Rubylady 
Good Morning Sunday 7th June 2026
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So sorry Ruby, this was my life last year with my dad in very similar situation.
I would just like to say that I have tried very hard too remember him as the man he was before his illness.
Hope that in time that is way you will also remember your father
At the funeral we spoke about his achievements in life
His sense of humour
And the love of his family, children grandchildren, great grandchildren and his friends
My sister and I wrote a short piece about our father that was read out.
We had a piper at the grave side.
All very personal to us
I'm sure Ruby that you will instinctively know how you want things to be regarding the funeral
[Hugs]
Sending you strength to help you through the difficult time
When my father was dying he could see people but they weren't family, he said he could see soldiers with guns.
Several family funerals have included humorous anecdotes and they were not out of place because they were part of who that person was.
My thoughts are with you rubylady - it's such a distressing time for close family to see a parent who was originally a carer reduced to the patient in need of care themselves. I did get my dad moved from the hospital when they said there was nothing more they could do for him - he didn't have cancer but he had dementia and would no longer eat or drink. We moved him back to the care home where my mum was - they were in rooms next door to each other but neither knew As it was only a few minutes from home I was able to spend time sitting with him and would put music on an iPod of all the stuff they used to listen to. It was both a heartbreaking as well as a peaceful time and I'm so pleased and blessed I had that time with him. You must do what you think is best for your dad but as has been said please look after yourself as well. As for the funeral when the time finally comes it's such a personal thing that only you and your family can decide what is best. My youngest son who was very close to his granddad stood and gave the most wonderful eulogy with both humour and sadness - it was the first time I'd ever heard anyone applaud at a funeral. He went out to Bring me Sunshine which was such a fitting song for his happy life. Take care
One of my dad's jokes:- There's only one thing better than one cup of tea - two cups!
Yesterday I repeated the joke, when it got to the "two cups" he held up two fingers. I like to think that he knew what I was talking about and not telling me where to go! He, momentarily, had the twinkle in his eyes though.
Thank you for all your lovely comments, I haven't stopped crying and being on the phone yet today. I will have to sort out his flat he has been living in, his belongings, his finances, pay his bills etc. I have made an appointment at the funeral directors where a wonderful woman has took me under her wing and we will be sitting down discussing things next week. Then, while my head is relatively straight, I can focus on what I want for him. I have been sorting out the music today, tears streaming, checking lyrics for anything inappropriate. He loved Ella Fitzgerald so I have chosen Dream a Little Dream of Me with Loius Armstrong. Along with ELO Mr. Blue Sky, which reminds me so much of him when I was a child.
It is hard because at times being my dad he could be quite hurtful and other times lovely so I have conflicting feelings sometimes although at the moment I would give anything just to be watching The Chase with him and having a brew.
I have phoned my mum and sister yesterday but received no call back. I text my brother, telling him but nothing, (he has never got on with my dad). I am left to do all this alone. My son has been very supportive, even though I do say on here he is awful sometimes, he has been fantastic over this. He likes my dad, gets on well with him. My daughter, I don't think, ever said two words to my dad, ever, so that relationship wasn't a goer nor with her two children. He's only ever seen photos of them. So, with a very disjointed family to deal with, it feels like a minefield to do the right thing informing/inviting people, newspaper announcement or who to include or not. I do want to do a newspaper announcement as he had a lot of workmates so I want them to have the opportunity to see it and to pay respects. He loved his work.
Can I just mention too, that he received a bravery award from the town we live in for going up against drug dealers wielding a samari sword, causing him a heart attack. This was in 2007 and, as I have no copy of it, have been on the phone to the newspaper for a copy of this article reporting it so that it can be framed for the funeral. Something to be proud of, don't you think? 
A difficult time for you on so many levels ruby
My DM went into a care home for her last few weeks and they were absolutely amazing. We honestly could not have wished for kinder, more attentive staff. They knew she only had a few weeks to live when they accepted her.
It's the staff who matter, far more important than the surroundings (not if they place is really scruffy of course!!)
Hope you find the support you need
rubylady I know how distressing it is seeing your strong father lying in a hospital bed, so sick and frail. . It was so good that your mother was able to see him and kiss him.
They say that hearing is the last sense to go so it is an opportunity for you to talk to him and tell him how much he meant to you.
I think a hospice would be a good place, unless it is too difficult for you to get there.
Perhaps he has left some instructions for his funeral if he knew he was so ill? Don't think about it just yet, the vicar/minister and other people will be there to help and advise and see you through it when the time comes.
rubylady so sorry to hear that your results showed abnormal cells but hopefully they will have caught things really early and the treatment you mention will get rid of anything suspect. I hope that you get it sorted really quickly as it is best to have it done and dusted and out of the way.
You really don't need this on top of everything else! ((hugs))
Hope you will get some help for yourself too.
Gentle {{{HUGS}}} ruby
ruby Maybe he has seen something/someone. When my nephew died (at 16 from leukaemia) the last thing he did before he died was lift his head from the pillow and give a thumbs up sign
Rubylady
So sad for you ruby - I do hope you can find time and energy to take care of yourself too...
Sending (((hugs))) and xx
Thank you all so much, new tears. Although probably good to be getting it out. My head does hurt though. When my depression hits I take it minute by minute and I am worried that all this will either spark it off soon again or when the dust settles. Apart from the obvious of bubble baths, a drop of brandy, listening to some music, trying to read my book, what else could I try to get my head to relax a bit or will it be with me for a while yet?
On top of that,weI have to move stuff for an 8am start to have a new boiler fitted. And my doggie has to go to the vets too. 
newnana Thank you for your lovely poem, it made me cry. I will write it down and maybe use it at his funeral, very apt, thank you.
Ruby I have been there too! So hard to see a loved one struggling through the end of life. The stretching out of arms is apparently very common towards the end. my mother did it a lot a few days before she died. I think she may have been reaching out for my dad who had died a year before. A nurse friend of mine said they call it 'reaching' and may be caused by the morphine causing hallucinations. It would be a comfort to think that your dad was seeing people he loved coming to help him pass.
Thinking of you at this difficult time
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