.
They may be at Church whist we're at Church.
We typically have Sunday lunch here, after Church.
Ages range 40s to newborn.

I have 6 GC , the oldest 4 are GDs aged 16-20, we don't see as much of them as we did when they were younger but fortunately are still included in their lives - going to see the oldest ones on their 18th birthdays, being WhatsApped when they have news of uni offers etc. visiting the oldest at uni, cheering one of the 18 yo on in running a marathon(!) , large family get togethers a couple of times a year etc . I have for a few years taken the 4 teenagers out in London in the summer post exam results for lunch , maybe a gallery and a bit of a shopping trip funded by me, a tradition I’d like to keep going for a while! Ive still got 2 little ones in the family to look after every week, so yes, the relationship does change in terms of quantity and you do become less significant, but you can still have quality time with them. .

MartavTaurus

We are just entering this stage, and are learning to accept that things move on. I understand that there's feelings of nostalgia, even loss, in how things were.

The changes are subtle, so I think we need to adapt and change too. Teenagers become busy in their daily lives and activites, grandparents are needed less for helping out, but can still have close relationships.

Everyone is different, and it can also depend on finances and mobility, but I now go for the more meaningful occasions like taking teenage granddaughter to France with us for a week at a time, or a trip to Amsterdam in October half-term to Anne Frank's House. I see it as stuffing a lot into a shortened time because I know the regular pop bys for tea or creative activities are pretty much over.

I've never helped at all with their school education, but now the stupid secondary school is not offering gcse modern languages this year, I've become very popular with my DGD and a few friends to do private tuition. So maybe that will be my input for the next few years!?

Good luck! I think your granddaughter will always enjoy baking with you. It's a great activity, and you can now experiment with more tricky techniques and processes.

'Their stupid secondary school is not offering GCSE Modern Languages'
That's tragic, but why do you think that might be? Because we've had a shortage of qualified MFL teachers since the year dot. I do not doubt that the school has tried to recruit and failed.
I so hope you don't refer to their school as stupid in front of them.

I jolly well do refer to the school as "stupid", Chardy , to my own family anyway, if not others!
The smallish school has three teachers of French. German was dropped along the way. The excuse is, the take up isn't sufficient at GCSE. Also, that the kids find modern languages uninspiring.
Whose fault is that?
I have my reasons for going off on one, but not on this thread designed to support each other.

I have 4 GC -DS &DiL have boy/ girl twins of nearly 16 and live nearby, and DD &DSiL have a girl of nearly 15 and boy of nearly 10 about 2 hours away. I see the twins most weeks , they sometimes help out with the chores I can’t do easily now for pocket money and also always involves food! We chat easily and I go and watch their sports events sometimes. The other two come and stay along with their parents for a few days in the school holidays. But they are very different, not very communicative and quite tricky at times.Maybe it’s because they are staying and it’s for longer concentrated periods. They lived near me when young but late DH was very ill and COVID stopped the usual interactions. So not so close as the others .They enjoy being with their twin cousins when they stay and I hope that will continue once I’ve dropped off my perch !

fancyflowers

MartavTaurus I wish I had the ability to take our granddaughter abroad, as you do. I would love that.

On a completely different subject, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you regarding the girl who played Nancy in 'Oliver.' When I went to look at the school's video, it had been set to 'private viewings only.' I know a lot of the parents were upset by this.

I guess the school has its policies regarding sharing school performances, fancyflowers . Safeguarding.
I hope the talented young lady will one day find someone who takes a special interest in her, and can come up with openings for her.

I remember your saying you saw your granddaughter in her performance, and how proud you were. So that's great that you're involved in her school life on occasions and can chat about her successes

Modern Languages courses at University have been reducing over the past few years and just recently at least two major universities have completely axed their MFL departments ( along with Music). I have signed petitions against this.
So it follows that schools are going to think twice about how they spend their budgets and if there will be fewer opportunities to take those languages further it is a pragmatic decision.

fancyflowers one of my grandsons goes to his other grandparents once a week to cook.
He started with cakes and scones and now is learning a few savouries - Shepherd's Pie last week I think.

She may enjoy finding a recipe one week(with you), then you get the ingredients together over the week (or fortnight or whatever you decide) and then you make it next visit.

This particular grandson is 11 - same age as the one who loves reading (and with whom we do talk books quite a lot).

He is very proud of his new skills.

I see my daughter’s children, 18 and 21, fairly often as they live nearby. But if a month passes without seeing one or the other, we make an effort to rectify that. They rarely come for meals now, but are happy to chat and catchup with news.
I see my son’s children, 21 and 24, less often, normally only if they happen to be home when I go for the occasional Sunday lunch.
C’est la vie.

We only have one grandchild. She is 25. She asked us to join her and her lovely boyfriend for a few days in Spain. We have just come back. We were thrilled to be asked. We had a fantastic time.