Anxious

My prayers are with all of you privately grieving during the Holiday Season. I’m not sure what my issue is with the Season but I find myself crying over every Christmas song, movie, commercial, etc... I can hardly handle going to church without crying. Nothing in my background explains this. I am an easy cry anyway but this is a very sad cry. This has been going on for some 40 years so not new and not depression. Nostalgia? I love Christmas and should be happy over Christ’s birthday not sobbing over every sparkly beautiful ornament.

MissAdventure my thoughts are with you. Our son died on 3rd of December 11 years ago I dont remember that first christmas at all as I was so numb . The second Christmas was terrible as he had loved Christmas and even at the age of 29 as he was on his last Christmas he revelled in in and wanted us to keep to all the old family traditions. All I could do was sit tight smile for others and get through it. The years have made it a bit easier but it still hurts like hell that he is not with us. To all who have suffered a loss or had other problems may peace be with you this Christmas.

downtoearth what I did the first Christmas after my husband left which I was glad I did, was to send cards out early so as to tell people who didn't already know because they didn't live locally. This cut dismissively on the cards that came addressed to both of us. I asked him to do likewise to people who were friends of his. Of course he didn't so I sent to them with a copy of the letter. Kind friends invited us for Christmas dinner and it was ok. Another year we all went and helped at a church Christmas dinner for those on their own. Last year I went to my sons which I'll be doing again this year.
Its different but I've been blown away how kind people have been, and I hope that that happens to you too

For everyone who has lost dear ones Christmas can be very hard and I feel for you all.

I have found, and I hope others will too, that as time passes, the sense of loss remains, but the pain does become less raw. I hope this is true for all of you,

OP am I right in thinking it was only last Christmas you lost your husband? If so, this year will be hard for you, and I hope you feel able to take the advice already given to mention to your family and friends that right now you are really feeling your loss and still mourning.

Mourning is a process that takes time - how much is different from one person and set of circumstances to another.

I know what you mean when you say that no one wants someone sad around, but really we should be able to accept sadness in connection with death and mourning.

I imagine your family and friends don't feel comfortable mentioning your loss, or asking how you are coping, because you are so good at putting on a brave face. Could you try being a little less brave?

I am always overwhelmed by a sense of sadness as Christmas begins to invade the normality of life. I have never suffered such a heart wrenching loss and cannot imagine how those of you who have such a deep pain do cope. Although I have known immeasurably loneliness in the past I feel I am lucky to have all my family in my life, even though I dont see them often. I wish you all comfort and hope the season passes quickly for you.

Cathy21
I saw you say that you are in hospital, and will need a care package.
Ask to speak to the hospital social worker, and keep asking until you've seen them.
They will be able to help set up any help you need, and are your best chance of seeing someone who can.
Once you're discharged, if nothing is in place, you're likely to slip through the net.
Wishing you better.

It's going to be difficult for our family this year. Normally we have 10 here for the day. This year our son, his wife, and children are going to her parents. That leaves our daughter and her family. Sadly she found out last week that her husband was having an affair and she has filed for divorce. She and he two little ones will come to us on Christmas Day but the day with be tinged with sadness.

For varying reasons, not all are up for good cheer and robins at Christmas, and the season to be jolly seems to last such a long time.
Don’t even try to put a mask on, unless there are young children around.
Have a quiet contemplative Christmas or indulge yourself with favourite music, tv and food, or do a bit of both.
So sorry for all who are battling with grief and loss.

So much pain and heartache no one knows what lies ahead. Yes I have family but lost some too I grieve still for my brother who died at 37 and I treasure every Christmas memory and photo. Hugs and love to you all x

This is my first time of posting, tho I have ‘lurked’ for a while. But this post really got to me. It seems there are so many of us having lost a child in the past....I also lost my eldest daughter ..aged eight...many years ago now and not at Christmas. However, from that day on Christmas changed for me. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her, but I don’t actually find Christmas itself any more difficult than any other day. For me, time (and my other children, and now grandchildren) has been a healer,......and I just get through the festive period as best I can. My heart goes out to you all. It’s like belonging to a very exclusive club, that no one wants to join, xxx

I'm exactly the same unfortunately Lucky Legs. I lost my husband of nearly 50 years last year, and I feel as if half of me is missing. My daughter, (our Son died), has 4 children and works full time in a stressful job, also 2 of the lads play rugby every weekend, so I'm squeezed in whenever, which is usually once every 2-3 weeks for an hour, and I can tell she'd rather be elsewhere, and I am merely ticking off one of her boxes, for conscience sake! I do understand she is very busy, but if I ring her she is usually in the middle of some thing, & made to feel a nuisance, she never rings me unless she wants something, but am truly blessed to have many friends, especially my sister-in-law, but as you rightly said, we put on a brave face, then quietly go to pieces with the sheer loneliness of it all. I miss having someone of my very own, to laugh with, go places with etc as I did with my husband. Reading every ones posts does make you realise that there are many others in similar situations, not sure if this is a comfort, or whether it makes me even more sad at the cruelty and finality of death! I was always an optimist, but now reading this back, I feel a proper 'Moaning Minnie'

Barbs1 .... if you google over 50 Meet Up Groups, they are in many areas now. I’ve had some lovely get togethers with them, music concerts, theatre, meals out, Seafront walks etc they plan something for everyone plus you can suggest something that you’d like to do and there’s bound to be others that share your interests. I travel with the singles Co “ Just You” and you are truly spoilt for choice with options of where to go. We are looked after so well and I have met new friends, but especially 2 who am still in touch with, been to stay with etc I feel as if I’ve known them forever, such lovely ladies and I’ve had such good fun with them. Good luck ...

Fran

I am so sorry Luckylegs9 that you are feeling this pain. Allow yourself to grieve, to miss that special someone. It's ok to be like that.

Could you perhaps share these feelings with your family and friends instead of trying to hide them? Just so they know. If you prefer to keep these feelings inside then that's ok too, but others knowing might allow them to help you through.

I feel so much for those of you who have lost a son or daughter. I lost my younger daughter to suicide almost 9: years ago,leaving two young daughters who are now 13 and 11. I rarely see them as they live 300 miles away. They do now have a lovely step mum and are growing up in a loving family. That keeps me going,but the pain will never go away . I also lost my DH 10 years ago.
I am able to spend Christmas Day with my elder daughter ,her husband( who will have been at work in
A and E all night) and my two local grandchildren.
Christmas can never be the same for me, or my daughter , but we aim for a happy day with the children . Very unlikely to see my older granddaughters ,as their Dad may well have to work over Christmas and the distance makes it difficult .

trendygran I am so sorry , your grandchildren were babies, your poor daughter

For the few who are believing and active Christians I can well imagine that Christmas is a happy time.

Otherwise Christmas means that if you are not merry you are not normal: which is a Big Lie.

I haven't lost a child or husband as many here have.
But I do find Christmas a trial and often feel very lonely.Both my parents died within a year of each other and because they always came to my house the place seems empty even though others are there.
I have a photo of them in the kitchen while I get dinner ready and always have a toast to absent loved ones at dinner.
It helps a bit and I like to think it helps others who are missing a loved one and no one has mentioned it. I still go off and have a cry at some point in the day,but we all cope as best we can. Whether it on our own or surrounded by other folk.

Alexa do you mean you think Christians don’t grieve ?

Not necessarily so, Alexa. Whether you are Christian, of another faith or none, grief is grief and with it comes all sorts of emotions which can be and often are amplified at times such as Christmas.

I just send love to everyone who like me are going to have a very difficult time at Christmas. After losing a loved one at this time I cannot believe it will ever be a happy time again. Be strong and put on that brave face. We will get through it.
I wish it could be different for all of you. XXX

Although I haven’t lost my partner, I lost my mum 2 years ago, she was only 68. I have 2 children under 10 and I try my best for them. I so completely understand the feelings of those who have lost someone dear to them as these thoughts are certainly amplified at Christmas, and the loss feels so much deeper somehow, the longer my mums gone, the more I seem to miss her as it’s longer since I’ve seen her if that makes sense. Wishing you all strength over the Christmas period, I know my mum and expect your missed loved ones would want us to try and enjoy the season, so I will paint that smile on and do my best. X

Feel so much for you. Losing a child must be unbearable. I had the opposite, lost my mum when I was a child. Just before Christmas, too. The ding-dong happiness we are supposed to feel at this time of year still jars with me. Sending love to you.

Thank you ???

Sometimes I find the lead up to Christmas much worse than the actual day. My only son died many years ago and each day its hard but at Christmas time it can be dreadful. Christmas to me can be a very happy time for some but for those with something not right it seems to highlight it with a very bright beacon over the roof of the house. I just say to myself that "its just a day." But the lead up for weeks before for me is the difficult part. Big hugs to you all. I am trying to keep busy, I am painting!