LOUD VOICE

If they think you're embarrassing Melanie God knows what they would make of me if I were you I would imitate the younger generation and spend the meal playing with your phone. See how they like that!

IngeJones - you make a very valid point.

Someone made an interesting comment a while back on this thread which made me reflect, this generation possibly don't have as much virtual conversation as we did, many seem to be preoccupied with their gadgetry and some rely on sound bites and cliches. How many times have you been out and noticed couples, tables even, all engaged with their phones with little interaction between whoever they are with. I'm sorry for you Melanie you sound a lot of fun and I think they are exaggerating your so called faux pas. Nevertheless, I love the way offspring can assume that embarrassment only goes one way, on the whole I think mine have grown out of our their embarrassment, but youngest son can be a bit tetchy on rare occasions. I on the other hand am still embarrassed when I vicariously hear about FB pages. I could only possibly looked through clenched fingers fleetingly. I can be quite loud and excitable on some topics, particularly after a few drinks, I blame that on my latin blood. My childhood memories of my paternal side were loud discussions around the table, with loads of arm waving etc, my mother's side were quiet and sedate and nothing ever roused them to get "out of their tree" It struck me at a very early age that the most embarrassing people in the world were those in your own family C'est la vie

I suggest that you now look for a new approach to family meal time conversations. Plenty of options on the internet. Here are two.

www.familiesalive.org/dinnertable/

the one below has 50 questions as starters. Choose the ones you like.
www.sixsistersstuff.com/2013/03/50-family-dinner-conversation-starters.html

I once had a member of staff who drove me crackers at work so I had a list of questions and statements in my filofax and every time he came into my office opened the page on which I had listed some suitable responses, so that I did not rise to what ever he was going to say but had a remark ready!!

Perhaps it was the way that you addressed him that sounded a bit off, rather than that you called him 'young man'.

It's a bit Stepford Mothers isn't it. Even if some people find Melanie's remarks more frank than they are used to, I can't really see what the big fuss is. If they feel a remark needs responding to (say, the comment singling out one good father) why not - courteously - respond or make a joke about it?

I know what I am going to say is going to sound a little over the top, but if you have a woman who was previously extrovert, sociable, un-selfconscious and now she is becoming nervous about the way people see her due to a group of people picking on what she says and how she says it, are we looking at a bullying situation? It can happen even in families. Something needs to interrupt this situation before the OP starts to lose confidence in herself.

Ingejones i think that's best way to actually gently say you find it uosetting to be told your voice is too loud and that u make inappropriate comments really it's pretty awful behaviour like saying you aren't acceptable!

Maybe try not to make tactless comments but I don't see why you should try change your voice?!

Teddy123 I know I talk a Lot when. Y son calls, somehow Shen we skype its more 2 way?

My daughter cut herself off from me 8 years ago so don't feel qualified to comment
However I would be upset to be cr iticised in this way and really feel it's very disrespectful not to mention unkind.

However perhaps that was one of reasons I was cut off? I now know quite a few mums and dad who have been estranged too it seems to be ok to do this if parents aren't needed anymore?

My sisister in law asked me about childbirth at the dinner table! & she's my age!
When my sister was getting married my mum was giving her some money. I said (tongue in cheek) I had no intention of getting married so could I just have the money? She asked me (again at the family dinner table) if I was a lesbian! I nearly spat my mouthful out! I had had dd by then and admittedly a string of bad relationships with men but never had considered or had feelings for a woman! Inappropriate at its best!

Do you know what? If anyone in my family was that oversensitive or overthinking of everything I said, I'd ask them to provide me with a list of lines I was allowed to say, and read appropriate lines from that at inappropriate moments just to wind them up. But if you prefer the more amenable approach, I'd do what someone earlier suggested, and start acting quiet and untalkative around them, until it becomes a relief when you do say something. I don't think it would do any harm to tell them, gently, that it's beginning to upset you quite how many times they criticise your comments and ask them to tell you whether it's because you're always criticising what they say. If they can't say yes to that, I think they'll have to face up to the fact they're being over judgmental.

Some younger people are easily 'offended' Melanie...... it seems to be the malaise of our times.

Laugh NO. I wish. They gasp and say "Mum". Regarding the baby no one is in any doubt as to how gorgeous I think he is. With regard to the "childbirth" question she just muttered something about Scarlet Fever being pretty bad. Laugh? No, No, No.

It depends if they laughed or if they seemed offended.

Daughters do have a habit of saying 'Mother!!' in a certain tone of voice

A bit on the critical side tbh, but have found that our DC generation just are....some more than others.I see nothing wrong in any of your comments at all.
Why are some 30 somethings so inhibited I wonder?

I kinda feel they are but who am I to judge? What do they sound like to you?

Yes, carry on regardless!

Melanie If I said things like that, my family would take the p* out of me and we'd all have a good laugh! ?
Carry on and just tell them not to be ridiculous!

Are they?

Jalima1108 I'm picking up that you think my girls are hypercritical/ Am I right?

Melanie

At least you know now for next time you have a family gathering

You can remain absolutely silent and then they will all be worrying if you're OK.
The occasional remark about the weather could be in order but perhaps that could mean that the baby is too warm/too cold/inappropriately dressed for the climate.

UPDATE!!!

I been given examples of inappropriate remarks.

1. We were at a dining table with a large number of family and friends when I asked my daughter if having her baby was the hardest thing she'd ever done.

2. I asked my grandson if he sees much of his old school friend and neighbour who came out as gay about five years ago.

3. I go on and on about how I am amazed by how good a father my daughter's husband is to the baby and not mentioning that apparently ALL the fathers were good.

4. I keep saying how much like my mother the baby looks which is apparently unflattering to the baby. I was thinking of eyes and expression, not wrinkles and big nose, in my defence.

These combined with my loud voice make me sound like a nightmare.

amt101I have a London accent too, when I hear my voice played back sound very much like pauline quirk i birds of a feather

I've been told I make inappropriate comments too and have a local London accent. Oh dear. I only say as I see and what I see has changed so much and not always for the better.

Oh melanie I wish you lived near me,we could have such fun days out ,I too am an embarassing tongue in cheek kinda gal,I love to laugh over harmless things ,never unkind or at other people...my lovely son is long suffering when we are out ,but we have a similar sense of humour....it is E my 18year old resident GD, that would rather hide in the bus station for half an hour till the next bus( she thinks I didnt know this ..I saw her) rather than be on the same bus...I will chat to anyone ...well they chat to me,I am a good lustner I just throw in a few oohs and aahs and well I nevers...and they always say how nice it was that they met me and thank you for the chat.....and guess what E's bus was cut out so she had to wait an hour...serve her right and it started to rain....