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Sleepless toddler - family at end of tether

(96 Posts)
Mishap Sun 07-Apr-13 13:16:15

My poor DD and her OH are at their wits' end - 18 month old boy has never slept and he just screams the place down for hours if he doesn't get attention when he wakes at night. They really are doing all the right things: peaceful bedtime routine, putting him back down when he wakes with no interaction.

The basic problem is that he uses my DD's boobs (or anyone else's he can get his hands on - including mine!) as a comforter and will not be weaned on to anything else however hard they try. He really is a beefy chap with a bellow like a bull so it is impossible to ignore him unless you put him to bed next door!

He wakes up his 4 year old brother who is now having disturbed nights too!

Poor DD had serious ante-natal depression so did not sleep throughout her pregnancy - I leave you to do the maths on how long it is since she had a proper night's sleep!

I have sent off for two things for her:a Ewan the sheep which goes in the cot and glows and produced white noise; some Serenite Junior (herbal sleeping drops for little ones), which costs an arm and several legs!!!

Does anyone have experience of either of these? - or any other ideas?

Thanks

cathy Wed 10-Apr-13 15:38:11

Mishap You say he is quite strapping, I remember a neighbour of mine had a constant crying baby, and was up most nights and it was found that he was not quite eating enough or eating foods that would fill him up.

He also obviously is not ready to give up a comforter so maybe you could introduce a teddy of some sort or perhaps a baby blanket that was safe.

Sometimes its easier for the whole family to give into baby sleeping in the bed with parents if safe.

One last piece of info that may help your poor DD There is a TV Nanny that I would say was excellent, her name is Joe Frost and she covers this subject in one of her books, her advise really is effective, I am sure you could find a copy on Amazon.

MargaretX Wed 10-Apr-13 16:22:32

Have I missed this? Did anyone ask if he was watching TVduring the evening or daytime? Watching the tele does things with your brainwaves even though you don't realise it. A picture on a TV screen is really thousands of pictures one after another and baby brain shouldn't be having to cope with that.

The mother shoudn't be feeding him at night at 18 months but I feel if she was ill with depression then he has the feeling he is not satisfied whatever she does and just wants more and more.

Dr Spock suggested the baby should sleep in someone else's house or someone comes into the house and gives that poor mother a rest. Is that possible? I know that in my town (in Germany) there is a crying baby clinic and taking the baby away to give the mother (and father) a rest of one or two nights is practiced.

I had my 18 month old grandchild once here due to an emergency.
Hope something works...

SnoreLessNow Sun 06-Aug-23 00:26:33

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Georgesgran Sun 06-Aug-23 00:48:25

Reported

NotSpaghetti Sun 06-Aug-23 00:57:08

MargaretX The mother shoudn't be feeding him at night at 18 months?

Why?

Georgesgran Sun 06-Aug-23 01:02:24

This is an OLD THREAD!!!!
Resurrected again by Spammer.

biglouis Sun 06-Aug-23 02:47:04

Noise cancellation headphones.

silverlining48 Sun 06-Aug-23 06:54:10

It’s probably helpful to others but this post is 10 years old and child involved is now at secondary school.

Shelflife Sun 06-Aug-23 19:11:29

Oh dear I feel for you and your DD. However this must stop, at 18 months he knows he has control! It's time to turn the tables and be very hard . Your daughter must not worry too much about his finer feelings - they don't have many at this age! They are definitely self interested - that is normal. Put him in his cot say night night , and leave the room . I know it is hard and I understand that she is desperate for sleep for herself and her son , hence allowing the boob fondling - I get why she does that ! However........... by permitting that she is rewarding him for making those demands!! Ask her to harden her heart ,do not return to his room and NO. more leaning over his cot to comfort him. It will be very stressful indeed but no pain no gain , I do hope she / they can persevere. Another idea if that does fail ( doubt it will ) if her OH is male send him upstairs to their son - no chance of boob comfort then! Ask your DD to be consistent and firm , her son will eventually get the message and will not hold her actions against her ! She will be doing him a favour in the long run! As you say she has had a tough time conceiving and giving birth ,this is probably the root of her feelings. I wish her luck , while she is persevering with this new routine I know you will reassure her she is a good mum - because she is !! I wish her luck , hope she sticks to her guns and that the new regime pays off . Hard to do I know that but she must have courage and determination if she is to be successful, it will be well worth it eventually. If she really finds ignoring his crying too much to bear ask her to send someone else upstate - whatever happens - no more boob fondling!!!!!! Good luck .

MerylStreep Sun 06-Aug-23 19:17:48

THE CHILD IS AT SECONDARY SCHOOL NOW.
LOOK AT THE DATE.

Foxygloves Sun 06-Aug-23 19:22:28

You’ll have to speak up MerylStreep!

MerylStreep Sun 06-Aug-23 19:27:44

Foxygloves

You’ll have to speak up MerylStreep!

You watch, somebody will post 🤦🏼‍♀️

Callistemon21 Sun 06-Aug-23 19:45:30

MerylStreep

THE CHILD IS AT SECONDARY SCHOOL NOW.
LOOK AT THE DATE.

Yes, but perhaps he's still not sleeping at night

Take his phone off him 😄

MerylStreep Sun 06-Aug-23 19:51:09

Callistemon21

MerylStreep

THE CHILD IS AT SECONDARY SCHOOL NOW.
LOOK AT THE DATE.

Yes, but perhaps he's still not sleeping at night

Take his phone off him 😄

Very good 👏👏

lemsip Sun 06-Aug-23 20:16:52

A TEN Year old Thread. 2013! where do they dig these up from.

MerylStreep Sun 06-Aug-23 20:23:58

Lemsip They’re resurrected by Spam and the because posters don’t bother to read the OP.

Sago Sun 06-Aug-23 20:35:03

I hope he’s weaned off the breast😬

NotSpaghetti Sun 06-Aug-23 20:41:52

Ha ha!

MerylStreep Sun 06-Aug-23 20:43:13

Sago

I hope he’s weaned off the breast😬

Very good 😂

ClareAB Sun 06-Aug-23 20:56:49

At that age I'd suggest co-sleeping and letting him feed at night. All kids are different and this is an exhausting, pointless battle when the solution could be so much easier on mum and babe. There are no 'shoulds' with this, one of my granddaughers co-slept and breast fed until she was four.

Fleurpepper Sun 06-Aug-23 20:58:34

MerylStreep

Sago

I hope he’s weaned off the breast😬

Very good 😂

Bitty mummy !

Actually it would be very interesting to hear how he turned out.

Madgran77 Sun 06-Aug-23 21:28:43

Mishap

This little chap does not feed from the breast he just likes to stroke it (anyone's will do!) - my DD finishes up leaning over the cot for him to fondle her boobs.

I have sent her the link to the programme (for which lots of thanks) and I hope that she will take some of the advice there.

Basically there is an underlying emotional issue - conceiving him (and his sibling) was hard, the pregnancy was hard, the birth was hard. There will be no more children as it is too risky (and certainly not if the sleep problems mean she and her OH never finish up in bed together!). So he is the last child, much-wanted and achieved at enormous cost in so many ways. Leting go and being firm is hard, which is why I never press her on it and leave them to find their own way.

I hope that the link to the programme and the two gifts I have sent will give some advice and comfort and the knowledge that she is not alone.

Could you find something that would feel similar for him to stroke ...needs to be a suitable material that it is made of to resemble soft skin! I know this sounds a bit weird but if that has become his comforter then he clearly needs an equivalent!

Foxygloves Sun 06-Aug-23 22:06:41

@madgran kindly meant but he must be TWELVE by now!

Callistemon21 Sun 06-Aug-23 22:08:45

Madgran77

Mishap

This little chap does not feed from the breast he just likes to stroke it (anyone's will do!) - my DD finishes up leaning over the cot for him to fondle her boobs.

I have sent her the link to the programme (for which lots of thanks) and I hope that she will take some of the advice there.

Basically there is an underlying emotional issue - conceiving him (and his sibling) was hard, the pregnancy was hard, the birth was hard. There will be no more children as it is too risky (and certainly not if the sleep problems mean she and her OH never finish up in bed together!). So he is the last child, much-wanted and achieved at enormous cost in so many ways. Leting go and being firm is hard, which is why I never press her on it and leave them to find their own way.

I hope that the link to the programme and the two gifts I have sent will give some advice and comfort and the knowledge that she is not alone.

Could you find something that would feel similar for him to stroke ...needs to be a suitable material that it is made of to resemble soft skin! I know this sounds a bit weird but if that has become his comforter then he clearly needs an equivalent!

I'm not posting what I'm thinking. It might get deleted 😁

Foxygloves Sun 06-Aug-23 22:34:45

@Callistemon - ooh norty winkshockwink