Do I live in the most boring town in Britain?

I think you sound great and honest. For me it is my dog. I cannot imagine how I’d be without her, she is my third since I’ve lived alone. Such fun such love such exercise, such structure to my life. The two walks a day. Dog people are usually so nice and we always at least share smiles if not treats.
I do run my own business, love family history , see daughter every day for dog walk but it’s my dog Ivy who is the key element to my happiness.

I've been having a "screen time break" for a few days, but as you can see, I'm back online now. Thanks again for your posts. Anybody want to be wowed by my knowledge of Tungsten and the Vulcan bomber? I didn't make it to the Church coffee morning. I was at the hospital getting an X-ray having seen a Doctor about my mobility problems the day before, so I didn't see the elderly gent I had chatted to previously.

It seems that, when I had a previous X-ray back in 2017 and was told there was "nothing wrong" with my hips, the surgery Doctor must have missed the consultant's report about the moderate to advanced Arthritis in the right hip. The new Doctor was shocked and wants an update. He also doesn't rule out the possibility of tendon damage and thinks my hips are partially dislocating when I "sit wrong" or hit a bad bit of pavement. I have to say, the X-ray service, which is now "walk-in" once the Doctor has notified them via computer, was excellent. A two minute wait. I'll give it another couple of days and try my luck with getting the follow-up with the Doc.

I managed a visit to another Gransnet member earlier in the week who lives a train ride from me, which was lovely. I surprised myself by walking to the station when the bus failed to arrive. It was worth the sore feet I had by the end of the day and pleased to say the hip behaved itself.

My neighbour is behaving herself as is the grandson, who is going to arrange a roof check for me with the company he works for. I may have a broken tile (or the piece might have come from my gutter-clearer's pocket in an attempt at a scam. There is a warning online for our area). Won't hurt to eye-ball my 50 year old roof.
The neighbour has started to criticise my old friend. I do hope she isn't going to turn on an 87 year old now. If she does, I will support my old friend, if she will allow it and doesn't decide to blame me.

Re the Vulcan: If any of you are curious, I was fascinated by the Vulcan when I first saw a silver V flying when I was about 4 years old, back when we were both pretty new to this world. About 50 years ago I was honoured to be given a VIP visit to a hanger at Rolls Royce to say Goodbye to one of the last Mk. 1 aircraft which had been used as a Flying Test Bed for the Tornado aircraft. I had been tasked with scrounging parts to keep it flying until it was no longer needed.

The Tungsten (a.k.a. Wolfram), W in the Periodic table, was just something I had handled in the raw in the earlier, Scientific part of my work life.

As for activities around here, there is some "Family Entertainment" for the kids in August, the annual Old Peoples' home garden fete August Bank Holiday Monday (weather permitting), a Heritage Festival to enlighten the locals about the towns' history in September and a Frost Fair one Saturday in November.

Why not volunteer with the heritage people if there are opportunities you sound as if you have plenty of knowledge

I might pop along on one of the tours and make sure the leader isn't talking rubbish.

How is everything going Aely, since you posted your question. Have you tried any new ventures that were suggested? If so, hows it all going?

I was surprised to find this had popped up again in the recent responses list!

I found an afternoon Sunday service at our Parish Church (the one where my parents were married and I was christened), which caters for old fogies like me. I discovered the daughter of an old friend is now the Curate! That was a surprise. It is a short, traditional service followed by refreshments and an opportunity to chat. I used to go to that Church regularly when I lived in the same road but now live across town. I can get there by mobility scooter while the weather is reasonable. The nearest bus stop is some distance away and there are a couple of steep hills to struggle up (even the scooter struggles with one!).

I was referred by my Doctor to a 6 week, NHS sponsored (free) exercise class to help with my COPD, two mornings a week, in a neighbouring town. I quite enjoyed it while it lasted. I am now on the list for the (pay for) follow up class in a different neighbouring town, which will be one morning a week, It is the only one I can get to by bus.

When I was at the first venue, I mentioned my Social Isolation problems to one of the organisers who said she was sure she could find a solution. She couldn't find anything and said that we live in a "black hole".

While travelling to and from the exercise classes I was recognised and spoken to by two ladies, one the mother of an old friend of my elder daughter and the other the lady who was in the adjacent Maternity bed when my younger daughter was born 43 years ago! I also had an interesting chat with the homeless man who was camped outside the exercise venue. An old soldier, down on his luck. I bought him lunch before I returned home.

Since I put this post up in July, I have attended the local old-people's-home garden fete on August Bank Holiday Monday. About 3 weeks ago my younger daughter and her family called in for an hour en route from a holiday in Devon.
This Friday my elder daughter drove down from Andover to take us to the "local" (nearby town) theatre to see Omid Djalili and came down again on Saturday to take us to the same nearby town for the Firework display, which was very good.

She can't get down here now for another three weeks, unless she can combine it with a business trip. She normally tries to visit every week or so.

I have no other plans. I will be here on my own for Christmas, but will hopefully get a short visit from my younger daughter with my Grandson between Christmas and New Year. The next local "Event" will be the annual Donkey Derby at the end of May.

It is a shame I don't speak Nepalese or there would be other places I could go. They are a friendly lot, Hom who lives a few doors away popped in for a cuppa one day and speaks reasonable English, but the language barrier is a major problem. I spent an interesting bus journey to one exercise class teaching an eager, elderly, Nepalese lady to count in English. The classes they used to get were discontinued because of financial restrictions. I used to help out at an adult Literacy class until it too was cancelled.

The unusually mild weather has enabled me to carry on with my gardening for longer than usual, but that won't last much longer. I am eying up the jigsaws I have put by and the Cryptic Crosswords I have cut out of the Metro newspaper - which is sometimes available on the bus.
My old friend up the road is still turning her back and I have avoided my next door neighbour since she thought that her son putting his boot into my daughter's car door when drunk (as was she) was "fine".

My email "chat" has increased a little. I got a rare email from an old boyfriend (who emigrated to Canada over 50 years ago) and I told him about the lack of intelligent conversation opportunities. He has a similar problem and we are now exchanging more regular emails, setting the world to rights.

luluaugust suggested moving. I would consider this if you've got the energy to cope with the whole buying and selling process.

I listened to an elderly lady talk about rattling around in a big dilapidated house; she moved to a studio in central London and absolutely loved it. These dark long nights are difficult to fill and I do sympathise.

My daughters want me to sell up and move to a different town. I'm 77. There is no way I want to go through that. I was already a tenant here when I bought it (with a discount and an inheritance from an Aunt), so no more moving, no broken chains and I knew what the place was like, what it needed, and over time have got it as good as it can get.

I'm certainly not rattling around. There is hardly room to swing a hamster, let alone a cat in this ex-Council 1970s two up, one down end of terrace, but it does have a bit of garden back and front which helps. We were packed in like sardines when the kids were here. This house would fit in the living room of the flat where we used to live before financial woes caused us to move. I need a garden for my sanity. The flat didn't have one, which is why I got my allotment. Even with my bit of garden, I am not looking forward to the time when I can't manage the allotment. There is no way I can afford to buy somewhere with a decent sized garden and waiting lists for allotments are years long.

I have heard back about the exercise class. I have my complimentary "trial" session on Monday to see how I like it.

I love reading your updates Aely. I think the take away message for me this week seems to be that it's good to keep trying , to be active, to look forward. None of this is easy if you have a tendency to head into negativity. The climate is against us too.

My old old methods that I tend to suggest to everyone, do seem to work to make you more aware of things, that sometimes others know about you but you seem to forget. So you need two pieces of paper. On one you write anything you enjoy, whether it is a cup of coffee, swimming or doing sommersaults, and on the other the things you dislike, such as cleaning windows, watching rubbish soaps or writing letters. But each time you think of something write it on the appropriate list, then fold it over so that you cannot read it. and continue. After a couple of weeks or at the end of a page just put the papers away without looking at them and leave them for a while. On a day you feel a little better, perhaps it is raining and a good chance to stay in the warm etc. Then open the papers and you are looking to see groups of similar things. So if several things show you dislike noisy places, or that you love mooching round the shops and meeting people you can see that eventually you will see the obvious but also there can sometimes be a theme that you hadnt really been aware of, such as how much you enjoy looking at gardens or the shape of trees and roof tops as you walk. This could set you in another direction where you might think of joining an art group or a local history group. Look in your local library to see if there are any groups that are involved in your new interests that you might try out. Also whatever your interests are there will be some voluntary group that you would be able to match up with your interests. As a lecturer , teacher, and singer amongst other things I have been in choirs, at this time of year have rehearsed and sung in carol concerts or gone round carol singing for charities that I wanted to support, might that appeal to you? It is not a lot of a commitment , only until christmas but you could see if you enjoy it or bow out gracefully after that, but if it turns out to be something you like you could follow it through with other singers in choirs. I have run Brownie and Guide groups abroad and here and they always could do with helpers, as would any youth groups or play groups. Even if you felt only able to offer one week in four, it would still allow someone to organise something special on those days as they would have your help as another responsible adult. Even if nothing of these things interested you, I would suggest that you at least get your local newspaper and read it cover to cover. I have moved so many times both here and abroad and the library and the local paper are my go to places. You will see what is happening around you, find something you knew nothing about going on. Even if you make a plan to at least look at something new once a month, and have a list of possibilities and cross them off as you go, you would see that you have actually done something for yourself to make things clearer. At this time of year you get so much false information, whether looking at adverts or seeing loads of people together in the street, where you feel you are the only one on their own and are missing out on wonderful occasions. Well that could be true, but it is much more likely not. Half the groups you see will either be arguing or wishing they were doing something else, feel dragged out to spend their time and money on nothing they really want to do. I remember so well that in the run up to christmas when my son was young and I was trying to get to so many rehearsals, run the house, sort out christmas stuff etc and I would see a lady sat in a cafe , relaxing and enjoying her coffee with a paper and so long to be her for half an hour. Dont forget the other small pleasure of being on your own is that you can choose exactly what you watch or listen to and eat at the time you choose. I will make the most of being able to listen uninteruppted to my Bach and opera and other concerts , which will be bliss to me, and I will not have to be polite and switch it off or hear some music that really makes me cringe! Just have a go at one or two of the suggestions that people have made, that can be a goal in itself and then let yourself think that in the New Year you might start thinking of other possibilities.

I think I need to be " more madeleine"

I check out the board at the local library on a fairly regular basis. Apart from the occasional Pilates class with a vacancy and the Library Knit and Natter group (tried that once), the board tends to be bare. I used to get both the Tuesday and Thursday issues of the local paper. Now there is one issue a week and it covers a huge area. Having a "sneak peak" occasionally when I see a copy, I have found that if I did fork out the £3.60 required to purchase it, I would be lucky to find one page concerning the area I can actually get to.

Looking online for "Things to do in ...", I sometimes spot something and think "I didn't know we had that, I wonder where it is?" and find it is 15 miles away or more - "a short drive away" (via the motorway).

Madeleine, I have been on my own for so long, 17 years since my elder daughter finally moved out for the last time (a boomeranger) that I am a little tired of my own company.

I used to enjoy looking at the local architecture in the older part of town and more locally, wandering around admiring other people's front gardens, sometimes chatting with the people tending them. A lot of the big, old houses have gone, tacky blocks of flats replaced them, some are now small estates of suburbia, like the property that belonged to the family of my sister's boyfriend, where I learned to drive (an Austin 7) at the age of 14, dodging the trees in the "back garden".
In this part of town the gardens I enjoyed have nearly all disappeared under paving to be used for car parking. The farms that were here when I was a child are now housing estates. The local stream which used to run through fields is no longer a haven for ducks, sticklebacks and water voles. It gets the run-off from an airfield in heavy rain, is surrounded by (and occasionally floods) housing and is too close to the Motorway to be peaceful, although a local group clears the dumped, stolen, bikes and shopping trolleys and tries to keep it and its banks clean.

The pavements are so bad it is no pleasure walking and on the mobility scooter I have on occasions had the handle bars jerked out of my hands.

This road once got a prize for the Best Front Gardens. Now there is mine and two others that are still planted. The others sport scruffy grass with a couple of pots, or parking, and this is typical of the area. The cemetary is still nice. I spotted a green Woodpecker last year when I went to put flowers on a family grave.

There is no point in looking backwards you need to look forwards
You’re an articulate person and you like your Nepalese neighbours but say you wished they spoke better English why not start some informal lessons helping them and helping you as well For the most part they are a kind and gentle race of people who would be grateful It could be informal visits to a coffee shop or in yours or there homes could be one by one or however you felt comfortable What a gift you would be giving
When the Vietnamese boat people came over here I befriended a family and helped them to start up their life here, I was rewarded with the most delicious dinner invites lovely lovely food we helped each other

I have a foot in both camps here. Although I no longer live where I grew up, I hanker after that.So much has gone,so I am with Aely there. It's a strange, sad feeling somehow.

And yet, BlueBelle talks sense. We must ( well I feel I must) seek connection.I host a little conversation group for newcomers. This has opened some doors for me.

It's so easy to take a negative turn of mind. We are hardwired for it, then there's the climate, the hideous news everywhere and possibly health/mobility problems to contend with.

I think you could write a terrific blog Aely

A pity you don’t wish to move as you could find another small house with a garden, maybe near to one of your DD’s and in a more lively town.77 isn’t that old really.

Elder DD mentioned that she can't understand how her younger sister can live where she does as there is "nothing there". I understand. She has a 3 year old son (and a husband) and also has a job. There is no time or energy for anything else.
Elder DD would like me to move near her. It is a nice little town and I would have loved it when I was younger and fitter. She and her husband drive a shortish distance to take long walks in the country side, go to the Hawk Conservancy and belong to an Archery club. She also goes to visit old friends at weekends. She says if I lived nearby she could pop round for a cup of tea. As she works long hours, it would have to be a quick one! I have had a look at houses for sale there. They are about the same as here.
Gardening there is strictly in pots. There is about two inches of soil on solid chalk. DD gardens with a pickaxe which I bought many years ago to remove concrete from my own garden.

Back in 2000 I was looking to buy a place and discovered Hartlepool as the only place I could afford. I went to visit and really liked it. I went exploring, got caught in a snow storm and popped in a pub to get a warming cup of tea or coffee. I had hardly walked through the door when someone got up from a group of people sitting there, came over and invited me to join them. They were around my age or older. They could tell from my accent I wasn't local. When the snow eased and it was time for me to leave they refused to let me go back to my hotel by bus and gave me a lift back to my hotel. Go to my local pub and the only time anybody speaks to you is because they want your seat!

That was when I decided I would like to retire there when the time came. I already liked the town and the nearby Seaton Carew beach. I found a property but was gazumped. Then the prices started to shoot up and I was stuck here. My Aged Aunt was getting older and I had to look out for her. She died at 95 and left me some money, so at the age of 65, with a small top-up morgage, I bought my place. It's much nicer now than when I bought it from the HA.

Isn't it funny how in the same country people can be so different. Or even in a neighbouring suburb the vibe is different. Is it really so or is it our mood I wonder?

Where I live its very much the land of " keep yourself to yourself" It amuses me to see the word community used in so many adverts for coffee shops or bars. If you've got no money, the community is nowhere to be seen!

Here, in the South of England, it seems to be still the tradition that we shouldn't speak to people we haven't been "introduced to" in case they aren't "our sort of people". My mother believed popping round to a neighbour's for a cuppa was terribly lower class. Her own mother desperately tried to hide her Ag Lab forebears by adopting a veneer of "posh".

My Dad's family had a high proportion of Scottish blood - and you can't get much more Northern than that. The rest of his make-up was Norfolk sons-of-the-soil. I think I inherited his Socialising genes! However, thanks to my Mother's input I do lack confidence in myself. If I wanted to visit someone she would say "They don't want to be bothered with you", "Who exactly is their father?" or "You don't want to be bothered with them" if they had issued an invitation.

It is nothing to do with the town - or you. You are just a mismatch.

When my parent's retired and moved, every town they thought of moving to, they went to the library (in pre-internet days) and checked what was happening locally and decided not to offer on several houses they really liked because there seemed to be nothing that interested them happening in the town they were situated in.

They actually bought a house that fell short of other houses they had seen because it was in a town with lots of groups doing things they enjoyed and had a long, busy and happy retirment and all the friends they had made helped and supported my father in the 10 years he lived alone after my mother's death.

We have just done the same. Found the right town and then looked for a house there.

M0nica

It is nothing to do with the town - or you. You are just a mismatch.

When my parent's retired and moved, every town they thought of moving to, they went to the library (in pre-internet days) and checked what was happening locally and decided not to offer on several houses they really liked because there seemed to be nothing that interested them happening in the town they were situated in.

They actually bought a house that fell short of other houses they had seen because it was in a town with lots of groups doing things they enjoyed and had a long, busy and happy retirment and all the friends they had made helped and supported my father in the 10 years he lived alone after my mother's death.

We have just done the same. Found the right town and then looked for a house there.

Monica. I dare say if you have the funds and the intellect , this may be one way forward.

A lot of people are living a life that falls short of what they anticipated, never mind a house. They then have to battle away to connect and thrive somehow.

Stripeygran I think you are rather overegging my comments. 65% of the population own their own home and a signifcant significant number of people move house when they retire for a range of reasons. of course there are people who cannot move or choose. But is over half the population to be sneered at in the way you do, just because the other 35% live in different (not necessarily worse) circumstances.

The only thing in life that is 100%, is that to be active in this world we must be alive, and everyone from a newborn baby to someone on the cusp of death is alive. otherwise we all vary in our circumstances over everything.

GN has always been a friendly group who accept thta we are different, have different lives in every way.

Please do not spoil it for us all.

There seem to be a few things going on at once here. In my opinion,
there can be " something wrong" with a person or indeed a place.
Some locations are run down, public transport is poor, services have all but disappeared. Others spring back to some sort of life.

Likewise personalities, health and circumstances change.

Your parents seemed to have come with a scheme which worked for them. Good. They were indeed fortunate.

As for a friendly group and me sneering, I beg to differ. I do not have the capacity nor the desire to spoil and internet forum.

I think it is all too easy to project a person’s different experiences in life whereby success was achieved and believe it could be achieved by others.
Aely I hear you and sympathise. We live in the South but are originally from a county not far from Hartlepool, and there can be more of a sense of community in the North imho. However, we are moving further South, near Brighton, to be near family because they all live down here.
Stripey was just trying to say that not everyone has the same advantages and I can imagine that the OP is trying to make the best of it. There are older people from all manner of backgrounds on this forum and sometimes I also feel that those with obviously more money and support don’t always appreciate that others do not have the same. Am not speaking for Aely here, she can speak for herself, but for some this is no country for old people.
Wishing you well Aely.

Madeleine can I have you on speed dial?
Love your posts 🌹

Sorry, you mistake me, I have every sympathy for Aely. I get the impression that she has no choice in where she lives, and is unfortunate in the lack of activities of interest to her in her town.

One of the problem with threads is that posters contributing more than one post will have a continuing thread in their minds that runs from post to post that means that their second aand onward posts need to be seen in context with those that they had written before. Someone coming to the thread reads only the most recent post, and incorrectly extrapolates attitudes from there.

We all do it, I include myself, but it does cause problems when a poster is lambasted for not saying something they had made clear a page earlier.

I am not sure how to get round this.