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Why can't they cope?

(110 Posts)
Izabella Sat 15-Dec-18 17:11:43

I saw this first hand yesterday when out with friends. A long arranged evening we had all been looking forward to and a phone call to our friends as soon as we got there. Some really minor household (and I mean minor) annoyance seemed to have resulted in a meltdown with a hysterical DD that spoiled the rest of the evening. I actually questioned why a grown woman would need to phone her mother for some trivial incident.

So yes, I really wonder about the coping. Is it learned behaviour? Why can't so many learn to stand on their own feet? Or is it just me?

EllanVannin Sat 15-Dec-18 17:09:31

Whatever happens these young mums must have " their " time. What ? It's this selfish and self-centred society that we live in.
If all they can think of is time to themselves then they clearly shouldn't become parents until they're 40 !

JudiDrench Sat 15-Dec-18 17:02:29

Has she spoken to her partner to agree what tasks to share?

paganqueen Sat 15-Dec-18 16:45:59

What really amazes me is she worked in a nursery for 8 years so knows how to take care of 20 children at a time. I have to give her some credit though, she has Aspergers syndrome and has coped with adult life really well, it's just the moaning over who does more for the child. They bicker like kids.

jenpax Sat 15-Dec-18 16:44:02

I know what you mean. One of my AC grumbles about having to take her children around without a car during the day (partner takes it to work) and generally about how hard and relentless looking after children is! She was angry earlier this year that I was not around to help because I am recovering from a serious illness!
However they have had bags of support from both families, that we didn’t have,and further more we didn’t expect it!
My DH and I were not able to go out without the children in the evening until they reached their teen years!
My father was ill when I had the older two, so that my mother stated firmly that they could not cope with baby sitting of any kind. I am an only child so no helpful siblings! and both parents were only children too, so ditto aunts and uncles.DH’s step mother hated children,so no offers of baby sitting from that quarter! and his mum lived too far away!
Still we just got on with things; and if we really wanted to do something in the evening (like the open air Shakespeare) we either had to go solo or bring the kids!

Lynne59 Sat 15-Dec-18 16:40:12

The younger generation wants it all - babies, a nice home, holidays, days out, the latest mobile 'phones, etc., etc. I'm 59 and stayed at home with my 2 sons whilst my husband worked long hours. We had a mortgage (council mortgage so no deposit), and it was a struggle. We never went out anywhere without the boys.

TELL your daughter to stop whining. She doesn't know how lucky she is to have what she's got.

paganqueen Sat 15-Dec-18 16:20:53

She goes to university one day a week while I have dg. She has an active social life with DG so is never at home during the day, she often pops in here too. I can't even drive so never had that luxury, we had to walk everywhere. Her partner moans that she gets to spend all day with him while he's at work and he misses out on a lot of things. They seem to be fighting over who has it easiest all the time.

dragonfly46 Sat 15-Dec-18 16:11:00

The young adults these days do seem to have higher expectations than we had.

I moved to Holland when our daughter was 4 months old. I knew no-one, did not speak the language and my husband had a taxing job. I had no car and no telephone so I bought a bike and I just got on with it.

Were we made of sterner stuff. I am not sure but as far as I see they have it easy these days but want more. It can be lonely and hard work with a young baby but it doesn't last long and it is a pity she is not enjoying him as she should. She is very lucky to have one day off a week when you look after him.

lemongrove Sat 15-Dec-18 16:03:45

Withdraw some of the support....how will they ever become adults otherwise?

paganqueen Sat 15-Dec-18 16:01:26

I am struggling to find sympathy for my AD. She has one 18 month old son but she constantly moans that her partner doesn't do anything/enough to help her. She is a stay at home mum and her partner works. I have him once a week. She was moaning today that she went out with her friends on Thursday night and her son slept the whole time she was out but when her partner went out last night her son was awake until 10pm and that's not fair because she didn't get her "Me time". I just keep thinking, when I was your age I had 2 kids under 4 and a husband who did 12 hour shift work, I never went out and when I had 4 kids, the youngest was 2 weeks old when my husband went away to work for 3 months, only coming home at the weekend. My baby was ill, passing blood and I had to take 3 kids to and from school, walking, and look after a sick baby all day and night all alone. Why can't they cope these days? I just don't know what to say to her when she whines on about how bad it is. I want to tell her to get over it but I have to be supportive.