Gransnet forums

Gransnet cafe

Welcome to the *Gransnet Café. This is a non-judgemental space for you to pop in for a cuppa with some virtual friends, seek out advice for a particular problem, or share an update on your life - important or trivial. Feel free to have your say and chat about your day, but please leave any arguments at the door. If you're struggling to find someone to talk to in real life, or are simply looking for a bit of a chat, this is the place for you.


(106 Posts)
Melanie Sat 15-Apr-17 17:19:16

Well I have been told by my daughters that I have a loud voice sad. They are always telling me to Ssssh. I had no idea! 70 years old and no one every told me. I do not have a hearing problem so it's not that. Checking with my youngest and kindest daughter last night I asked her "Is it true?" She told me "Yes" I have a loud voice and make inappropriate comments which are embarrassing blush

I love my daughters to bits and am deeply hurt by this. sad If my natural voice is loud how do I keep it down? I mean I can for a while but then how I've always spoken drifts back. Inappropriate comments? I've no idea what they mean. hmm

rosesarered Sat 15-Apr-17 17:25:10

Hi Melanie welcome to the
Well, I would ask a friend to be honest and to tell you if you are really loud or not.
As to inappropriate comments, today's young are often very PC, and if you know you aren't saying anything actually wrong then I would ask them to tell you what did they think in particular was 'innapropriate'?

thatbags Sat 15-Apr-17 17:25:36

Ask them what kind of comment? Ask them to tell you as soon as possible about things you say that embarass them.

Alima Sat 15-Apr-17 17:25:38

Do come and talk to me Melanie. My ears aren't too good and I am for ever having chatty conversations not having a clue what the other person is saying. I appreciate someone who speaks up!

thatbags Sat 15-Apr-17 17:26:01

x posts, roses.

Melanie Sat 15-Apr-17 17:45:11

Here's an example of a comment I made that brought a barrage of shushes from all of them. My daughter was trying to give her baby its bottle (we were out at a DO) and baby wasn't having it because he didn't like it cold. My daughter went off to find some hot water to heat it up and the barman was looking interested so I said "Young Man" with a smile intending to ask him for some hot water. Oh the "shushes" I got from "Young Man"!! He pitched in and helped however, but my popularity went through the floor.

Ana Sat 15-Apr-17 17:48:14

You sound like fun, Melanie! grin

Grannyknot Sat 15-Apr-17 17:54:54

Melanie my daughter also tells me to "keep it down" or "we don't want the whole bus to listen". I don't get upset though I say "Oops sorry" and then I whisper and she rolls her eyes and we laugh.

She doesn't complain about inappropriate comments though ... Gransnet has taught me to be PC! grin

Welcome if you're new.

Melanie Sat 15-Apr-17 18:02:46

They seem very thin skinned to me, but that attitude's not going to help. I want them to love me and enjoy my company, so thin skinned or not I've got to fix it! wink

Jalima1108 Sat 15-Apr-17 18:11:43

Have a giggle Melanie wink

janeainsworth Sat 15-Apr-17 18:52:01

Jalima grin

melanie tell your Ds that here in the north-east 'young man' is used as a term of endearment.
Especially to old men grin

Jalima1108 Sat 15-Apr-17 19:01:20

Next time shout Garçon very loudly in a French accent.

DH always talks very loudly though, and I find myself saying 'shhh' quite often grin

Ana Sat 15-Apr-17 19:18:21

I always think of the Harry Enfield and Kathy Burke sketches whenever I hear Young Man...or rather Young Maaan

Eloethan Sat 15-Apr-17 19:41:16

Jalima That's such a funny sketch.

Melanie I think I would want to know exactly what are the sort of things you say and do that makes your family feel uncomfortable. If the "young man" comment is a typical example, I don't understand what is so embarrassing about it. Have you asked them?

Jalima1108 Sat 15-Apr-17 20:12:49

It's better than shouting 'Oi, You!'

BlueBelle Sat 15-Apr-17 20:37:17

Be you Melanie you ve been you all your life why should you change now if nothing has been said all these years you can't be that bad

Isn't it our job to embarrass children and grand children

Melanie Sun 16-Apr-17 11:02:48

Well if it's my job to embarrass my children and grandchildren I think I'm successful. I am going to wait until after Easter to ask for specific examples of inappropriate comments (I can't think of any) then I will post them on here.

My OH doesn't think I have a loud voice or make inappropriate comments and tells me to put it out of my mind!! grin

I will be back.

Nelliemoser Sun 16-Apr-17 21:02:47

Melanie It is very difficult to tell someone that they are talking too loudly and it maybe that no one has mentioned it to you because they do not want to appear to be rude.
A group I attend has someone who speaks so loudly it is uncomfortable and to be honest it is very difficult when you are trying to have a conversation within a group.

Have you had a hearing check? Could it be that you are not hearing as well as you should be so you talk louder than necessary. Talk honestly to you most amenable daughter and see if she can help you with this.

BlueBelle Sun 16-Apr-17 22:38:34

Melanie clearly says she doesn't have a hearing problem Nellie

Badenkate Mon 17-Apr-17 08:29:28

My first teaching job was at a rural school and many of the children seemed to naturally talk loudly. The staff agreed that it was the result of having to shout from one end of a field to the other.

travelsafar Mon 17-Apr-17 09:28:12

my sister and i had this problem with our mum who was hard of hearing. She also made inappropriate comments. It is very embarrassing at the time but now she has died my sister and i often dissolve into fits of laughter remembering the things she would say and do. I think it is a part of growing old. I find myself shouting at the radio and tv and sometimes not caring what others think of me. I believe my mum felt this too as she often said she had lived most of her life with a strict mother and two husbands who disappointed her and she had to keep quite over so many things. Once she was on her own she wasnt answerable to anyone only her self.

minxie Mon 17-Apr-17 09:35:46

Sometimes my friend is very loud and she has no idea she is doing it. I have told her a few times to turn the volume down, it hurts your ears but other times she is fine. Even her daughter tell her. It's just the way she is

radicalnan Mon 17-Apr-17 09:38:51

Wecome to the group and hats off to you for being both loud and disconcerting........I have to work really hard to keep my scores up.

Trouble with the young is (apart from them being young nd full of energy) the silent communication they are used to, texts and FB etc. where they can delete things...........

Be who you are, got them this far haven't you?

One day they will long for your voice and adopt all your mannerisms, for which, they in turn wil be told off.

One girl's loud voice is another girl's clear diction.........

EmilyHarburn Mon 17-Apr-17 09:47:03

Melanie were you a teacher? One of my husband's friends who comes to visit from time to time was a teacher and speaks very loudly all the time. She sometimes runs art groups. If anybody asks for her I point towards the group and say she is the one who is speaking the loudest.

My grandma always told us as children not to speak like 'fish wives'. She had us say in soft toned, clear voices 'Papa, potatoes, prunes and prisms.' We soon learned not to speak like 'fish wives' no lack of respect meant for the fish wife calling her wares in the street.

Yorkshiregel Mon 17-Apr-17 10:00:55

Maybe your voice has got louder because your hearing is getting worse? People tend to talk louder when they have a headset on and this is the same affect. Don't worry about it.