Do I live in the most boring town in Britain?

Aely replied yesterday at 19.04.

GrauntyHelen

Your Town isnt boring but your attitude is indeed very negative

Just as a matter of interest, do you have a tiny shred of empathy and kindness in you?

Please enlighten all of us ( self included) on how to deal with grief,loss, disappointment and change?

Futurelearn do some free courses online, a huge selection

You say you no longer drive. How far away is the next town or bigger town. Do you have a bus pass, a change of scenery may help, also lots of pensioners use the buses, especially to shopping areas or on market days. Many are happy to chat on the bus, a good way to meet new people.

Possibly there are some harsh comments on here...a little unkind. I understand that you are feeling low because of your situation. I think the suggestion of visiting your GP is some good advice. There is nothing to feel ashamed with talking to your doctor about how you are feeling. Your local library might have some suggestions about local groups you could join. A big effort when feeling a bit lost. Walk as much as you can, it does help and gives a purpose to the day. Take care of yourself and don't give up...you deserve a good life.

Coming here on.gransnet is quite good. Sudoku is my thing, or killer sudoku. I.reach for it if at a loose end. Compassionate neighbours? Not everywhere. That's an organisation BTW. Someone drops in or phones once a week. You could either do it or be on.the receiving end...or both! If you go to.the GP as people are suggesting they will.be able to.point you in.a few directions. Let us know how you get on. I.am. taking g stock.myself at the moment as having to face.up.to limited mobility.

I second the church idea. Start with the one nearest to you and if you don’t like it then try the next nearest. You don’t have to be religious you just want to go there with the intention of trying to brighten someone else’s day. Even if that is only with a smile.

I started a coffee group in a local cafe a couple of months ago, advertised it on our local Facebook page and we get between 4-10 each week, different faces come and go depending on other commitment's. It's turned out really helpful for many, there may be one local to you.
Would a mobility scooter help you get about perhaps. I also did a watercolour course on line when my mobility was poor. There are lots of online courses that may help.

I am 77 and have been a widow 28years,I have made a lovely life for myself which is rich and full,I have done it on my own without any help from my 3 children.

There must at least be a WI in your town? most churches have social groups associated with them.

I agree with previous posters,you sound depressed,which can show itself in many ways.Perhaps a visit to the GP is in order for you.

Grammaretto

Aely replied yesterday at 19.04.

Thank you Grammaretto.
I just wondered what she thought of suggestions.

If there’s a coffee shop in town, take yourself there a couple (or more) times a week. Once you become a ‘regular’ there, you’ll find the staff chat to you and will guess your order before you ask.
Once there, you’ll find the can read, go online or just ‘people watch’. Doesn’t sound much, but away from home and having someone make you a drink, in nice surroundings will give you a different perspective and a reason to throw off your PJs and slippers.
I don’t believe you can’t find rnough books to read, but maybe try a new writer/genre. Audiobooks are great if it’s an effort. You only need your phone for them (and some headphones if you want to listen in the coffee shop). There are loads of interesting programmes and podcasts on BBC Sounds, too.
You’ve brought up your own children; how about offering to help children at a local Primary School. They always need volunteers to listen to children read. If they discover you’re a gardener and can sew, they might be glad of your help with planting bulbs with the kids or basic stitching. You have lots to offer. It may suit you better than a charity shop and the kids will keep you young!

Reach out. You have the internet so go on some of the local 'spotted' sites (anonymously if you like) and say you are looking for groups and activities to suit your age/location/interests.
Volunteering opens lots of doors to network.
Offer to share petrol costs with people on a group you would want to join if you don't drive.
Join a book club - the library will point you in the right direction.
Look at church groups - they usually have a few.
Chin up - 77 isn't old.

My Aunty' Joan who never learnt to drive when her partner was alive learned to drive at the age of 70+! It gave her a new lease of life..you could get a little automatic 2nd hand car and advertise for someone to sit with you in the car on a neighbour website so you can practise between driving lessons or go on a driving course

Is there a WI you might join as they have off shoot groups
Offer to volunteer at your local primary school to listen to children read or start a veggie patch there!
Do you have a library where you can find out what is on!
Write your memoirs ( on long winter nights) fir your children and grand children
Light exercise or Pilates for you back
You do sound depressed so please see your GP
Good luck

Your post made me think of my Gran who at 90+ entertained 2 neighbours every Saturday night. I used to go to M&S for three packets of pre-made sandwiches, some cream cakes and Gran made scones and pancakes, this was to make supper as easy as possible. Once Gran passed away the two elderly ladies retreated back to their solitary lives. On the surface these ladies didn’t have much in common. My gran’s house was always full of bustle with friends and family dropping in each day, on of the ladies had a poor relationship with her sons and their families and the other one’s only daughter lived in London.

Perhaps there are people who feel as lost as you do, who you could meet up for tea or coffee once a week.

My gran was about 15years older than both these ladies, but she had a youthful outlook on life, which I think made her such a caring person.

lafergar

Trouble is social isolation and depression are hand in hand sometimes.
The conventional advice to " join things" is like pushing a boulder up a hill.

Yes, that never works unfortunately

Wherever you go and there you are

A life loving mindset is a must and sou is artificial but embracing wanting to be excited will start getting you excited

Meant to type: sounds artificial

I don't have hobbies, choirs or churches right now, but I have crazy hilarious rather gentlemanly men colleagues, we talk the whole world, they look after me and the boss is lovely. The plant is nature spot also , when I eat lunch outside is so beautiful...if this job didn't come up I was thinking to do some very specific course like illuminated manuscripts, something that really gets me deeply paying attention ...honestly I think ideas make me happier than just people but again, we have to find our point if interest

Are there any care homes near you? Perhaps you could ask about volunteering there, a lot of residents may appreciate someone visiting them for a chat once or twice a week, some have events and entertainment now and again and I am sure they would make you welcome as a volunteer. If you have a library a lot of them are now community hubs with groups meeting there. You could always start a meeting up group yourself, knit / coffee & chat type thing.
Take the bull by the horns.

Let’s look for the positives here, Aely, and I’ll tell you what - you don’t half write well. In your second post, I could visualise your town as clear as crystal in my head, you were so descriptive. You say you love reading but are finding it difficult to find good books these days. I know, like art, books are subjective, but I do recommend “How To Age Disgracefully” by Clare Pooley. It’s such a fun read and tells the story of Daphne, a soon to be 70 widow, who takes up a lot of the suggestions mentioned in this thread, some much against her gut instinct and natural personality. If nothing else, it may make you smile a bit. But back to what I said earlier, I love your writing - you are a bit gifted in this direction, anything you could do with it? I wish you well!

Yes! A wonderful writer. I could see your town.

Life is not easy. Who was it that said, old age is not for sissies. I came to realise, no one is coming, I have sort myself out. Difficult if you are not in the best of health and lonely. Try every day to get out, use your bus pass. At least you have a Trip
to Monkey World with your d I never see mine, but I am not keen on monkeys anyway. Don't go looking for friends just be interest in those you meet. People live to talk about themselves.


.

It's taken me a while to get back online (Virginmedia!) and this morning I was off down my allotment watering and cutting dead branches from the apple and plum trees the council forced me to mutilate last year. I told the lady it was not the right time of year to hack branches off a plum tree! Came back with a waste bag of dead wood for the garden waste pick-up tomorrow, attached to the back of my mobility scooter.

I had never heard of the site "Nextdoor", so I have popped on to see if this town is covered. It says it is, in two parts, North and South (my part and the original village, which are like two small separate towns). According to Nextdoor, reasons for liking this town include its lake (3/4 hr away by mobility scooter and not actually in this town) and that it is Peaceful (a.k.a. boring), Rural (it used to be but now Suburbia), walkability (but terrible for mobility scooters with bad pavements, bad parking and rubbish bins all over) and wildlife. We do get foxes and rats and Pepper used to bring in the occasional field mouse from the adjacent school field. I must say, in the posh part there are some lovely old houses but more and more are being demolished and the land used for lower grade high density housing.

I used to help with reading and sewing in a local school but "Policy" changed. I was a volunteer visitor for elderly people (like me now!) and made a good friend with an elderly lady. We had both worked at the same place so had plenty to chat about. I did her garden, picked up her shopping and was the only person except for the lady from social Services at her funeral when she died. I was active in local politics but my Party affiliation stopped when Brexit became a possibility. Irreconcilable differences. I used to be a regular church and church event attender but moved to a different part of town when my circumstances changed. The little local church (the one I attended as a child) is not for me. I am not into hugging strangers. I'm not really into hugging anybody because my Mum didn't hug, she hit and I had to "learn" to hug my own kids. Now I have a scooter I have been thinking of trying my old Church again, if I can get up early enough (not good in the mornings) but that would only be a Summer thing and it is Winter I am most concerned about.

I used to visit my brother in France but haven't done so in many years and no longer have a passport. After a last trip to Paris (with a daughter), my brother in Normandy and having a week in Crete (on my own) way back in 2006 I stopped travelling. It was getting too difficult, especially on my own, with my joint problems. I went riding one last time and had to "fall" off the horse because a hip seized and I couldn't dismount. I really struggled with my luggage because of the effects of frozen shoulders and the coach to the Ferry terminal stopped picking up from this town and I would have to go to London to catch it. I have also found that going places on my own isn't much fun. Nobody to share with. My kids have their own families now and can't go gallivanting off with me.

I used to visit my boyfriend (if such a description is appropriate at our age!), who lives a train ride away, on a regular basis but as we got older over the 20 plus years his health deteriorated faster than mine. Going out to lunch, a walk and so on slipped from twice a week to once a month. We didn't see each other at all over Covid of course. Now he can't get here unless my daughter goes and brings him when she comes to visit and I can't make the walk from the bus stop to his place any more.

When I was young I knew so many people in this end of town. If I didn't know somebody, I probably knew someone who did. In the 1970s when I worked in London my boss lived 3 miles away from me and his boss lived 2 streets away. Like I said, this is a commuter town. When I married and transferred to work locally my new boss lived next door to my Mum and his boss lived next door to my Aunty in the next road. I would catch a bus and an elderly lady might ask "Are you one of Sybil's or Hazell's?" But there only about 16,000 people here then, not 60,000. When I moved to this house in 1994 I already knew my neighbour and found several of my childhood neighbours in this and the adjoining road. All gone now.

How about indulging yourself in a massage or a facial, a pedicure, reflexology? If you've not tried them, it might be nice to do something new... get those endorphins flowing.. Good luck!

Aely.....It's not easy at all but can you sort of "train yourself" to look outward and forward a bit?
Are you in constant pain because that is exhausting and draining.