Anxious

My son died in late spring this year, totally unexpected and out of the blue. How I shall cope with Christmas season I really do not know. Tears flow every day and do not lessen in intensity or frequency. Christmas Day itself will be torture as it was also his Birthday. I keep reminding myself to buy his Birthday Card when I go shopping and then remember I will never buy one again for him.

Oh, nanalounet... my heart goes out to you. There are no words, no words at all, that can comfort you. Christmas, with all its fussing and family-togetherness makes it so terribly hard for those who have lost a loved one. Someone who should be here with us now.
A warm, though virtual hug to everyone suffering this way just now. Xx

oodles I have written all the cards last sunday,when life was normal,it is a week today since the rug wad pulled from under me,Ihave thought about the community free christmas lunch,and also volunteering for it,my birthday also falls in the middle of christmas and new year,plans made for his sister to come and celebrate with me will be cancelled,and then new year ,the anniversary of my daughters death on the 3rd of january,and also that of my dad.
I shall put the tree up,and buy presents for my DGD who I had custody of after the death of my daughter,but she does live in care work and is working away that week.
My son and his partner and my new 5mth old beautiful grandaughter have made their plans ,I will not tell them as I dont want to spoil their first christmas as a family together.
Love and hugs sent to you all in the same position,a thread on GN will help us all who are alone xxx

I think Christmas can be incredibly difficult for many people esp such as yourself having gone through such an incredibly tough time Luckylegs ... after all it's very much based on a nostalgic theme (old christmas songs, programmes and movies on TV so why wouldn't it make you anxious?). Plus all the depictions of happy families all together. I honestly feel for you and hope you manage to 'get through' it all with your emotions intact. I personally hate it all and so does my DH. We're going abroad this year and although I know you can't avoid it completely, at least we won't have to put up with the "maudling" atmosphere that seems to dominate the UK at this time of year. Do you have a friend/friends in similar situations to yourself Luckylegs? If so, could this be a thought for you too? (even getting away to somewhere else in the UK for Christmas will get you away from your 'emotional connections'). Sending hugs 2U right now

Dear Nanalounet I am SO SO sorry to hear your tragic news, especially as a mother myself, surely what you've been through this past few months must be the single most torturous experience ever! I've lost three brothers to cancer over the past six years and that makes any 'occasion' even more difficult to bear (but to lose your son - like Marelli's earlier comment "I have no words"!!!) Please know that there are one's out here who would love to put a comforting arm around you and give you a huge hug. Although nothing can make your grief go away, I really hope that you find much comfort in knowing others really do care. Sending you love and empathy right now xxx

Nitpick49 Brilliant!!! Good for you - great to hear and I hope will be very encouraging for lots of peeps on here

flowers] for all those who have lost loved ones and for whom Christmas must be a trial to be endured.

The sadness is all the more poignant when we see the Christmas ads - all families and jollity. For so many, it's not like that and never can be.

Thinking of you all.

The one thing to remember as you catch glimpses of families sitting in their front room around a roaring fire and brightly lit tree is you can be certain that only about 10% or less are actually as happy as they seem to be. Even in the most crowded rooms there are probably about a quarter of them fighting back tears because someone in the family has just had a go at them, and another quarter fighting back storming out because someone in that room had a go at them months ago... :D

Yes, it's called putting a brave face on it, isn't it? When all's said and done it's just one day out of many. Luckily I'll be spending it with sister and her family. I try not to be the grinchy widow in the corner and join in quizzes, games, pull crackers, wear a paper crown, etc. I'm thankful for this family gathering. to all those who are alone.

When you lose someone after a long happy relationship it is so painful, but even worse would be not to have a happy relationship to look back on. Memories can bring a lot of tears, but hopefully smiles and laughter too. My husband died two and a half years ago and my brother a year ago (one Christmas Day) but I'm lucky to have family to spend the day with and dogs to come home to in the evening. I don't know how I would manage living on my own without a pet - they bring so much comfort. Life is such a complex journey and we must try and savour the time we have left. The hospice were my husband died run bereavement groups and I am still in touch with the one I went to and it is wonderful to have someone on the end of the phone who understands and doesn't need you to put on a brave face.

I am so touched by all you wonderful people. This is my second year without my husband, but I will have all my family staying for three weeks and am so grateful for this.

I have just lost my only Niece who was age 30. She died on the 22nd November with cancer. She was only diagnosed in July 18. The funeral is this Thursday. She has left 3 children age 2, 4, and 6. At least when we loose a husband which I have some years ago. We have lots of lovely memories. I feel so sad for these children and their Dad to be without their Mummy this Christmas.

My message may be brief, but my sympathy is deep and heartfelt, for all of you suffering so much grief and loss at this time of year

mooMOO I am so deeply sorry, such heartache

anniebach and Mapleleaf, apologies for not saying it as I meant it. Certainly Christians grieve as anyone else does.

I mean that for Christians, Christmas has a happy meaning over and above the conventional Christmas merrymaking.

Readymeals, I do like your post!

Alexa thank you for explaining, I couldn’t work out what you meant. Yes for me the Birth of The Christ Child comes above all else . When I say I don’t want to celebrate Christmas I mean the tree and tinsel, I will still give thanks for his birth and know Christians throughout the world are sharing this with me

Readymeals that was well said. This thread reminds all of us that Christmas can be a private agony for some people, made more difficult if you don't want to spoil others' joy. "Whatever gets us through the day" is my wish for all of us and I hope everyone gets some kind of little unexpected lift from an unexpected source over the festive season. Small kindnesses all round and the understanding that some people do just want to be alone with treasured memories.

Sunday 9th December - Worldwide Candle Lighting Day

At 7.00pm light a candle in memory of your child and to honour the memory all children who have died but will never be forgotten

Thank you for explaining, Alexa. I'm sorry I misunderstood you.

Yes i too have lost a lot of loved ones
At this time of year. .
Lost my beloved husband 3 years ago
So sad.. My DD gave birth to my first DGS in march light of my life..
But when i close my door so lonely not for company but inside me?! ...
So we will just smile and pretend till we are alone .. Wishing you all the very best