New grandparent

Congratulations on the wonderful news. Perhaps your daughter feels that the scans and appointments should be private for the two of them (understandable) and as for the name they probably don't want others views on it or they want it to be a surprise. Try not to overthink it and just look forward to the baby cuddles of which I am sure there will be plenty.

Spot on Luckygirl

I'll remember forever the anguished phone call in the early hours of the morning
" Mum, you know you said that if it all got too much I was to call you? Well I'm calling you..."

And I went.

Congratulations on the impending grandchild - and also for amending your expectations - very wise indeed!

I have several DDs and they all had different expectations of what my role might be! - so I have just gone with the flow with each one. I know they all love me and I did not take offence in any way - they just had different ideas, which is fine.

Support her every decision - and you will come out smiling! And I am willing to bet that there will come a time when they are totally exhausted and they will be glad to ask for your help - just bide your time!

Congratulations!

As hard as it is to readjust, you’re doing the right thing!!

You’re going to do so well ❤️

I’m very close to my mum but it never occurred to either of us that she would be involved in the things you expected to be? They are for the parents, why would you be included or want to to be? These are their experiences, not yours.

That’s not to say you won’t have lovely experiences to come - grandma ones but you really can’t expect to intrude on their special moments.

Hormones!

Sunflower42 many congratulations on your forthcoming grandchild. In your situation, I too would be feeling a bit perplexed. I have had close relationships with my daughters and daughter in law during their pregnancies and none of them has ever felt the need to issue quite such a directive at the outset! Maybe your daughter is just finding her way with the impending changes in her life - let it play out and give her time to adjust.

Sunflower,

Please dont say you are not involved in anything at all. That is not true and you know it.

You are! She told you about the baby, she calls you every day, she goes for dinner at least once a week... that is very close and she keeps you in the loop.

You are just not a direct witness of events you thought you would be included in, like the medical appointments, for example.
I bet your dd will tell you how the appointments go.

Please don't go down the catastrophic route of "I am not involved at all". That is how trouble starts

Geekesse, that might well be the case but I’d like to point out it’s her that rings me every day, she comes for her dinner once a week, twice if her hubby is working late. I don’t think I’m intrusive I’ve always left them to get on with their lives, I know she enjoys her weekends with him so I don’t intrude and she knows I have my own life as well.

To be honest I was just hoping to talk as I was feeling low...
Now I’m questioning everything, maybe coming here to chat was t the best idea

Hetty I had no family including my mother around when I had any of my kids, I did my first born alone and it was tough, I needed help/ advice , not that I have given any. She’s been around enough babies and she will be a fantastic mother and her husband will be a fantastic father. I’m just a little sad that I won’t be involved in anything at all it’s not the relationship I’ve had with my daughter, as I said we are very close she tells me everything, she still wants hugs when she’s down or poorly and I see her most days (or I did until lockdown)

Sunflower, congratulations!

Try to see it from different viewpoints. Did you have your own Mum present at your ante-natal appointments and scans? It’s not really usual, and I’d have hated to have my Mum doing that stuff. Part of the fun of having a baby for a couple is ringing round and announcing the baby’s name. Now that they always know the sex way in advance, the name is pretty well the only surprise they have left. Only my husband and I knew what names we had chosen until after each of the kids was born, and I was the first person to call each of them by name. It was kind of nice.

I’d just signal a hint of caution.... you say you and your daughter are ‘very close’. I wonder if she and her husband/partner may feel that your intense involvement in her life is a bit intrusive? Now they are expecting a child, they may feel this is a good time to gently stake out a bit of a space to build their own life as a family.

Congratulations sunflower42. that's lovely news,
I hope the pregnancy goes well.

Like Phoenix, I wouldn't have expected to have my parents around when I was giving birth and as brook2704 says, your relationship will change.

Katyi, as the baby conversations came up in the past she once mentioned scans and appointments as though I would be there ( there’s some complicated family history) , they have booked an early scan and as they were telling me she said they talked and wanted to keep all scans and appointments for just them. The name thing she said in passing a few weeks ago (before a baby was on the way) and yesterday they were decorating and without thinking mentioned avoiding glossing and was told she’s looked it all up and if she wants advice she will ask for it. like I said I do understand, they have it all at their finger tips and things have changed since I had my youngest. I guess this is a learning curve for all of us. .

Sunflower, it appears that your daughter knows you very well!

This is an exciting time for her and baby's father. You just need to take a back seat.

Did you appreciate advice and/or intrusion from your own mother? Remember that there are several valid ways to parent a child, therefore your way is not the only or best way!

Congratulations Sunflower what lovely news ! It’s an exciting time ahead and a chance to develop a different relationship with your daughter as she starts a family of her own.

Congratulations Sunflower. I can feel your disappointment, and your probably a bit hurt too. I’m just wondering why she felt the need to say this so soon, I’m guessing she’s in early pregnancy.
I had a shock with my first grandchild, there wasn’t a gransnet then unfortunately,i didn’t know my dil very well, and they were both very young. I expected they would want and need lots of help, I couldn’t have been more wrong,i overstepped the mark out of love and concern and was given the cold shoulder ! Looking back quite rightly too.
They have loads of information at their finger tips now and are much more confident and generally older too.
Just be yourself,don’t speak until your spoken to ( joking ) if they need help they’ll ask, it’s the modern way.

Congratulations Sunflower!

However I must confess that it would never had occurred to me to have my mother at any of my scans or appointments, or to have been present for any of those relating to my grandchildren!

As I see it, that is something just for the prospective parents.

Perhaps that is now considered an old fashioned view?

Thank you

I do hope so !

Sunflower,

Congrats!

I can see your disappointment.

However, you are doing the right thing by readjusting your expectations.

You will be a great grandma!