My husband left me and now the house is a tip

Just remember it's taken a long time for the house to get as it is so it will take a long time to get it as you want - baby steps; a drawer at a time to begin with. There are lots of videos on youtube for de-cluttering a wardrobe - they might be a useful guide on how to start.
Also remind yourself of how well you have done bringing up two children on your own - it's hard (Been there done that) and takes a lot of time and energy. Now you can use the time and energy on what you want to do

Just to add to the excellent advice and support on here; regarding paperwork, if you have a lot it'll be too much for a domestic shredder and would take an age. Search for a local company who will come and pick up your black bags of paperwork, seal them properly and then take them away and dispose of them properly, and give you a certificate to say that they have. I did it and it was worth its weight in gold (well, maybe not, there was an awful lot) to see it just - go!

I think if you feel psychologically challenged by tackling it, you may need to seek some professional advice first. My Aunt is a hoarder and my cousin bought her a flat to move into, brand new and really nice and comfortable. It was devised as a way of getting the hoarding house empty and up for sale (withy my Aunts permission I may add). My cousin started to empty the house and before it could be finished and the sale completed, she moved back in and it has started again. She doesn't want help though, you sound like you do and Monica has posted some really useful links.

I think you will feel a different person if you have a clear out and make 2021 the next new chapter of your life. It will mean passing bits onto worthy causes, creating space in your home and it is supposed to clear the mind too
A win win
Good luck

Nothing new to add really but I have total empathy for your situation and believe in part it’s fear that you won’t be able to afford to replace what you part with if you need it in the future.
Trust me, you’ll manage without it or find a way to get it if you really need it. Also the memories attached to things makes you want to keep them.
Start small, take before and after photos and take photos of things you’re getting rid of to help with the feelings of loss. You’ll be able to delete the photos later when you realise you don’t need them.
Cutlery drawer or underwear drawer is usually a quick win. Do little and often and just keep going. It may take years but every time you achieve something you will feel proud of what you have accomplished and that will help to spur you on.
If you find yourself feeling sad or depressed then be kind to yourself, it’s painful to part with things you’ve owned a long time but keep the end result in your mind and you’ll get there. I wish you strength, courage and and the will to persevere.

It's such an overwhelming task when everything has got out of hand, and starting, even with one drawer, often seems just too much. See if you can tackle just one small area - like taking plants off the kitchen window sill, giving it a wipe over and putting them back. It's often a small start than can motivate you further. A kitchen cupboard - just one - and don't make yourself do too much at a time. Reward yourself with coffee and a treat, and consider what you might tackle tomorrow. There are no inspectors coming - good luck with this; take your time, and remember you are in control.

It is daunting to be faced with such a big task, but if you make a contract with yourself to spend twenty or thirty minutes each day decluttering in one of the rooms, you will be surprised how quickly you make headway. I am a ‘list’ sort of lady and my super power is designing, organising and implementing processes (before I retired I was a project manager/business analyst). With my everyday housework, I have a rolling weekly routine which takes me about fifteen minutes a day - and my house stays clean and tidy, then I allocate a day every three months for a deep clean (windows etc). Maybe looking forward you could maintain your house with a routine that fits in with your own particular lifestyle. I wish you joy and happiness as you reclaim your space and put your own stamp on it. Just think what you could do with two rooms! I made one of my spare rooms into a hobby room ?, it is my peaceful place x

I would say get a bit of counselling- I think we keep (emotional) stuff we shouldn’t in a little box in our brain and it manifests itself in things that we do - like hoarding things or not being able to organise certain areas of our life. Maybe once you clear that junk stuffed away in your head you can clear the junk stuffed in your house! Good luck!

Have a look at this - take the bits that help you. Shiny sink and get dressed to shoes are real morale boosters. Then the 'everyone can do something for 15 minutes' too. Soon you will see a difference. With the lockdown etc you could not have a better time to do this. www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/

Hoarding and not moving on can be a sign of depression - you may still be suffering low grade depression even after all these years . Have you ever spoken to any professionals about how you felt when your husband left you ?
The suggestion to try to clear one room at a time is a good one . You need to be ruthless . Have you used it in the past year ? Then get rid . Help someone else - homes for battered women and the homeless are continuously asking for things and quite often will pick up .

I would get some boxes or black sacks and do 1 room ar a time maybe over a month or so , I love a good sort out ,, I have my grown children that have left and have started in the loft ,omg the things we found there ,care bears rainbow bright and horses, lots of Star Wars etc, there was also lots of boxes of clothes etc, we sent the clothes to the tip. my older kids chose what collections they wanted ,I still kept a few bits , but I was ruthless to get rid , then in the children rooms ,we had a cull of stuff ,clothes toys etc too small don't wear any more took to charity shops ,toys we decluttered ,and actually have a Ikea with 8 boxes empty ,we do this now every 3 months

The way I dealt with my clutter was to tackle the real rubbish first - I had all sorts in the cupboard, including things I meant to fix at some point but had since replaced. I just took a black bin bag around the house once a week and got rid of anything that really should have been thrown out ages ago. The bag just went in the bin so it was easy to get rid of.
After that I just started on one cupboard at a time, tidying it up and removing stuff that could be given away (and more rubbish of course). For a while it was a case of moving stuff from one place to another, but as cupboards were slowly emptied and tidied I could start putting other stuff away. It gets quite addictive after a while, once you can start to see a difference. By the time you get around to sentimental stuff it's much easier to deal with it.
You could try putting stuff on Freecycle or Freegle - it's amazing what people can make use of and it's a nice feeling not to be putting stuff into landfill.
You might want to get a shredder to deal with old, unwanted paperwork as well.

I think this is excellent advice. Good luck and best wishes.

Time to make a start! Have 3 piles, keep, throw, charity. Try not to dwell on items, not good for you. Then decorate a room at a time to make it totally yours

In the beautiful Tao ti Ching it says, 'A journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step'. I used to let huge tasks scare me now I just do a little every day and I always reach my goal in the end. You are a strong, brave woman and you can do this!!

It must seem terribly daunting at first. You could try finding just three items that you will be happy to give away free to someone who needs them. You could advertise them for free on Facebook marketplace or freegle or similar. Perhaps a daughter or friend would help you do this.

It would be a first step and would help someone as well as yourself. You could make a pact with yourself to make up a box full of things to regift each week like this.

I hear you Unigran4,

My Dad passed away when I was 5, back in 1971, leaving Mum with 6 kids under the age of 13. She struggled her way through but the house went to pot along the way. We got used to it, boxes of stuff here and there, ironing piling up and the carpet always needed hoovering. Climbing over and around stuff became the norm. In fact, we had some brilliant places to go when we played hide and seek!

But my Mum was a warrior, and her first thought was to feed and clothe her kids and keep them safe and happy. The housework came second to her working three different jobs to keep her, and our heads above water.

She struggled, and plodded on, but she was always sad. Hard to explain, she was fine on the outside but if you looked that bit deeper she was sad and probably depressed. I only realised this years later when I was grown.

When she got sick in 2010 she decided to sell her house to be nearer to us, and my daughter and I had the job of clearing the house. The tears I shed coming across things which brought back so many memories from child to adulthood, photos, mementoes, personal items... a good lot of trash but some very precious items.

I asked Mum why we lived like that, she said at first it didn’t bother her, she was happy to do housework at weekends when she wasn’t working. But at weekends she was so tired that the housework rarely got done. Then she explained that she looked at it one day and felt so overwhelmed by it all, she sat down and cried. Saying she didn’t know where to start so she shut the door on it.

And then she got ill so couldn’t do it. We did sell her house for her, and she bought herself a warden controlled flat 5 minutes from us.

We decorated and furnished the flat for her, everything brand new, everything. Then we brought her personal bits, photos etc and the day she moved in she stood and sobbed. Said she couldn’t believe it was all hers, it was her ‘palace’ and that she’d never had new stuff even from when she married back in the 60’s. She settled well but sadly passed away very suddenly 5 weeks after moving in. But in those 5 weeks she was the happiest I’d ever seen her, in her lovely clutter free palace where she said she felt so free, and told us off if we ‘messed it up’ by leaving a magazine or cup on the table!

As others have said, it’s a step by step journey which might be difficult and sad along the way, but once it’s done you will feel a huge sense of satisfaction and relief.

You may not be able to do a garage sale just yet, but there may be things you could give away.

I’ve recently started using an app called Olio (there’s also Freecycle, Freegle, Trash Nothing, Preloved and other sites to use) where you can give away food or non food items. I’ve listed non food and items are always snapped up quickly. I arrange for someone to come and collect (at my convenience) and then as they arrive, I put the item outside on my doorstep and close the door. They collect the item and off they go.

I’ve had a huge sense of satisfaction as I know the things I no longer want are being recycled to help others. It does get a bit addictive tho - I’m ALWAYS looking for bits to put on now (my daughter has banned me from her bedroom!)

The other thing I saw was a guy setting up a table just inside his garden on the drive, with a bundle of items. He put up a sign saying ‘Free - Help Yourself’ and upon chatting to him as I passed he said he’d cleared his garage in less than 2 weeks by doing it. Maybe worth a thought.

Good luck whatever you decide to do, but don’t leave it to start. You’ll start feeling better and proud of yourself once you get going. Little by little you’ll get there ? x

If family aren’t able to help once lockdown is over there are people who will come in and dispose of ‘stuff’ for u then do a spring clean. When I was working there was a company I used to call to go into elderly peoples houses to do just that. A timely reminder that it’s a fire hazard to have rooms cluttered with stuff. As others have said u will feel better once u start. We’ve just done it as we moved house it’s quite cathartic! Good luck x

I have recently downsized. Accepting that nothing has any value unless it fitted with my new life was so difficult. I gave away soo much for nothing and then I was burgled and lost family heirlooms - silver etc.
It was so liberating, and in fact the burglars did me a favour as the items were insured, and gave me cupboard space. Now if I don't have something I need, I don't get upset that I no longer have it, I just treat myself.
It's daunting, but I really got going once I started. Good luck.

With an online group a couple of years ago I did quite a lot of de-cluttering. I'm not a hoarder at all but it's amazing what you accumulate. We did it on the basis of one month: "Junking June" I think it was called. On the 1st, you got rid of one thing. Day 13, 13 things and so on. By the end of the month you've got rid of over 400 items (I can't recall how much and I'm not going to do the maths right now!). It was very satisfying and the imposition of the day numbers gave the whole thing some structure (plus it was a Facebook group so we'd photograph our chuck-outs and share them with each other but you don't have to do that, of course) . This might or might not work for you but you never know. It's worth a shot, even if it merely represents a start. Good luck!

First of all, a pat on the back for having happy girls with happy families. I think you could do and deserve with some help, friends, family ..or professional declutterer. Even if we are still in lockdown etc, it is something you could plan.
Start by boxing up what belongs to your daughters( for them to deal with), then start with the room you use the most. Then think about how you live / want to ..how I wish I could help you more, I do love this sort of challenge !

Do as the others have said, a few minutes everyday and a black bag out of the house. Keep all paper work in a safe place to be filed a at later date. I bet that a lot of things belong to your daughters. They don’t have the space in their homes so it has been left at yours with them saying they want it kept, like mine did. Put their things aside also in black bags and tell them you will dispose of it one way or another if it isn’t collected in the month.
You will feel as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders as each bag of your stuff goes out the front door.
I am so pleased I did it and got the flat decorated in lovely colours. That being said, I still have the garage and two cellars to go which will be done in warmer weather.
Good luck

I am the same, I did declutter when I moved to a smaller property (been divorced years at that point), thought I made headway but am back to square one again now. The comments about seeing a GP startled me tbh, not something I would ever bother a GP with whether in these Covid times or not. Some good advice on here though. Good luck to the OP with this.

My friend is a Marie Kondo fan but I couldn’t be bothered to read the book. Then GN summarised it by saying hold each item and ask ‘do I want this?’. Surprisingly much easier and quicker to make a decision than saying ‘should I throw this away?’. Worth trying.

Definitely ask your daughters to help! Just say you're struggling and then tackle one room at a time. I'm still going through my parents' stuff (they were hoarders) over six years after their deaths and it's exhausting and depressing but I feel much better when I've got rid of it. It feels as though I'm reclaiming my life at last.