Mindfulness for Depression/Anxiety?

Scrub out the "bit"

LOL jinglbells - but yes, of course I'd like to think I'm a 'decent person' - but I know I'm really not (honestly and truly, if you knew me, you'd understand why I say that). It's partly that which tears me up inside. I don't want to have horrible, envious feelings of people I care about. It feels...subhuman. It's no one else's fault, or responsibility, that I compare myself to other people so much and I don't want it to become their problem, so I hide it as best I can. But it's like trying to keep a lid on a volcano, or on a cauldron of demons - somehow or other, something escapes. So I just try and be the best person I can, (whilst knowing otherwise) but it's like baling out the sea with a thimble/pissing into the wind/fill in your own metaphor!

Nevertheless....I'm still practising mindfulness, and I'm hopeful that I might eventually learn to accept myself a little more in time and gain some peace f mind. It's not over till the fat lady sings, as they say....

I envy my daughter sometimes. She gets everything so bloody right all the time. Gets right up my nose. In fact both of my daughter's are much better than I am. Probably because I spent so many sodding years putting so much of me into bringing them up. Don't remember anyone doing it for me.

See. I've got the dreaded borderline personality disorder too.

OR, it could be quite reasonable to feel like that. But still love them. And be glad for them. And even proud of 'em.

I've no work at the moment (thanks to ATOS incompetence) and it's too peaceful.
I'm bored, and when I'm bored I spend money on line.
Expensive.
At least gransnet is free!

Jingl, there's rather more to BBD than that....;) - marked, distressing mood swings, deep-seated feelings of emptiness and worthlessness and I have feelings I am very ashamed of having, towards people I care about. I don't self harm or indulge in risky behaviour (sometimes I think I'd have been happier to have taken more risks in my life, but we won't go there!)...but some of the other characteristics I can identify with. Whether it's classifiable as BPD is another matter - there is rarely any cut-and-dried diagnosis for mental health problems, is there?
However...I am persevering with my Mindfulness meditation thing and hopeful that will ultimately make a difference, even if it's a small one

Any step, no matter how small, is GOOD!

Songbird how long did you stay on that citalolpram for? It's an accepted fact that for the first two or three weeks on an ssri you feel more nervous and anxious. It's worth sticking at it though.

rowantree, if I was you I would go to doc's and ask for fluoxetine. That mirtazapine is a tricyclic is n't it?

I don't know the ages of people posting on here but I read this week that a third of all people admitted to hospital for anxiety related problems in the last year have been women over 60. We put too much pressure on ourselves I think.

I believe that a sense of loneliness plays a role too.

Yes I agree Soop

Jingl - would love to try fluoxetine, but I take medication for migraine which interacts with that type of drug, so they won't let me have them Mirtazapine isn't a tricylic drug, no - though I have tried one of those in the past without success. I'm considering coming off the mirtazapine soon though as my weight is increasing and my physical health will be further compromised as a result. Dagnabbit!

KatyK - I read that too. Yet I can't honestly say my life is pressured. It's easier than it has ever been, and to anyone else whose life is complicated and difficult, that might seem ridiculous that I am struggling with MH problems so much. It's ironic - when things were really difficult, I seemed to cope much better (though I didn't think so at the time). I feel very guilty because of that, but I am trying hard to live in the present moment and make the most of my life. But please - don't anyone say it's self-indulgent. I can tell you that if I had the choice, I wouldn't be feeling like this at all. I'd give (almost) anything to feel better. I hate it, but this is how I am at present, so I'm kind of stuck with me....;)

Does anyone watch 'My Mad Fat Diary'? Not sure what channel it's on but it's one of my favourite programmes at the moment. It's a bit like 'Skins' but is about a teenage girl who's obese and suffers from anxiety. I know it doesn't sound like a good plot for a dramady but it's really sweet and touching and, as it's aimed at younger people they can get more of an understanding of health issues of this kind.

Rowan - some people say something kicks in to help us cope in stressful times and then when life is running smoothly we can fall apart. Maybe that is true.
Tegan - I saw that programme advertised but wasn't sure. I will find it and watch the first and tape the rest.

What I learnt about depression and this is just my opinion and worked for me.

It seemed to be all about me all of the time, how I was feeling, what I wanted, I realised that for me depression was quite a me me me illness, I started to focus on others and what they wanted and needed and I started focusing on things that had NOTHING to do with depression or how I was feeling.

It worked for me, I am not saying it will work for anyone else, but it worked for me.

Perhaps you could ask your doctor if it would be worth coming off the headache medication so that you could try an ssri. Perhaps if you were on the right antidepressant the headaches might stop anyway. You sound quite desperate. Is n't it worth asking your doctor?

Just looked up mirtazapine rowantree and it does sound as though it's the latest available. So don't know what to suggest.

Do NOT come off the mirtazapine without speaking to your doc first. That is very important. Good luck. Hope the coming of Spring will give you some help. A bit of sunshine......

'Thought for the day' at 7.50 on Radio 4 this morning was on mindfulness and just how widely it is being used.

I heard that! Speaker of the House of Commons no less.

Big article about it in last weeks Observer as well.

Are we all desperately looking for something to pull us back from the brink?!

Some antidepressants work well as migraine prevention. Might be worth talking to doc as you may be able to kill two birds with one stone.

Rowantree, thanks for telling it like it is about BPD and it's so good to read your posts about living with it. I'm impressed by your commitment to meditation, thanks as you've inspired me to try harder to put time aside every day for this.