Empty Nest Syndrome

dogs4me if you are feeling like that maybe you need to give in to it. Curl up with a hot water bottle (or the electric blanket on) and sleep.
Have you ever had any counselling since your sister died?
Tomorrow, can you go our for a walk in the fresh air? That is the best self help for the glooms. Particularly if the sun should be peeping out.

Oh dogs4me; you've had far too much thrown at you over a short space of time. I agree with Jess; you need counselling of some kind. A trip to the Dr's is needed methinks. We are starting to get some blue sky here at last so I hope you've got some where you are; I'm a bit like you in that I don't seem to go out much these days [fresh air wise, that is]. Shall we make a pact with each other..you do a short walk each day and I'll do the same and we'll support each other/swap notes.

After the storm comes the calm or so it seemed this morning. After a terrible evening and wrestless night I came on here and read your message Tegan and felt a lot "lighter" In fact I mended my Dyson that had been looking at me for days. What a relief that was as was worried I would have to buy a new one especially with all the dog hairs! I hoovered, finished a small jumper I am entering in a craft show tomorrow and then took my dog for a long walk. I met a few dog walkers and had a good natter with one especially, which made me feel human again! I have been in the garden as well, just pottered a bit and planning in my head whatI need to do out there. My new neighbors who havnt moved in yet popped their heads over the fence(which is quite tall) and had a chat as well. Have been busier, creative and spoken to some people today so dont feel so lost at the moment. My little GD sent me a tex With love and hearts ( from her dads phone with his help) I thought when I opened it, they must now how I feel and how I needed that love. I did have a good old howl before I went for my walk ( the tears have just come back when I wrote about the text....just very emotional). The tears earlier came because I was getting sorry for myself as having really thought about what I would like to learn I couldnt find it anywhere online. I would like to enroll for a beginners digital photography class.

Tegan
Yes would love to make that pact to walk daily again and would like to support each other too as it really made a difference this morning Thanks

Wishing you the very best Dogs4me. You aren't alone and hopefully will take little steps and feel happier eventually.

I've noticed when I feel down, just a quick chat with someone can really lift my spirits, I just need people, it makes me feel so much better, and I'm sure it's the same for you. Its great that you have a dog to walk, babies and dogs, people often stop and speak then.

Re the photography class, maybe your local library would have some information. Best wishes x

I do symathise but I personally am looking forward to this time in my life.

The way I look at it is I have done my absolute best, not always getting it right and actually getting it wrong more times that I care to mention, but as said I did my best with my children and when they leave it will be a time for me to look forward to doing things that I always put in the un important pile because there was always someone else in the family that warented the time.

So I am really looking forward to that time in my life.

JessM: Thank you! I think "shed my Aspergers" is a bit strong, but I'm sure I went from definitely Aspie to borderline Aspie. It does make a bit of a mess of the "Extreme Male Brain" theory of Aspergers though.

dogs4me: I was a member of what I thought was a very good but strict church for 30 odd years. They turned out to be much stronger on the strictness than the goodness and politely gave me time to walk out before they laid hands on me and threw me out. That was right at the beginning of "questioning my identity" and long before I made any decision.

dogs4me; glad to hear you've had a good day! Alas, my knee is very sore again at the moment so I may not get the walk in tomorrow but I'll have a go. [what sort of dog do you have, by the way? forgive me if you've already mentioned it elsewhere]MaryXYX. Feel just a tad angry with your church treating you like that. Good for you for rising above it!

It took me a little while but I found a really welcoming church. I spent about five months going as male before I had the courage to go as female. Almost the first thing that happened was I was asked if I wanted to be one of the women who do food for special occasions. That's how ordinary it seemed to them!

I was added to the rota as a Bible reader, a steward and a tea lady after transition. They all know my "history" but most members just seem to see me as an active and enthusiastic member of the church.

It's a pity most of my children take the line of the previous church and don't speak to me.

MaryXYX - It's good to read you now find yourself in a better place to be (church and gender) than previously, and I hope your children will, in time, embrace this with you.

MaryXYZ how nice that you've found a church of good people, it is reassuring. There's no reason, in my opinion, for you to be anything other than ordinary.

Welcome here too

Sorry to hear about your children maryxyz - I hope they will come round in time. There are a lot of other GN members who are being kept out of their kids lives for one reason or another.

Helped out at a village craft show today which came about from a sub group from the WI, 'stitches'. Very very enjoyable . I feel I am branching out in such a short time and some of this is thanks to you for the support and just being there to listen to my woes and help with your responses. And...I got a 1st Prize for a photograph of the sky, sea, sands and reflections of the clouds and my doglooking at the sea. 1st and 3rd Prizes for 2 jumpers (for my GS now 1year). I was over the moon and felt that I was valuable again and not useless! Also took on the tombola. I poored out my heart to the knitters last week and they encouraged me to go today and enter my wears and am so glad I did. Have also found a photograhic club inthat runs weekly from May to Sept , in a local church hall close to me. Amazing and hoping to join Thursday or at leaste have a taster. They do other events in the closed period like quizes and bike rides so it may be another opening if I get my bike overhalled and a helmet! Hope my good feelings continue. Still find some periods very lonely and it comes over me so quickly that it is sometimes scarey how the feelings and especially the thoughts change so dramatically
Tegan; have not kept up the walking today but aiming to get out there tomorrow again.Hope you knee improves so you can as well x

Did some retail therapy dogs4me that involved quite a bit of walking between shops [does that count ? ]I love photos. Our cinema is going to have an exhibition of old photo albums soon which I'm looking forward to. I've ranted on about this before on gransnet but I worry about the social history that will be lost when people store everything on computers and send emails instead of letters. Don't know if you watched Countryfile tonight but it was all about Northumberland and the coast around Lindisfarne where I spend a lot of time. Lots of photos of my dog oop there but don't know how to download them onto the pets thread [technophobe!]. I'd love to learn more about digital photography [even though I still use my old camera as well]. Something to do when I retire, I hope.

dogs4me I am so glad you seem a bit happier now, it gives me hope for when my time comes. And Mary - I have a couple of friends who have realised they were gay, their children no longer speak to them either, along with various other family members. Hopefully the next generations will be a lot more understanding and realise that people are just people, but I am disgusted with your last church. It says a lot more about the congregation than it does about you.

In the interval before my son leaves, I suppose I should start to cultivate some new hobbies, and try to remember what the old ones were! I have had a child in the house now for almost 30 years, it's quite hard to remember what I used to like doing, apart from reading. I sing in a choir, I suppose I could join another one as well. Maybe painting. I know I shall get hauled into doing more charity work, I have several very determined friends. Work is like hen's teeth around here, so that is not an option, especially at my age. Swimming - I used to swim. Today seems like a positive day but I suspect I shall have quite a few down days as the day for his departure draws nearer.

MaryXYZ welcome! Very, very welcome.

And dogs4me - good to know you have found some Long may it continue for you.

janerowena: I don't have anything against the congregation of my previous church. My impression was they did as they were told by the leader and didn't ask questions. My partner and I had already got a bad reputation by asking questions!

I do really need to find some paid work, almost anything considered, but at the moment I'm getting more involved in voluntary work and social groups. The local Age-UK guy has just started a singing group in my town. I was "stealth" through the initial get-to-know session but it couldn't last. As soon as they asked if any of us sang harmony and I put my hand up and said Bass I was rather well "out".

Ariadne: Thank you - I am still a bit insecure about how I'm received.

Mary XYX, I haven't been following this thread as I have never suffered from ENS, but I have finally read it all and I am so glad that you are able to talk about your experiences to us. It must have taken a lot of courage to follow your true nature and I am so sorry that you found some people so uncharitable. My best wishes to you.

I have just come onto this thread.

I have yet to suffer ENS. My DS1 left home many years ago to live his own life.He contacts us occasionly.DS2 is another character.He married at 19, he and his wife had 3 chikdren in quick sucession.It was a stormy marriage and he would return home when they fell out, then go back when all was forgiven to his wife.They finally parted for good after 6 years together, got divorced and he moved back with me and DH.Twelve years ago he found another partner,brought her back to live with him in my house, they had two chilldren, got married, and are still living with us, along with their children and one of his daughters from his first marriage.

When and if they move out I think I will suffer dreadfully from ENS.

Tomorrow my son goes back to school for his last term - and next term depending on grades he will either be at university or at a job far away, that he already has lined up. Last night I was having nigtmares about it, the final part of the dream spent packing his cases and taking him to the station and suddenly he turned into a tiny tot struggling with the vast bags and his soft toy, but I knew I couldn't help him even in the dream. It was so hard. I shall be a complete wreck by the time he leaves. My maternal instinct needs an Off switch.
My husband doesn't seem to feel the same at all, it's almost as if he is looking forward to having less responsibilty, although I know he loves him very much. I suppose I find it hard to imagine the way he is thinking, just as he can't understand why I am so sad.

My eldest is in Yorkshire with the Grand children and husband. My middle daughter is in vancouver Canada and my lovely son is in Galway Ireland. I miss them every single day and have not got used to it yet. I miss them so much. I loved the company and chaos when they were all at home and i am having a hard time coping with it. Hubby is lovely but he is not one for "chat"
I have to make a life for myself i think!

Having had my children when I was quite young meant that I was still young when they left home. I had a great time spreading my wings before GC came along.

Just when I think I am beginning to feel better I have a bad moment and I feel deadful all over again. Finding the waves of moods difficult to manage today. Finding hard to adapt to new life and changes and being inmy bungalow alone. Realy feel I dont like my home any more. I used to love it. Having CBT next week and if I dont think it will help after first session will go to GP for some pills to take the edge of these horrid and scarey feelings.

Come and have a , a nice and a big hug dogs4me Don't be sad on you own.

I have a feeling I shall be in the same boat as you, dogs4me. My husband announced the other night that he wants to change jobs, so will be applying for one that will take him away from home a lot. I don't see much of him as it is. I'm going to have to force myself to get out more and be more sociable, I suppose, and I keep on telling myself how lovely it will be not to have huge piles of dirty games kit and far less cooking to do. I shall miss the school runs, as I enjoy talking to my son, but I shan't miss hanging around in the dark and cold waiting to pick him up from various events.

That reminds me of the times I carried loads of teenage hockey players to matches somewhere remote and had to hang about on the touch line, then ferry them back all sweaty and mucky, usually bleeding from some injury or other. And then there were the cricket matches that lasted well into the twilight... as well as the green stains on white trousers. No wonder I never felt the impact of the empty nest!