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Am I being taken for granted, or is this just what being a grandparent is today?

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HideTheJuice Thu 23-Jul-26 04:57:06

My husband and I are in our 40s, and we care for our toddler grandson four days a week while his mom attends school. We agreed to help with childcare for classes, but over time it's expanded into many evenings, overnights, and most weekends because she often has social plans, activities, or other commitments.

We adore our grandson and genuinely enjoy being with him, but we're starting to feel burned out. We haven't had a weekend to ourselves since May 1, 2026, and it feels like we're expected to always be available.

One thing that's becoming particularly difficult is that our time doesn't seem to be respected. Plans are often made with very little notice, drop-offs and pick-ups rarely happen at the agreed time, and we're often asked to help even when we've already explained that we have family commitments or aren't feeling well.

I want to be clear that I don't object to a young mother having a social life, going to the gym, or pursuing school. I want to support her. What I'm struggling with is feeling like our willingness to help has gradually become an expectation rather than something we're asked to do.

My husband feels exactly the same way, and we're worried that if we don't make some changes, we'll become resentful. We love our grandson deeply and want to enjoy being grandparents, not feel like we're co-parenting.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you set healthy boundaries without hurting the relationship?

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ExDancer Sun 02-Aug-26 11:35:28

Are you in the USA?
I ask because of your use of the word 'Mom' instead of the more usual 'Mum', not that it matters as your problem seems to be widespread these days.
Grandparenting does seem to have changed drastically since we were new parents, and you seem to be at the sharp end and you can't go on like this or you'll burn out.
Obviously you want to avoid having 'the' conversation where you tell your daughter exactly what you've said here, so you must do what everyone (well nearly everyone) is suggesting and stop being available.
Also keep stressing the fact that you are tired all the time, and not feeling well - perhaps when she thanks you when she comes to collect him say something like "He's really worn me out today and I can't keep this up much longer." She does say thank-you I hope.

BUT the fact that you haven't replied infers that you don't like this advice? What are you thinking? Why no response?
What did you expect us to say?

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