Why can't they cope?

I think Breeze hit the nail on the head that young people have a sense of entitlement these days.

When i used to take out my baby in pram or pushchair I was very careful where I went and apologised often for being in the way. These days I have been actively rammed by young women who feel they are entitled to a) have as many children as they want, b) take then anywhere they want, c) allow them to make as much noise as they want even if it affects people around them. I could go on but as Annie says we are the parents who brought these children up.

When I was at school and I misbehaved, which was often, I would not dare go home and tell my dad. When I was a teacher and I chastised a child for doing something wrong I would have the parent marching up to the school to complain about my behaviour.

Hi all this is my first post on here i think this generation of mothers can be a bit lazy at times and seem to lack the get up and go that i had while raising my four children.i love my grandchildren they mean the world to me,but i regularly have them so their parents can go shopping,so they can give the house a good clean or have one of them so they dont have to take them down the school to pick up their older sibling! This is all inbetween my part time job!I had 4 under the age of 5 and i had no help i just had to crack on and get on with it.dare i say it? But i think this generation of mothers have it far easier now.

I used to live in a shoebox

It is a coincidence that I was only speaking to my best friend this week about how ‘entitled’ our children/their partners are and is it because we are control freaks. Young people want everything ‘now’. She said although we are both control freaks it is not just us and that it seems to be a trend now to over protect our children to the point of running their lives. Instead of saying ‘You had them get on with it’ as my father would’ve said to me; we step in with financial assistance, childcare, doing their paperwork, impersonating them so they don’t have to be troubled in their work day with phone calls to set up insurance or whatever and much more. We worry that if they can’t cope they’ve got a disorder we have to put a name on (yes I do know some disorders are very serious and some do suffer dreadfully). If we don’t blame it on something we beat ourselves up that we are bad parents. Putting a name on it means they/we couldn’t help it.

Every parent wants ‘better’ for their children but I think it’s gone too far and some parents are causing damage by not letting them stand on their own too feet. I am guilty of this I know so I’m not criticising btw. And it’s difficult to suddenly pop up with some tough love if they’re not used to it. I’ve lost count of the times I have said to my children ‘what WILL you do when we’re not around’.

I adored my father but he was a very strict, almost cruel at times, parent. But I thank him now for the self sufficiency I had from a young age (and my good posture. If he caught me slouching he would wrench my shoulders back!). He instilled a good work ethic (he would tip my mattress up so I fell on the floor if I didn’t get up!) and would run his finger over the top of the door to check for dust if he saw us loafing around when he got in from work. He was raised in a very strict household of 8 children and although I’m sure my grandmother loved them all she used to beat them with a broom! And watched them go off to war. That must have been hell. One of my uncles didn't come back in one piece. Apart from some exceptions, we do seem to be raising a generation of late maturers who ‘want it all’. We are so frightened something will happen if we don't step in. When I think of the freedom I had. The pendulum needs to swing back a little bit in the other direction perhaps. Although not quite as far as beating them with a broom

Paddyann your discovery that parents are not to blame reminds me of the wonderful family therapist we were assigned to when one of my ACs was being treated for an eating disorder.
Exasperated one day he looked me in the eye and said "Read my lips. IT'S. NOT. YOUR. FAULT!"

I don't think the parents of today are as willing to put up with things the way we did.
I mentioned that a lady I knew had numerous children and lived in a tiny house and they managed to turn out just fine. A young parent responded that she would not live in such a tiny house and definitely not with that number of children. This young woman wanted a 4 bed detached and nothing else would do. She is still living with that dream.
The young people want bigger houses and are not prepared to start small. They don't want to start with n older car they want new or almost new. A lot of families seem to have everything but actually nothing because it is all on credit and they are struggling to pay.
Both have to work and that does not make them any happier. They moan about aspects of that.
They also see nothing wrong with expecting handouts from parents and actively try to get "inheritance in advance" They expect grandparents to babysit whenever they wish whether or not the Grandparents have other things like medical appointments or even just social plans.
If all this is not complied with the next threat is NC.
What a way to live.

Barbs1, AD is adult daughter. There is a list of acronyms/initials at the top of the page. Not sure if AD is on there. Welcom!

I’ll give you an example of what is a really difficult situation. My daughter has MS and a young child. She never complains is very happy and appreciative of what we do to care for her and her child

I agree with Iam64 Each generation has its own issues to deal with. Bringing up children is hard. It was hard in our day and it's hard now. I am happy I can give my daughter the help I didn't have when my children were young and I think she is a much better parent than I ever was, more patient ,more informed and super caring.

My friends son is a policeman and seems to spend most of his day texting and ringing her.
The mind boggles.

I have a friend with 4 adult daughters, who is constantly checking her phone for messages from them. Asking for advice on trivial day to day questions. They all have degrees and responsible jobs. She loves it, the rest of us roll our eyes in despair.

I don't think I could cope with being a modern parent! the demands are huge with social media, the expectations about milestones etc, constantly feeling inadequate due to far too may comparisons with others and wait till they get to school when the parents are bombarded with text messages, filling online forms about what the kids want for dinner - everything seems micromanaged! I had five children to bring up (three of mine and two step children) and we managed it somehow, plus I was running a cafe too. It was hard work but fun.

Tell her stop moaning and don't do as much for her or when will she ever learn.
Clearly we were tougher, I had three boys under four years of age, my husband worked away for 6 months and during that time I had to pack everything for our move to a different part of the country on my own, no problem, just got on with it (without a car) I took three on the bus frequently, walked mile and a half to village for shopping, one in the pram, one one sitting on a pram seat and the other in my hand and the shopping in the pram tray underneath the beautiful coach built Silver Cross which my father bought as a gift when our first son was born. Your daughter doesn't know she's born, perhapsd spoiled.

Goodness Crafty that sou ds like a very different life to the one I lived. My husband worked long hours while I stayed home with 3 under 5's then I did an evening job while he put them to bed. My mother (now in her nineties) also worked full time when I was growing up. My sister and I regularly ame home from secondary school and set to peeling vegetables for dinner.

I actually believe the parents make them like this. I was never mollycoddled (loved yes) and have always been independent. I see other parents doing everything for their grown up children - i find it ridiculous to be honest. My son’s partner does everything for my 3 grandsons. They won’t eat normal food. Don’t like eggs, cheese, milk, vegetables or almost anything that isn’t loaded with sugar. At mealtimes they all have individual meals, depending on what they want and they are so overindulged materially it’s quite sickening. They have no manners and speak to their parents in the most appalling way. My son says it’s because of social media and youtube. I just find it very sad as from what i gather so many children are like this now. It’s almost as if their childhood has been taken from them and how can they not grow up to be overindulged, overgrown children?

Sorry I’m new to this site, and very interested in everyone’s comments but what does AD mean please? Thank you

I actually feel sorry for this generation. The rise is house prices has forced women out to work whereas when I had my first son at age of 22 I automatically left work until both children went to secondary school when I took a part time job. I did not know any other mum who worked.
We had a great time- we used to walk the children in prams down to park & play tennis while they slept. We had coffee mornings etc, joined squash club, mother & baby outings. The children had all their time with Mum & grew up happy & well balanced. We socialised at weekends with our partners too & it was the happiest time of my life.
I have spent so many hours comforting young mums in the at work when they are overwhelmed by having to leave a crying child at Nursery or minder. I think this generation has it tough-I couldn't have left my babies with strangers or even with relatives. It would have broken my heart.

Perhaps its talking about the concerns that makes her feel better and that we don't need to do anything other than listen. We don't need to solve anyone else's problems.

Maybe people today just talk more about how hard it is - just the same as we are doing on this thread.

It doesn't really matter much that the things we complain about are different.

In order to get work, we lived away from both sets of parents and just had to cope.
I envied my sisters who lived near home.

I’d like to add a word of praise for my AC who copes with personal illness, a stressful job and 2 teenagers (one with Aspergers) and lives over 200 miles away. She rings up on the way home from work to chat, ask how we are and sometimes have a moan, but she says it gets it off her chest before she gets home to the teens. I don’t mind.

Lived at other end of country to both families when children born. Husband work variable hours each day often being away for nights and a couple of weeks at a time. Had 2 and a half year old then twins. No car even though able to drive. How did I cope, just got on with it. Walked everywhere as couldn't access public transport with twin pushchair in those days. Went out in the evening very rarely
Parents and PIL used to visit for a holiday, both sets were late 60s in age and certainly didn't do babysitting. The children, home etc I saw as my responsibility as how could DH do anything at least on a regular basis when he was away working most of the time. There is a lot of external influence nowadays to have a certain style of life but there always has been for each generation. Now I feel that there is though so much publicity on our Rights that being responsible for ourselves has disappeared. Yes we are the ones who reared these adults but a whole lot of others have had even more influence on their lives.

I do think some young parents today seem to expect to have 'free time', date nights, etc. When my son was young we had no family around as DH was in the forces and we were away from home. We didn't have a proper night out for a very very long time. DH was sometimes away on detachments and I had to cope by myself for periods of time. But we were happy and contented. A friend commented to me a while back that her daughter who has a couple of young children, hadn't had a night out in weeks.

Anniebach - your reaction is simplistic. If parents had that much influence on how their children turn out, they would be carbon copies of their parents! Everyone can see that is not the case. I read recently that research showed that peer influence kicks in earlier than anyone would imagine (around 7 years old, if I remember correctly). There is also media and social change: the zeitgeist if you like. Bloggers are now sometimes called Influencers - an unwholesome idea in my opinion, but there it is.
I am very thankful that my girls have turned out to be decent human beings and responsible adults but they do not think, feel or act exactly like my younger self.

I have friends whose AD rings her with the tiniest problems. Whenever we meet I can guarantee that within the hour there will be a phone call, followed by numerous texts throughout the evening. Its a co-dependency relationship. My friend needs to be needed and her AD (married with 2 kids) won't grow up. Its quite sad, but annoying when we're out with them.

When you mentioned the Asperger’s it turned everything on it’s head! My AS is 27 and can’t cope well with life at all, so I can’t imagine him ever coping with a relationship let alone a child. You don’t realise how lucky you area! You should have mentioned it in the beginning, she will reach adult maturity a lot later than NT’s. It’s fantastic that she has a partner and a child, AND going to Uni one day a week. My son sits in his room all day on the internet and playing video games.

I recall when my brother told my parents his wife was expecting their first child, after all the congratulations my father said "Just remember a baby is a creature with a noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other"

Yes I have definitely noticed a change in this direction since I was a young mum. Although many of us did work, it was still "the norm" for a mother to stay home till the children went to school. We also did the night feeds etc. The idea behind it was that the breadwinner (usually the husband) therefore was rested and able to give his best performance at work, resulting in the best possible living standards for the family. I think that was good teamwork. After all, in a football team, they don't all take turns in shooting goal - they have specialised roles and each does their different job.