Touching a stranger's baby

No! I would never touch another person's baby or child without their permission! I smile at children and babies, I can't help it, but I would not touch them, uninvited.

Newatthis - I was responding to Granny3Rose, not to your post. Touching a baby, when you already know her mother, on her little woolly toe sounds perfectly ok to me. I'm surprised your daughter thought you shouldn't have done it.

Jalima precisely the reason I have always told them they don’t have to do it. Indeed parents now are encouraged to make it clear from an early age that a child’s no to unnecessary touching should be respected.

It’s not rude to not like or want someone, anyone, all up in your personal space.

I appreciate other folk are different!!

but they’ve never been made to hug anyone,
I think that's sensible.

Feeling that they must hug someone even if they don't want to could set a dangerous precedent.

I don't mind, it depends on the touching.

When we were out for a meal a while ago we got chatting to the couple on the next table, very amicable conversation. When we left, the man pulled me down for a peck on the cheek. I didn't like it very much, but I wouldn't have minded if he'd patted me on the arm and said 'bye', nice to chat to you.

Are you used to being touched by strangers without warning or your agreement, and are you ok with it?

Not being facetious: if you are, then you probably do have different social boundaries than the folk who have a different view on this thread.

I don’t accept people touching me without warning - in the case of the very few people I’m ok with touching me - and I apply the same to my little ones until they are old enough to decide for themselves. If they offer to hug someone, I’m absolutely fine with it (their decision!) but they’ve never been made to hug anyone, including me.

Touching a baby's toe for a nano second (on a foot that is covered by woolly tights) with the tip of my forefinger is now comparable with men groping women???? - please - on what planet?

Newatthis I feel that if any mother would have thought that this was inappropriate then it is she that has the problem, not me!

I was responding to your post and pointing out that as a society, we no longer accept that men are entitled to grope attractive women and, therefore, shouldn’t the same courtesy be applied to babies? They are not public property no matter how cute they look. ??‍♀️

I am not sure who Craicon or Elrel is responding to but I know my daughter's neighbour very well and she (nor the baby) is a stranger to me. That's not to say that either of you are wrong. Strangers should never touch babies or anyone else for that matter.

If a friend I was with did that I hope I'd be confident enough to tell her she shouldn't do it, as I would if she was eating grapes on display in the supermarket. I saw a group of female students doing that and wished I'd said something.

If a strange man came up and grabbed your hand or patted your cheek just because you’d smiled at him, would that be ok with you?
Babies are not public property so it’s completely inappropriate to think you have the right to touch anyone’s else’s child without being invited to.

Although I do think what your friend did was totally inappropriate.

Yes, I am guiltyas charged! I saw my daughter's neighbour coming out of her apartment block with her 1 year old, fully cladded out (i.e. with no skin showing except for her face) and I touched the baby's toe (once, she was wearing tights) with my forefinger and said "Wow, look how pretty you are" The touch lasted for a fraction of a second and I was told off by my daughter (afterwards) for touching the baby and indicated that some mothers don't like their baby to be touched. I feel that if any mother would have thought that this was inappropriate then it is she that has the problem, not me!

x post - sorry MMB I was agreeing with your earlier post, not the one about you being judgemental and possibly argumentative - you're not!

I am off out too.
Going to squeeze DGD's knee.

And breaking their arm would be......?
A normal reaction by the sounds of it these days.

I agree, Maggiemaybe

The Gransnet Café:
This is a non-judgemental space for you to pop in for a cuppa with some virtual friends, seek out advice for a particular problem, or share an update on your life - important or trivial. Feel free to have your say and chat about your day, but please leave any arguments at the door. If you're struggling to find someone to talk to in real life, or are simply looking for a bit of a chat, this is the place for you.

Non-judgemental!
Perhaps GNHQ could move this thread to AIBU?

Just because I would like to squeeze a baby's chubby little knee doesn't mean I would
(don't want a broken arm to add to my problems)

Sorry, I’m being judgemental and possibly argumentative myself in this non-judgemental space. I’m off out for the day anyway so will back off.

I don’t somehow think Jo Cox would have put her name to the Gransnet Cafe.

And breaking their arm would be......?

I’m amazed that some people think that what this woman did was sort of ok and well intentioned. She didn’t “touch the baby” she rubbed the child’s chest and abdomen which I find incredible. She then went on in that awful passive aggressive way to pass her opinion on the parents’ behaviour.
If someone I didn’t know, for example, touched my arm in a supermarket that would be ok, probably. If someone I didn’t know rubbed my chest and abdomen...? That would be assault.

Friendship however long or short should be two ways. Seems you are only one compromising allowing her to treat you that way. Sadly probably if you tried to speak to her she would only see it her way. Only you can decide if you want this negatively in your life.

Happysexagenarian, I remember my babies being given coins by strangers too, and actually being touched (gasp) and oddly, never felt the need to break someone’s arm for doing so. It’s not something I’d do these days (the touching or the arm breaking) but a few of the responses on what is supposed to be our non-judgemental space are nothing short of depressing. If I were struggling to find someone to talk to in real life, I don’t think this thread would be helping.

Happysexagenarian My eldest is 33 so I guess Born in the same decade as your son, and I don’t remember anyone then still leaving babies outside shops in buggies/prams? I certainly would never have done so. but I do know that my parents generation (1960’s babies) did do this I am sure it was not common place by the mid 1980’s.
As for touching someone else’s baby I would not do this and would have been horrified if this had happened to me as a parent or recently as a grandparent.

I don't think you should ever touch another person's baby. The thing about not taking a baby out in the evening is an old idea, before I was born my parents had another child who died in infancy, my grandmother always said it was because they took her out in the evening.
As for your friend, do you really enjoy her company?She certainly seems to dominate you, why else would you feel that you couldn't say anything about her touching the baby? Drop her, find other friends.

I have to say I find the responses to this thread very sad. When did we all become so neurotic about approaches and interactions with strangers, and well-meant gestures towards children!?

When my DS was a few months old (35 years ago) he was in his pram outside a local shop (something else we all did at that time), as I returned to the pram a very elderly lady was 'cooing' to him and he was holding her finger and gurgling much to her delight. She asked how old he was and his name, I told her and she said he had the same name as her father. She then opened her purse and took out a 2p coin and put it in my son's hand "to bring him good fortune" she said. Judging by her clothes she could ill afford it, but it was a common custom in those days. I thanked her warmly and we went our separate ways. I put the coin in a small box where it was later joined by a lock of DS's hair and his first lost tooth. Never for a moment did I think that that lady's kindness and generosity was inappropriate or wrong, and it was perhaps a special moment in her day as it was in mine.

Today a new mother would probably be horrified, maybe even aggressive, and throw the coin away in case it had 'germs' on it. If I was that little old lady I know which response I would prefer. Yes, of course we must keep our children safe, but they don't need to live in a sterile environment, wrapped in cotton wool and growing up believing all strangers are dangerous. Let's be sensible about this !

As for OP's friend, I'm sure it was a kindly and well-meant gesture. In her day young babies were probably not taken to late evening events which prompted her comments. Granny3rose you have known your friend for many years and it seems she has been a good friend when you needed one, so if you want to continue meeting her go ahead, but perhaps gently point out that her touchy-feely and outspoken approach may not be welcomed by today's parents!

Perhaps next time you meet your friend, you should tell her that you were shocked at what she did. I hope you will find a way to change the dynamics of this friendship. Best wishes.